hi livejournal.
i think i'm going to start writing entries here again, because i miss talking to people, and i love writing, and this is the closest thing to either of those things that will happen with me.
also, i love to whine. but if you're reading this, you're expecting that, aren't you? good.
i'm living in a little cinderblock house on just the outside of palatka, florida, and the water smells horribly of sulphur, so when you wash your hands after using the bathroom, the water smell far overtakes any smell you might have made. taking a shower is a pain because of this. the hot water smells more strongly, so we try to avoid using it. we boil a kettle to wash the dishes with. my mum complains loudly every single time i take a shower.
i'm really tired of living.
my diabetes specialist, who is actually a nephrologist, won't listen to me, and refused to prescribe regular N insulin for me... which, i have found, over the years, that levemir, the long-acting insulin i was taking, was causing me to have horrible lows and seizures and brain damage and all sorts of things. i'm much stupider than i was a few years ago. :C
but anyway... then i asked my general practitioner to prescribe it for me... and i just quit seeing my diabetes specialist. he thinks too highly of himself and wasn't looking at me as a patient, but as a test subject.
anyway anyway, my diabetes has been completely terrible, and in the two months or so that we've been here in this house, i've gone to the hospital for a week about five times. i went just the other night to the ER because my mum didn't have any glucagon (sugar solution) shots to revive me.
whenever i go to the hospital, everyone is so nice, and talk to me a lot, and are interested in me and like, my hats that i'm crocheting, and then i come back home... and i'm alone here with my mum. i love my mum, i do, but... this is it. i sit in the living room with my mum and play video games or watch crap about ancient aliens on tv or wander around the wasteland that the internet has become. nothing ever happens. i never meet anyone. i live in a black neighborhood, so there's constant screaming children, but otherwise, nothing. sometimes, i get a wild hair and walk down the road to the dollar general and spend a few dollars on useless crap that i like...
this is not what my life was supposed to be.
this is not how i should be living.
i should be in dublin, making art, having fun with the friends i made there. i should be making ball-jointed dolls by now. instead, i do nothing. i haven't drawn anything in over a year. i don't sing anymore. i ended the first book of my comic writing and have no idea how to go on there...
why am i a failure?
also, i love to whine. but if you're reading this, you're expecting that, aren't you? good.
i'm living in a little cinderblock house on just the outside of palatka, florida, and the water smells horribly of sulphur, so when you wash your hands after using the bathroom, the water smell far overtakes any smell you might have made. taking a shower is a pain because of this. the hot water smells more strongly, so we try to avoid using it. we boil a kettle to wash the dishes with. my mum complains loudly every single time i take a shower.
i'm really tired of living.
my diabetes specialist, who is actually a nephrologist, won't listen to me, and refused to prescribe regular N insulin for me... which, i have found, over the years, that levemir, the long-acting insulin i was taking, was causing me to have horrible lows and seizures and brain damage and all sorts of things. i'm much stupider than i was a few years ago. :C
but anyway... then i asked my general practitioner to prescribe it for me... and i just quit seeing my diabetes specialist. he thinks too highly of himself and wasn't looking at me as a patient, but as a test subject.
anyway anyway, my diabetes has been completely terrible, and in the two months or so that we've been here in this house, i've gone to the hospital for a week about five times. i went just the other night to the ER because my mum didn't have any glucagon (sugar solution) shots to revive me.
whenever i go to the hospital, everyone is so nice, and talk to me a lot, and are interested in me and like, my hats that i'm crocheting, and then i come back home... and i'm alone here with my mum. i love my mum, i do, but... this is it. i sit in the living room with my mum and play video games or watch crap about ancient aliens on tv or wander around the wasteland that the internet has become. nothing ever happens. i never meet anyone. i live in a black neighborhood, so there's constant screaming children, but otherwise, nothing. sometimes, i get a wild hair and walk down the road to the dollar general and spend a few dollars on useless crap that i like...
this is not what my life was supposed to be.
this is not how i should be living.
i should be in dublin, making art, having fun with the friends i made there. i should be making ball-jointed dolls by now. instead, i do nothing. i haven't drawn anything in over a year. i don't sing anymore. i ended the first book of my comic writing and have no idea how to go on there...
why am i a failure?