(no subject)
You know what pisses me off? You know, when you’re having a conversation with someone and for some reason you get on a particular topic. In this case, let’s say the topic is….nuts. Don’t you hate how the other person usually has to make some dumb ass sexual comment creating some kind of lame ass pun based on your legitimate topic of conversation? Let’s say you say something like “I’m not sure I like those nuts. They leave a weird taste in my mouth.” Then the other person, in usual dumb ass fashion, just has to say something like “Uh. You don’t like the nuts in your mouth. *giggles*” And then he or she giggles like an idiot for a half hour because they think the made a clever joke out of your topic of conversation. THESE PEOPLE NEED TO BE KILLED!!!! I’m sick and tired of people warping simple topics into something perverted. And god forbids if you’re a woman who gets caught up in some kind of twisted word play like this. Before you know it, everyone at work or school is getting on your back because you made a comment about a large ball. It’s unnecessary, it’s stupid, and it just shows that you’re thinking with your sexual organs rather than your brain. This being the case, someone should glue your mouth to your butt, so that they may illustrate the fact that you, truly, indeed, SUCK ASS. NEXT TOPIC! Drunk people. You know, the type of asshole who always has to get shit-faced on the weekend, then go staggering around, patting you on the back, like you’re his best friend. When all you really want him to do is get in his car and drive home recklessly. I’m sick and tired of some incoherent asshole who smells like a case of malt liquor, all of a sudden talking about the philosophy of life while trying to pick up some woman at a bar. NICE! And what’s worse, those fucking dolts that go around and actually tell you how fucked up they got the night before. Like they deserve some type of award for falling face first into a patch of tomatoes in your backyard at 4am in the morning. And don’t forget, FRIENDS DON’T LET FRIENDS DRIVE DRUNK. Screw that. As far as I’m concerned, give them the keys, rev up the engine, and let them go sailing home with a bottle of tequila in their lap. 1 of 3 things will happen. 1) The cops will pull them over and end up having to beat the shit out of them just because this fucker is in a drunken rage and refuses to turn off Neil Diamond’s “They’re Coming to America.” # 2) they wrap themselves around a telephone pole and either be killed or paralyzed. Cruel you say, well so is inflicting your drunken stupidity on the rest of the world. So be ready to pay the consequences, asshole. Scenario # 3. My least favorite. They make it home okay and pass out on the lawn with their motor running while the radio is blasting some dumb ass metal song from the mid 80’s that no one wants to hear anymore. But at least it gives them a chance to try again next week. So if you’re a drunken idiot or a moron who has to manipulate legitimate conversations to get a cheap thrill out of your libido, please feel free to get together with one another on the weekends, drive around drunk, make all the twisted sexual comments you like. I’ll just watch from the local diner when no one has to scrape your body off the pavement with a fucking spatula. Get out of our fucking lives, you moronic assholes. Your existence is useless, and you’re dragging down the collected intelligence of humanity. You don’t like what I have to say? Well, here’s the keys and a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. I’ll see you tomorrow, but hopefully not.