"its almost like your heavens trying everything to keep me out"five finger death punch

[deadguttergirl]

its been so long since I felt the presence
been so long since I felt
yet I remember the strongest of feelings
now its a memory
and I cant fight hard enough to get it back
I am to blame
push so hard everything goes away
god love me everything
now im stuck barely making it through days
and I know im to blame
guilt and shame now my middle name
I hate the way I feel when I look in the mirror with sober eyes
I don't want to be sober
I want to be so high I never come back down
im lonely im tired
im useless and a complete waste of time
I feel like no one sees me
no one knows me
I want to be alive
but I feel so ugly
when im sober I feel my most ugly
im so pitiful
and I cant change fast enough
im bleeding inside
I feel my life coming to an end
and then the fight kicks in
only for Hope and Faith
everything now is for them