empty tears

[deadguttergirl]

ive been taken down to a level of desperation
too bad i cant breathe,i cant think
suffocation and anxiety eat at me
i want to run so fast i cant stop to think
though in my heart i know the sound of the truth will ring loudly inside
ive lost something and i dont know how i feel about it
im not comforted by my depression
im not comforted by a damn thing
its a pain that slices through your core
and you sit and wither away
they all want to say im strong
ill make it through it
im not strong im barely holding on
but i dont matter never have never will
i dont want the shallow happiness
yet the fulfilling stuff just isent hitting the spot
i want to tear myself appart
torture myself more
because some how i feel i did this
somehow i feel guilty
i did not do it,i did nothing wrong
im hurting in such a way that feels so close to being empty
what in the world did i do to deserve this
i just wanted to help him
i did not put myself first
so the one person i thought would never hurt me
hurt me in a way that i can not describe
do i want him?no
do i want to know why im so worthless that i wasent good enough yes.
im sorry I know somehow its my fault
but i still dont know what to do to fix this feeling
feels like i want to die but for a no good reason.