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[deadeyedchild]

I am sick of your shit and everyone else's too. I'm sick of time. I'm sick of money. I'm sick of the words that are constantly battering my brain. I'm sick of pills and lies about second chances. I'm sick of the distance between myself and nearly all of what I hold dear

Comments

Not trying to be mean at all

[anonymous]

Nikki even though we don't get along at all it's sucks that you're upset 24/7. Medication may help, therapy works well too, and good support system is what really helps. You may love this Mike character but maybe you should have gone back to NYU. You seemed happier there. And I'm sure you're upset you're in college period now. You were always intelligent and always did well in school, so maybe in you have the time or the money(actully scrath the money part you probably qualify for a pell grant) maybe you should take a few classes in the spring. Maybe that would boost your self estem. As for you being fat I could never ever imagine you being fat. And trust me I'd rather be a little bit overwight than be 30 pounds underweight. Yes you heard correctly. I lost 15 pounds because of my stress. Because I choose not to let anything bother me anymore so it attacks my body instead of my mind. Try to feel better and yes MSI kicks ass. Atleast you're still getting high, I haven't been able to find a hook up in weeks. And it seems you have a great boyfriend. Like I said I'm not trying to be mean, but hears a bit of advice. Try focussing on the good things you have and not the lack of things you want. And if you're happy with things it's time to change them.

Re: Not trying to be mean at all

[deadeyedchild]

Gee, I wonder who you are. Wait, 30 lbs underweight? Hi, Renee! And for your information I've tried 9 medications and none of them have worked except for Lithium, which I'm horribly allergic to, and Lamictal, which makes me so sick I can't eat and wake up in the night just to throw up. I'm not necessarily unhappy. I haven't been chronically depressed for more than a few days at a time since late June. I can't go back to NYU. It's not like I let a man stand in the way of my education, the people I love, and a city I adore. I can't afford it. I'm poor as shit. I can barely afford food. I don't even have a car. I also am not allowed to take classes anywhere right now or in the spring because technically I'm on medical leave with NYU (because maybe I should have been and it got my parents back some of the money they'd already paid).

And yeah, I'm at that point where I don't let shit bother me anymore and it attacks my body instead of my soul too. It will always attack my mind. My brain is pretty fucked up, but that's another story. If I don't smoke I can't eat, and sometimes even throw up. I had to go to the damn ER on my 18th birthday for my stomach (and they never found out what was wrong). I have a sinus infection. My back and neck are constantly in pain.

Honestly, Renee, my life is worse than it's ever been, but I'm probably the most stable I've ever been. So I bitch about shit and I get into crazy ass depressed moods. They don't last. The worst problem I have right now is mania, not depression.

Oh, and yes, MSI kicks ass. And I'm not trying to be a bitch or piss you off or anything, I'm just correcting you on everything wrong that you said. Don't make assumptions about my life, please. And seriously, good luck with yours.

Re: Not trying to be mean at all

[anonymous]

Mania is the worst part of bi polar disease and I show know this being it's my main problem. I understand the not eating if you don't smoke, that how I lost the weught. Anti-psychotics treat mania the best. Try to be happy.

Re: Not trying to be mean at all

[deadeyedchild]

Don't give me medication advice. I don't appreciate it too much. And why don't you take your own advice if you like it so much?