lies and failed relationships
This seems the only place i can go, where no one will find me, or my words. i feel like im drowning sometimes, and i know thats my fault. i know its because i cant get close to anyone becaues im constantly going, leaving, moving. eric is the only consistancy ive had in the last five years... why do you think i keep going back?
i dont know what to do anymore.
i start my new job on the 18th. its scary because its SUCH a good job for me. weekends off, no uniform, full benefits after a month, 11 an hour, and all i have to do is track packages. i mean, what more do i want? its so scary because i know it's going to keep me here, for awhile. i dont want to stay here, but thats nothing new.
i cut this morning. it ended up being WAY worse than i had planned, and i cant stop the bleeding. its nothing fatal. it will eventually stop, after i start feeling light headed, and it will go away. it will be a scar to mark another day that i was lied to, and betrayed, only this time in my own home. *shakes head* i gotta let it go. i gotta stop doing this. counting down the minutes until my suicide.
i dont want to die,
i wanna little fucking honesty.
i want my friends back. my real friends. i want to go to the city, and see the lights. i wanna quit smoking and drink a little less. i wanna go to school and i wanna have a boy, that loves me and DOESNT kiss other girls. i wanna life that doesnt suck the life out of me. i wanna stop creating drama, just to cover up the real issues, and i wanna be happy. i wanna be me, and i want it to be okay. i wanna keep playing guitar, and i want mr axleroth to really publish my writing, instead of this turning into some big joke.
i dont want to be your fucking joke anymore. you're making this go on forever, and you dont own me!
i dont know what i need to do, and i only wish i could figure it all out before it gets the rest of me. i dont want to stay this way forever.
i dont know what to do anymore.
i start my new job on the 18th. its scary because its SUCH a good job for me. weekends off, no uniform, full benefits after a month, 11 an hour, and all i have to do is track packages. i mean, what more do i want? its so scary because i know it's going to keep me here, for awhile. i dont want to stay here, but thats nothing new.
i cut this morning. it ended up being WAY worse than i had planned, and i cant stop the bleeding. its nothing fatal. it will eventually stop, after i start feeling light headed, and it will go away. it will be a scar to mark another day that i was lied to, and betrayed, only this time in my own home. *shakes head* i gotta let it go. i gotta stop doing this. counting down the minutes until my suicide.
i dont want to die,
i wanna little fucking honesty.
i want my friends back. my real friends. i want to go to the city, and see the lights. i wanna quit smoking and drink a little less. i wanna go to school and i wanna have a boy, that loves me and DOESNT kiss other girls. i wanna life that doesnt suck the life out of me. i wanna stop creating drama, just to cover up the real issues, and i wanna be happy. i wanna be me, and i want it to be okay. i wanna keep playing guitar, and i want mr axleroth to really publish my writing, instead of this turning into some big joke.
i dont want to be your fucking joke anymore. you're making this go on forever, and you dont own me!
i dont know what i need to do, and i only wish i could figure it all out before it gets the rest of me. i dont want to stay this way forever.