Just a little angst I need to vent...
This is directed towards a few people. It's really jumbled because I'm really emotional right now, and it may come out wrong. I've got to get this off my chest, though.
So, I've finally realized that I don't mean shit to some people that mean the world to me. It's nice to know that I'm so easily forgotten or replaced when I've put you on such a high fucking pedestal in my life. Really it is. I've spent so much time defending you people and sticking up for you, no matter how much of a bitch it made me seem like, but I bet that means nothing to you. You've never done that same, and you know it. Maybe I should have listened to them, but it's too late now. Every time I think about or talk to you people, I end up feeling angry and depressed. You have no clue how many times you've made me cry. You don't even care enough about me to realize how you've treated me. Maybe If you guys took just one fucking second to think about it you'd realize, but that may just be wishful thinking on my part. The worst part is, I still care so much for you, and everybody thinks I'm stupid for doing so. I'd still come running in a second if you needed me, but you'd never do the same for me, and I know it. I can't come to you for help because I don't think you'd care enough to really help. Every time I've ever truly needed you, you've never been there. You don't know how much that hurts me. I can't even mention any of this to you because I'd die if I destroyed what little connection we have left. It even hurts me to type this because I'm terrified you'll see it and it will drive you guys further away from me. In a way, I want you to see it so maybe you'll realize how much you've ignored me and how that's affected me. Maybe you'll think I'm over-reacting, but I know that I'm not. I can't take this anymore. I can't take realizing that I've been lying to myself for so long. I can't take knowing that I sacrificed so much of my own beliefs and personality for to make it easier for you people, but you couldn't even stop yourself from making me feel so completely alienated in your presence.
So, I've finally realized that I don't mean shit to some people that mean the world to me. It's nice to know that I'm so easily forgotten or replaced when I've put you on such a high fucking pedestal in my life. Really it is. I've spent so much time defending you people and sticking up for you, no matter how much of a bitch it made me seem like, but I bet that means nothing to you. You've never done that same, and you know it. Maybe I should have listened to them, but it's too late now. Every time I think about or talk to you people, I end up feeling angry and depressed. You have no clue how many times you've made me cry. You don't even care enough about me to realize how you've treated me. Maybe If you guys took just one fucking second to think about it you'd realize, but that may just be wishful thinking on my part. The worst part is, I still care so much for you, and everybody thinks I'm stupid for doing so. I'd still come running in a second if you needed me, but you'd never do the same for me, and I know it. I can't come to you for help because I don't think you'd care enough to really help. Every time I've ever truly needed you, you've never been there. You don't know how much that hurts me. I can't even mention any of this to you because I'd die if I destroyed what little connection we have left. It even hurts me to type this because I'm terrified you'll see it and it will drive you guys further away from me. In a way, I want you to see it so maybe you'll realize how much you've ignored me and how that's affected me. Maybe you'll think I'm over-reacting, but I know that I'm not. I can't take this anymore. I can't take realizing that I've been lying to myself for so long. I can't take knowing that I sacrificed so much of my own beliefs and personality for to make it easier for you people, but you couldn't even stop yourself from making me feel so completely alienated in your presence.