Going down. . .
I had the most wonderful dream last night.
Everyone was there. Even Rami. We were all having a good time. It made me both hopeful and nostalgic. I miss when I could have all of my friends in one room without them wanting to kill each other. I miss having friends.
It seems like everything is falling apart and coming together at the same time. Everyone, except Mike, Adam and of course Mick, hates me. Plus, I'm poor as hell til the loan check gets here. At the same time however, I'm going new places, meeting new people and doing new things. I'm finally getting a new house and I'm rarely bored on the weekends. Things have been better, things could be worse.
I just wish people could see things from my side. Maybe they'd understand, maybe they wouldn't, but at least then they'd have a better understanding of the situation as a whole. I don't know why, but I still hold the foolish hope that people will learn to see what is good in each other despite our flaws, or our pasts. It doesn't matter what we've done or who we were, we all have something beautiful and worthwhile in us, even when we can't see it. I don't know, I just wish everyone could understand each other. I want my dream to be a vision of the future, not some sad memory of good times.
Through all of this drama and insanity Mick has been my rock in the storm. <3 He listens all the time, which must be hard because I talk alot of nonsense. If I'm feeling like my world is shit and I should just give up, he reminds me that there are things worth the struggle. Things like love. I hate leaving him. I feel safe to feel and think and just be myself with him. He is so exquisite in every aspect that I can scarcely say that I (<--Miserable, Heartless Bitch) deserve him (<--Beautiful Mind, Body, and Soul). You can't control who you love, it just happens and it changes you forever. I've loved everyone I've ever called "friend" and they have all changed me. Now this love is changing me too, it's helping me see things a new way.
I believe in the best in people.
I belive in love.
I believe that there is always hope.
Everyone was there. Even Rami. We were all having a good time. It made me both hopeful and nostalgic. I miss when I could have all of my friends in one room without them wanting to kill each other. I miss having friends.
It seems like everything is falling apart and coming together at the same time. Everyone, except Mike, Adam and of course Mick, hates me. Plus, I'm poor as hell til the loan check gets here. At the same time however, I'm going new places, meeting new people and doing new things. I'm finally getting a new house and I'm rarely bored on the weekends. Things have been better, things could be worse.
I just wish people could see things from my side. Maybe they'd understand, maybe they wouldn't, but at least then they'd have a better understanding of the situation as a whole. I don't know why, but I still hold the foolish hope that people will learn to see what is good in each other despite our flaws, or our pasts. It doesn't matter what we've done or who we were, we all have something beautiful and worthwhile in us, even when we can't see it. I don't know, I just wish everyone could understand each other. I want my dream to be a vision of the future, not some sad memory of good times.
Through all of this drama and insanity Mick has been my rock in the storm. <3 He listens all the time, which must be hard because I talk alot of nonsense. If I'm feeling like my world is shit and I should just give up, he reminds me that there are things worth the struggle. Things like love. I hate leaving him. I feel safe to feel and think and just be myself with him. He is so exquisite in every aspect that I can scarcely say that I (<--Miserable, Heartless Bitch) deserve him (<--Beautiful Mind, Body, and Soul). You can't control who you love, it just happens and it changes you forever. I've loved everyone I've ever called "friend" and they have all changed me. Now this love is changing me too, it's helping me see things a new way.
I believe in the best in people.
I belive in love.
I believe that there is always hope.