(no subject)
About a year ago I lost my mind, this time it was real. I always spoke of losing it growing up telling myself that it was gone a lot of the time throughout high school. But this time was real. I remember it started as a theory, somewhere along the lines of de-realization. I thought long and hard about the garden of eden and adam taking the apple and what not, I thought maybe there is a way to de-establish certain ideas in my mind (which I still believe to be possible). I turned all my decisions into directions given to me from my environment wherever I was at the time. I guess I would say that I was aligning myself to a track rather than manually manuever myself about. the beginning was a deconstruction of principles or rules that one subconciously lives by. When I did this I believe I lost many emotions that were in my mind. after that happened I guess you could say it was all downhill.
I choose to regret all the things I did a year ago.
the reason being it resulted in the loss of my best friend. who I probably won't ever talk to or see again for the rest of my days.
I am changed forever from the events that took place, I enjoy being outside when the sun is down more than up. a lack of light proposes something mysterious that keeps me interested in the world. I have to remember how fucked up and abnormal I was acting compared to what is well known as appropriate.
I can appreciate the fact that I made it out alive, and that I seem to be at a balanced state of mind. though I feel as if I locked myself into isolation and developed agoraphobia. some day i'll make my way to the road.
I choose to regret all the things I did a year ago.
the reason being it resulted in the loss of my best friend. who I probably won't ever talk to or see again for the rest of my days.
I am changed forever from the events that took place, I enjoy being outside when the sun is down more than up. a lack of light proposes something mysterious that keeps me interested in the world. I have to remember how fucked up and abnormal I was acting compared to what is well known as appropriate.
I can appreciate the fact that I made it out alive, and that I seem to be at a balanced state of mind. though I feel as if I locked myself into isolation and developed agoraphobia. some day i'll make my way to the road.