(no subject)
I have a wonderful life....
#1 Last night Chris started talking about some really DEEP stuff. I thought I knew him but every time I think I do he comes up with something new. I want to know everything about him. I want to be closer to him than any other person in the world. I mean I want to be close to him in a way that I can't be close to any other person. He started telling me stuff he hasn't told me....
When he was twelve he was playing football with one of his friends and threw it too far. It landed in the street. His friend ran into the street to get it and a drunk driver ran over him. He died instantly. I think that is the worst thing in the world especially if you are twelve holding your best friends body. His friend died on impact. Ever since then he is been scared to get close to people or to care. (I know what your thinking Krista... Your like ~PUKE~ Get over it!) ANYWAYS.. I know what it feels like because I was about the same age whenever my Mom went through her head injury.
ANYWAYS... We were talking and he said there were some things he would never tell me. That bothers me. I mean.. I want to know how many times he blinks his eyes in a minute. I am weird like that, but that's what I want. I could be like that with Darren. I could have everything I ever wanted with Darren. But I don't want Darren. I want Chris. It's weird to want something you can't have but that's the way most people work. I don't care what happens anymore. I think if I give it enough time I will know everything about him no matter how much he tries to fight himself on telling me he will. I don't want to pry things out o him. I want him to tell me. I want him to trust me.
#2 Last night I thought about what he told me and I called him back. I have told you (Krista) that I want someone to be like "It's "OK" Morgaine, You can live another thirty years and not kill yourself." I don't think Chris is like that. He asked me how I felt about what he told me and I said, " This is GREAT if we want to be GREAT friends..." He freaked out. He was like what do you mean.... I was like well.. I don't feel that you treat me like a Girlfriend. And he was like what do you want me too do, whatever it is I will try and fix it. The problem is that there is nothing to fix. That is how he is and this is how I am. I DEFINATLY don't want him to be like OH HONEY HOW WAS YOUR DAY. I want ...... I don't know what I want. I want him to ....... understand like no one else will understand. I am so difficult. For some reason everything around me has to be so hard and difficult. I guess to say I want him to love and care about me as much as I love and care about him. I wonder if that will ever happen....
#3 TODAY~ I called my Grandma and told her that I didn't want to do my solo in the Recital. She freaked out of course but finally came around. I am too busy to practice for it and I havn't done it since Tulsa. Then I told her I might not be able to be at my cousin Heather's wedding since I have Dance Rehearsal on the same day. She called my Aunt Terra and said SOMETHING to her. ANYWAYS there is a big fight in the family now because my Cousin wants me to be there at her wedding which means I am going to be. I just said I might not be able to because of Mary. I have thought about it and Mary can shit herself. I don't care. This is a once in a lifetime thing and it's more important to me than her stupid or shall I say my stupid dress rehearsal. I don't know.....
Time will hopefully go on lol........
See you freaks later....................