My life is such a ying yang
5 months ago i didn't think it was possible to go through as much change as I actually have in that time period. I feel so positive in so many ways. I can honestly say that I have improved every aspect of my life, besides one.
I'm taking 18 credits this semester, and already I want to poke my eyes out. It's what week 4 and I'm going nuts. I love it! This semester is going to be amazing, it already is. I'm taking
Intro to Human Geography
Classics of Asian Religion
Intro to Cinema
Playwriting
Intro to Philosophy
Banned Books and Censorship
I love all the classes. I'm a little behind on reading because of work, but I finally worked out my schedule so I don't work so much on weeknights. I don't really have to work all that much, I got so much financial aide that money isn't an issue anymore. I got $8100 for the year. So i got about $4000 for this semester. In about a week I get the left over money...$1700! Which is pretty exciting. I'm buying
http://www.gsmotorworks.com/detail.cfm?id=777
And hopefully I'll be getting my permit this week so I can learn how to drive, about time huh.
More positive aspects of Kylie's life
Sober for 6 months, I'm very proud of that. I'm also embarrassed to say that, but it happens I suppose.
I didn't spend my summer writing like I had planned, but a lot of things happened that I never planned would happen. I spent the summer just trying to be happy. I wrote when i felt like it I suppose. I want to find time to write for at least an hour, or more, everyday. I have to write scenes for playwriting and it's so hard for some reason. I think I'm nervous to not be good enough in front of my classmates. I'll just write and see what happens.
I have really great friends. A few I feel like I can always go to. Especially Denise. Which is great because I miss having girl friends and she is just great. We always laugh until we cry together. We're going as thing one and thing two for halloween...except dead! hahaha yay
My living situation is pretty good. Very comfortable. But there's always a fear of whats going to happen at the end of the lease. But I have about a month before I find that out.
I got to see the ocean! IT was great. It was amazing standing there and letting the waves crash into my legs, just staring out during the night time. I wish I could live on the ocean, I'd be out there every day.
I keep getting chased by guys. I have a good amount of guys who want to date me, but I don't have any desire to date them. Even when I see someone attractive, its hard to think about dating them. I can't even comprehend something serious. But I want to. I mean maybe I haven't met someone who will make me fall for them in a heartbeat. I have met a lot of great guys but still the feelings i have only go so far.
I feel so happy, and content with life. I actually haven't felt this happy in such a long time. I feel like I'm finding myself very rapidly. I'm an individual again and its wonderful. I still feel this whole in heart though and lately it seems like its cracking from the rims and growing larger everyday. I know exactly what it is and I want to make it go away.
I want to know how I can make things right again, or start things over fresh. I mean it's been five months and I still think about you on a pretty consistent basis. Not in negative ways anymore, I'm not mad about what happened. It just kills me inside to know theres a really high chance that I'll never know what could have been. I mean, I don't even know if anything good would come from trying to start over. I mean we could just fight and argue all over again. Or things could be so much better and different. I can tell you've grown a lot and I feel my growth everyday. I'm willing to take a chance to find out if something could sprout again. I don't see why it couldn't. I know I could go on without you, and live my life just fine. I'd eventually find someone who swept me off my feet but I just don't want to. I've let go of you, but I want to hold on again, just a little bit. I want to know how you're doing, and I want to tell you how I'm doing. I want to laugh with you about silly things that happen during the day. I want to go to bed and think of you. I want to dream of you in happy ways and wake up knowing its true, and not wake up tears anymore. I want to hug you and hold you. I want to just look at you and be in disbelief youre there, and just smile knowing you are. I want to hear the beats of your slam poetry and dance to the melodies of your music.
I'm trying to be patient, but it's so hard. Especially when I know you don't feel like this anymore. I tried to move on completely, but something deep inside me says it's not the right path to take. I want so badly to receive an IM from you, even just to say hi. Because at least for that moment, you thought of talking to me and not how to make me go away.
I'm strong enough to accept nothing may ever happen again. But a girl can dream. I mean, let's take into consideration who we're talking about. Wouldn't you do anything to make it right again?
I'm taking 18 credits this semester, and already I want to poke my eyes out. It's what week 4 and I'm going nuts. I love it! This semester is going to be amazing, it already is. I'm taking
Intro to Human Geography
Classics of Asian Religion
Intro to Cinema
Playwriting
Intro to Philosophy
Banned Books and Censorship
I love all the classes. I'm a little behind on reading because of work, but I finally worked out my schedule so I don't work so much on weeknights. I don't really have to work all that much, I got so much financial aide that money isn't an issue anymore. I got $8100 for the year. So i got about $4000 for this semester. In about a week I get the left over money...$1700! Which is pretty exciting. I'm buying
http://www.gsmotorworks.com/detail.cfm?id=777
And hopefully I'll be getting my permit this week so I can learn how to drive, about time huh.
More positive aspects of Kylie's life
Sober for 6 months, I'm very proud of that. I'm also embarrassed to say that, but it happens I suppose.
I didn't spend my summer writing like I had planned, but a lot of things happened that I never planned would happen. I spent the summer just trying to be happy. I wrote when i felt like it I suppose. I want to find time to write for at least an hour, or more, everyday. I have to write scenes for playwriting and it's so hard for some reason. I think I'm nervous to not be good enough in front of my classmates. I'll just write and see what happens.
I have really great friends. A few I feel like I can always go to. Especially Denise. Which is great because I miss having girl friends and she is just great. We always laugh until we cry together. We're going as thing one and thing two for halloween...except dead! hahaha yay
My living situation is pretty good. Very comfortable. But there's always a fear of whats going to happen at the end of the lease. But I have about a month before I find that out.
I got to see the ocean! IT was great. It was amazing standing there and letting the waves crash into my legs, just staring out during the night time. I wish I could live on the ocean, I'd be out there every day.
I keep getting chased by guys. I have a good amount of guys who want to date me, but I don't have any desire to date them. Even when I see someone attractive, its hard to think about dating them. I can't even comprehend something serious. But I want to. I mean maybe I haven't met someone who will make me fall for them in a heartbeat. I have met a lot of great guys but still the feelings i have only go so far.
I feel so happy, and content with life. I actually haven't felt this happy in such a long time. I feel like I'm finding myself very rapidly. I'm an individual again and its wonderful. I still feel this whole in heart though and lately it seems like its cracking from the rims and growing larger everyday. I know exactly what it is and I want to make it go away.
I want to know how I can make things right again, or start things over fresh. I mean it's been five months and I still think about you on a pretty consistent basis. Not in negative ways anymore, I'm not mad about what happened. It just kills me inside to know theres a really high chance that I'll never know what could have been. I mean, I don't even know if anything good would come from trying to start over. I mean we could just fight and argue all over again. Or things could be so much better and different. I can tell you've grown a lot and I feel my growth everyday. I'm willing to take a chance to find out if something could sprout again. I don't see why it couldn't. I know I could go on without you, and live my life just fine. I'd eventually find someone who swept me off my feet but I just don't want to. I've let go of you, but I want to hold on again, just a little bit. I want to know how you're doing, and I want to tell you how I'm doing. I want to laugh with you about silly things that happen during the day. I want to go to bed and think of you. I want to dream of you in happy ways and wake up knowing its true, and not wake up tears anymore. I want to hug you and hold you. I want to just look at you and be in disbelief youre there, and just smile knowing you are. I want to hear the beats of your slam poetry and dance to the melodies of your music.
I'm trying to be patient, but it's so hard. Especially when I know you don't feel like this anymore. I tried to move on completely, but something deep inside me says it's not the right path to take. I want so badly to receive an IM from you, even just to say hi. Because at least for that moment, you thought of talking to me and not how to make me go away.
I'm strong enough to accept nothing may ever happen again. But a girl can dream. I mean, let's take into consideration who we're talking about. Wouldn't you do anything to make it right again?