(no subject)
yeah, so it turns out i love him so much. i've loved him since i was 13 years old. and i'm always going to love him. i'm a strong believer in all this soul mate jazz, and i really do think he's it. i cannot imagine being with anyone else. as bad as it makes me feel to admit it, i've tried. i've tried so many times to imagine myself hugging or laying with another guy, and it feels so wrong.
i really hope i'm not wrong in thinking all this. i know i am the most hopeless of all hopeless romantics. i might be feeding myself all this junk because it's the sort of love story thing that i live for. i can't understand how i could be wrong. we get along so perfectly. we're so different;he has everything that i need, and i have everything that he needs. i can't really even describe how beautiful it all is...i couldn't do it justice if i wanted to. usually i'm never at a loss for words...but this? this has me at a loss for words.
it scares me though. there's so many questions that i have. so many loose ends that need to be tied. there's always the matter of being apart...the matter of going to university. the question of how long do i have to wait to be his again? being apart from him is so painful. it's like i have a magnet right in the middle of my chest, and he has the polar side in his. i can feel the magnets pulling for each other, but they're going nowhere. it's a heaviness that i have in my body.
there's nothing i want more than him. sure, you can say this is just some silly teenager thing. but this is a silly teenager thing that's been going on for 4 years now. never once have i stopped wanting him. and i think it's safe to say it's been the same for him. i want us to have our pink and black house with our little boy and little girl- faux and isis. he makes me want to settle down. he makes me want to actually have children. he makes me want to be completely selfless. i don't want to be seventeen anymore. i want to be whatever age it is that will let us be together.
in the words of holly golightly in breakfast at tiffany's, "but I am mad about jose. i honestly think i'd give up smoking if he asked me." his name isn't jose, and i don't smoke...but i'd anything for him if he asked me to. i'm over the selfish thing. i'm over anything and everything that would hurt him. i think for once in my life i'm actually mature enough to be a relationship. kiddy time is over. serious time is here. i pray that god will let it all come to me in the way that it should. i pray that he will help me be patient...because i know he knows what's best for me. what's best for me has to be this boy. if he isn't what's best for me...i'll wait until he is.
sorry to ramble and be wickedly annoying. i've a bit overcome with too many emotions. i just love him. love love love love love. i want to dance in the forest like sleeping beauty and sing that 'once upon a dream' song. i want three magical fairies like sleeping beauty. i want to fall asleep like sleeping beauty....as long as when i wake up, he'll get his butt over here.
goodnight, loves. =]
i really hope i'm not wrong in thinking all this. i know i am the most hopeless of all hopeless romantics. i might be feeding myself all this junk because it's the sort of love story thing that i live for. i can't understand how i could be wrong. we get along so perfectly. we're so different;he has everything that i need, and i have everything that he needs. i can't really even describe how beautiful it all is...i couldn't do it justice if i wanted to. usually i'm never at a loss for words...but this? this has me at a loss for words.
it scares me though. there's so many questions that i have. so many loose ends that need to be tied. there's always the matter of being apart...the matter of going to university. the question of how long do i have to wait to be his again? being apart from him is so painful. it's like i have a magnet right in the middle of my chest, and he has the polar side in his. i can feel the magnets pulling for each other, but they're going nowhere. it's a heaviness that i have in my body.
there's nothing i want more than him. sure, you can say this is just some silly teenager thing. but this is a silly teenager thing that's been going on for 4 years now. never once have i stopped wanting him. and i think it's safe to say it's been the same for him. i want us to have our pink and black house with our little boy and little girl- faux and isis. he makes me want to settle down. he makes me want to actually have children. he makes me want to be completely selfless. i don't want to be seventeen anymore. i want to be whatever age it is that will let us be together.
in the words of holly golightly in breakfast at tiffany's, "but I am mad about jose. i honestly think i'd give up smoking if he asked me." his name isn't jose, and i don't smoke...but i'd anything for him if he asked me to. i'm over the selfish thing. i'm over anything and everything that would hurt him. i think for once in my life i'm actually mature enough to be a relationship. kiddy time is over. serious time is here. i pray that god will let it all come to me in the way that it should. i pray that he will help me be patient...because i know he knows what's best for me. what's best for me has to be this boy. if he isn't what's best for me...i'll wait until he is.
sorry to ramble and be wickedly annoying. i've a bit overcome with too many emotions. i just love him. love love love love love. i want to dance in the forest like sleeping beauty and sing that 'once upon a dream' song. i want three magical fairies like sleeping beauty. i want to fall asleep like sleeping beauty....as long as when i wake up, he'll get his butt over here.
goodnight, loves. =]