Once again, awesome comment is awesome! Thank you so much! I ♥ your feedback.
I thought the scene with Dean shaving was really well done.
Thank you. It was another scene that was really important but quite difficult. Not to write, so much, but more that I knew that it could go wrong, or just come off as false. And yes, absolutely, re. Dean worrying about Sam's reaction more than that he'd cut himself. I think that is part of the shame he's feeling at this time.
The instant I realized Dean had no intention of telling Sam about the red eyes from the man’s dream I thought he deserved a spanking...
That was definitely intentional and planned, both on my part and Dean's. Hee! I'm glad it created a bit of mystery but still made sense overall. And, I'm glad that you caught why it is that the man didn't want to tell his wife about his dreams. That was just sort of slipped in there.
Loved the grilled cheese... That seems very true to life, and at the same time true to character.
I'm glad that whole scene worked for you. I wasn't sure if I wasn't pushing it with some the remembered back-story; it all made sense in my head, but I still worried. So, yays! And, that exchange about the way of cutting made me happy, too.
As for the strapping memory, I'm happy that you found it insightful and not just depressing. It really was fundamental to the whole: I feel that there was a sense, at least, that Dean didn't want to stand up to his dad. He takes it here, and in general, as a sign of weakness, but with his Sammy he comes to accept it as a need for something different, not a fear of repercussions. He's not a weak little boy, but a strong man, one that just needs some daddiness sometimes. It's his way of letting go. However, with John, there was always an edge to it. With Sam, it's right: entirely consensual, and with the understanding that it's something Sam does for Dean, not to him.
That's what I was trying to set up for later in the fic, and it seems like it worked for you; yes?
When Dean burns himself, I started to wonder if maybe he was being targeted by the same creature that had killed the other victims, along with having flashbacks from hell.
That was exactly what I was going for: some mystery, ambiguity and foreboding. So glad it worked!
And I enjoyed the scene with Sam looking Dean over, mostly because of Dean’s positive reaction to it. Nice.
That is something that wasn't planned; it just came as I was writing. I'm delighted you enjoyed it.
Again, thank you for the detailed feedback. It makes me so happy! ♥
And to this: As for the strapping memory, I'm happy that you found it insightful and not just depressing. It really was fundamental to the whole: I feel that there was a sense, at least, that Dean didn't want to stand up to his dad. He takes it here, and in general, as a sign of weakness, but with his Sammy he comes to accept it as a need for something different, not a fear of repercussions. He's not a weak little boy, but a strong man, one that just needs some daddiness sometimes. It's his way of letting go. However, with John, there was always an edge to it. With Sam, it's right: entirely consensual, and with the understanding that it's something Sam does for Dean, not to him.
That's what I was trying to set up for later in the fic, and it seems like it worked for you; yes?
Kind of. Yes, I do see where you're going with it, but when I read it, I wasn't thinking of spanking specifically or topish behavior, I was thinking of it in more general terms. I'm sure Dean didn't want to stand up to John - not just for spanking, or punishment, or following orders, but just generally in life, because John was the only constant in the chaotic life they were leading. And especially at that point in Dean's life when his Sammy had just left him. :(
Dean was made to take on adult responsibilities as a small child, and he had it drilled into him time and time again that Sam was his responsability. So of course Dean would see it as a weakness in himself to let someone take care of HIM. Of course he would be ashamed of not wanting to be the responsible one, because he wouldn't be following orders or fitting into the role that John had made for him. And I think part of what makes this story great is that Dean eventually can accept help from Sam, and not feel ashamed of it.
Yes! That's actually what I meant. It might not have been clear in the fic or in my comments, but that's what I was trying to establish. The spanking is part of it, as is the dom/sub type stuff between Sam and Dean, but those are just elements, examples; what's at the heart of it all is what you described.
In my mind, Dean is strong and brave, but he's had to work so hard and take on so much responsibility, and at such a young age, and it all had enormous effects on his self-image, sense of security, emotional needs, etc. He needs that rock that John was, that sense of constancy and leadership, but to get that from his Sammy seems shameful, just as you described it. Getting to the point where he can let go emotionally and allow someone else to take care of him is huge, and it's his first step towards healing, not just from Hell, but from an entire life of hardship, anxiety and trauma. I just want to snuggle him up; thank God we have a Sammy to do it!
I think that comes through clearly in the fic. That the spanking dom/sub stuff is just one element in a bigger whole. :)
I love how you put that - 'healing not just from Hell, but from an entire life of hardship.' because that is how I see Dean's life, and not so much Sam's life, because Sam had Dean there to buffer that for him. And yes, having Sammy be the one to give him that comfort is what makes your story awesome, because Dean was always there to give that to him in the past. :)
I thought the scene with Dean shaving was really well done.
Thank you. It was another scene that was really important but quite difficult. Not to write, so much, but more that I knew that it could go wrong, or just come off as false. And yes, absolutely, re. Dean worrying about Sam's reaction more than that he'd cut himself. I think that is part of the shame he's feeling at this time.
The instant I realized Dean had no intention of telling Sam about the red eyes from the man’s dream I thought he deserved a spanking...
That was definitely intentional and planned, both on my part and Dean's. Hee! I'm glad it created a bit of mystery but still made sense overall. And, I'm glad that you caught why it is that the man didn't want to tell his wife about his dreams. That was just sort of slipped in there.
Loved the grilled cheese... That seems very true to life, and at the same time true to character.
I'm glad that whole scene worked for you. I wasn't sure if I wasn't pushing it with some the remembered back-story; it all made sense in my head, but I still worried. So, yays! And, that exchange about the way of cutting made me happy, too.
As for the strapping memory, I'm happy that you found it insightful and not just depressing. It really was fundamental to the whole: I feel that there was a sense, at least, that Dean didn't want to stand up to his dad. He takes it here, and in general, as a sign of weakness, but with his Sammy he comes to accept it as a need for something different, not a fear of repercussions. He's not a weak little boy, but a strong man, one that just needs some daddiness sometimes. It's his way of letting go. However, with John, there was always an edge to it. With Sam, it's right: entirely consensual, and with the understanding that it's something Sam does for Dean, not to him.
That's what I was trying to set up for later in the fic, and it seems like it worked for you; yes?
When Dean burns himself, I started to wonder if maybe he was being targeted by the same creature that had killed the other victims, along with having flashbacks from hell.
That was exactly what I was going for: some mystery, ambiguity and
foreboding. So glad it worked!
And I enjoyed the scene with Sam looking Dean over, mostly because of Dean’s positive reaction to it. Nice.
That is something that wasn't planned; it just came as I was writing. I'm delighted you enjoyed it.
Again, thank you for the detailed feedback. It makes me so happy! ♥
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And to this:
As for the strapping memory, I'm happy that you found it insightful and not just depressing. It really was fundamental to the whole: I feel that there was a sense, at least, that Dean didn't want to stand up to his dad. He takes it here, and in general, as a sign of weakness, but with his Sammy he comes to accept it as a need for something different, not a fear of repercussions. He's not a weak little boy, but a strong man, one that just needs some daddiness sometimes. It's his way of letting go. However, with John, there was always an edge to it. With Sam, it's right: entirely consensual, and with the understanding that it's something Sam does for Dean, not to him.
That's what I was trying to set up for later in the fic, and it seems like it worked for you; yes?
Kind of. Yes, I do see where you're going with it, but when I read it, I wasn't thinking of spanking specifically or topish behavior, I was thinking of it in more general terms. I'm sure Dean didn't want to stand up to John - not just for spanking, or punishment, or following orders, but just generally in life, because John was the only constant in the chaotic life they were leading. And especially at that point in Dean's life when his Sammy had just left him. :(
Dean was made to take on adult responsibilities as a small child, and he had it drilled into him time and time again that Sam was his responsability. So of course Dean would see it as a weakness in himself to let someone take care of HIM. Of course he would be ashamed of not wanting to be the responsible one, because he wouldn't be following orders or fitting into the role that John had made for him. And I think part of what makes this story great is that Dean eventually can accept help from Sam, and not feel ashamed of it.
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In my mind, Dean is strong and brave, but he's had to work so hard and take on so much responsibility, and at such a young age, and it all had enormous effects on his self-image, sense of security, emotional needs, etc. He needs that rock that John was, that sense of constancy and leadership, but to get that from his Sammy seems shameful, just as you described it. Getting to the point where he can let go emotionally and allow someone else to take care of him is huge, and it's his first step towards healing, not just from Hell, but from an entire life of hardship, anxiety and trauma. I just want to snuggle him up; thank God we have a Sammy to do it!
Reply
I love how you put that - 'healing not just from Hell, but from an entire life of hardship.' because that is how I see Dean's life, and not so much Sam's life, because Sam had Dean there to buffer that for him. And yes, having Sammy be the one to give him that comfort is what makes your story awesome, because Dean was always there to give that to him in the past. :)
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