the headache entry.
I have one of those headaches. a migraine they are called, but I don't know why. I like to call them lifestyle headaches. or immersion headaches. because they both immerse you in total pain until you can't do much of anything and take away any kind of life you might try to lead while they have you. they reduce you to nothing. not a sense works with out causing pain. in fact I am looking at the screen right now with one eye closed. the right if you are keeping score. and with the lose of senses you become a lump of flesh and really nothing more than the headache it self. just a simple throbbing pulse in the back of a head. might be a tumor. 2 more. but why would I want to know that anyway? when you name something you give it power. until I call it "Tumor" it is just a lump or an ache. after "Tumor" is born it is a death machine.
the only thing I can do is medicate myself until I pass out. and not headache relief medicines, but lifestyle medicine, immersion medicine. klonopin tonight thank you. or maybe just melatonin. I have not decided. I'll let the headache decide.
these headaches used to happen to me when I was a wee boy. I remember the A-Team being on and I was unable to look at the screen it hurt so bad. my mom would pour pepsi down my throat when it happened. that was probably a bad solution to the problem. she is a lovely but sometimes misdirected mother. so, I just laid there and listened to Hannibal make it all happen. then he delivered the line that ended most of the A-Team adventures, "I love it when a plan comes together". Don't we all George, don't we all. I envisioned Hannibal standing over to me with his arm around a big gray mass wearing a t-shirt that just said simply, "Head Acher". the gray mass had the t-shirt on, not Hannibal. they had colluded to give me the headache. it was their plan and it had come together.
at some point today I should have given up and let someone else make all my decisions for me. I should have went limp and allowed any willing volunteer to play me like a puppet. move me around and do things. lead me about my day at their will.
ugh. ugh. ugh.
signing in place of jon tonight will be the headache,
-headache.
the only thing I can do is medicate myself until I pass out. and not headache relief medicines, but lifestyle medicine, immersion medicine. klonopin tonight thank you. or maybe just melatonin. I have not decided. I'll let the headache decide.
these headaches used to happen to me when I was a wee boy. I remember the A-Team being on and I was unable to look at the screen it hurt so bad. my mom would pour pepsi down my throat when it happened. that was probably a bad solution to the problem. she is a lovely but sometimes misdirected mother. so, I just laid there and listened to Hannibal make it all happen. then he delivered the line that ended most of the A-Team adventures, "I love it when a plan comes together". Don't we all George, don't we all. I envisioned Hannibal standing over to me with his arm around a big gray mass wearing a t-shirt that just said simply, "Head Acher". the gray mass had the t-shirt on, not Hannibal. they had colluded to give me the headache. it was their plan and it had come together.
at some point today I should have given up and let someone else make all my decisions for me. I should have went limp and allowed any willing volunteer to play me like a puppet. move me around and do things. lead me about my day at their will.
ugh. ugh. ugh.
signing in place of jon tonight will be the headache,
-headache.