Aug 25, 2003 00:55
a lot of situations/events have me feeling down lately and i'm trying not to let them get to me but i feel like i'm just trying to pretend and ignore the fact that i am upset. but i'd like to think i'm in control of my own feelings? but i guess i am? i am not good at dealing with stress. i feel alone. this weekend was too weird. i feel like everything around me is fake or insincere or just plain shitty. after i'm done thinking about all of the stuff around me....i focus my attention on myself and my actions and i feel like a shitty person. i don't know what to do.....and...yeh........i'm not good at dealing with stress. so maybe i don't feel like a complete shithead...just an overwhelmed shithead.
i also feel like because i'm younger, older people talk down to me and seem to think that because i'm younger and the shit i'm doing is more "juvenile," that it doesn't mean it still affects me in a big way.
bleh. i don't know what i'm talking about. sammy, please let me trim your toenails, they're getting long and making you walk funny. school, please keep my paranoid brain occupied, but with fun things...not stressing over how i'm going to get into a certain math class and how i'm going to get into another english class. please mom, i'm not TRYING to make you nervous when we're driving in the car together; i'm doing my best and i'm not the best driver just yet. please brain, stop thinking ridiculous things right before i put you to sleep; i'm sick of going to bed with a soggy pillow.
please shit, stop being broken.