Forgetten
OK well, my birthday gets one day closer everyday. I am invititng around 60-65 of my friends, and thats just the small portion of them. But i dont really know how many are going to come, i hope most of them do, because i would feel really weird not having a lot of these kids around for my birthday party.
But anyways, onto what i was going to write about, it kinda does have to do with the above, well the fact that its about friends. Well i dont know why but i feel abandoned, or forgotten for some reason by my friends. I mean this could just be something stupid and making a big deal about it, but still. I mean lately, its just been kinda like different, because one of my own best friends is now just hanging out with his new made friends ALL THE TIME, it makes me feel like i did something wrong, and im sure i did, and im gonna go with me being gay, that maybe changed out relationship or whatever. And i also say this, because one of the guys he is now hanging out with, well they both hated eachother before and couldnt stand being in the same room, they would talk crap about eachother, and now all of a sudden they are such good friends, and they hang out all the time. Also i think thats it, the hanging out. Everyone is always doing stuff with everyone else, they go out just driving sometimes, or they go and hang out at eachothers houses, or do homework together. You want to know how many times ive been invited to do homework with some of my best friends....none, you wanna know how many times ive been invited to actually hang out with them, without me asking if i can, about 4. and im not joking either, i used to think that my friends would voluntarily do it, but i guess i was wrong. I have to ask them if we can do something or if i can go with them, or better yet TAG ALONG, thats what ive always been, a tag along. Not someone who they really want around, maybe im their pitty friend or something. I mean, ive never really had people come to my house like best friends in the movies and TV, and i know that it isnt just in tv and movies, because they do that. And ive even questioned myself about friendships, i mean, my friendship with aaron is probably the most insignificant, and i he even said it himself, because one day i said something about us being pretty close, and he responded with "musically yes", i took it kind of personal, but only because of two reasons. 1. he and i hadnt been great friends, and over the summer we began to talk more and whatnot, and i told him some pretty personal things, and i even came out to him, without really reassuring myself that he was indeed a true friend, and in some ways he is, because he has helped me, and he is a pretty good person. But to be told that we are close friends, but only when it comes to music, that kinda hurt. I mean had he said, "we arent best friends, but we are friends" that wouldnt have bothered or hurt so much. I think in a sense he did that because at the time, i liked him, and he knew that. But now i dont, ive gotten over him, and ive even asked myself how i could have liked him.....maybe ill finish this tomorrow during fourth when ihave time.................................... good night
But anyways, onto what i was going to write about, it kinda does have to do with the above, well the fact that its about friends. Well i dont know why but i feel abandoned, or forgotten for some reason by my friends. I mean this could just be something stupid and making a big deal about it, but still. I mean lately, its just been kinda like different, because one of my own best friends is now just hanging out with his new made friends ALL THE TIME, it makes me feel like i did something wrong, and im sure i did, and im gonna go with me being gay, that maybe changed out relationship or whatever. And i also say this, because one of the guys he is now hanging out with, well they both hated eachother before and couldnt stand being in the same room, they would talk crap about eachother, and now all of a sudden they are such good friends, and they hang out all the time. Also i think thats it, the hanging out. Everyone is always doing stuff with everyone else, they go out just driving sometimes, or they go and hang out at eachothers houses, or do homework together. You want to know how many times ive been invited to do homework with some of my best friends....none, you wanna know how many times ive been invited to actually hang out with them, without me asking if i can, about 4. and im not joking either, i used to think that my friends would voluntarily do it, but i guess i was wrong. I have to ask them if we can do something or if i can go with them, or better yet TAG ALONG, thats what ive always been, a tag along. Not someone who they really want around, maybe im their pitty friend or something. I mean, ive never really had people come to my house like best friends in the movies and TV, and i know that it isnt just in tv and movies, because they do that. And ive even questioned myself about friendships, i mean, my friendship with aaron is probably the most insignificant, and i he even said it himself, because one day i said something about us being pretty close, and he responded with "musically yes", i took it kind of personal, but only because of two reasons. 1. he and i hadnt been great friends, and over the summer we began to talk more and whatnot, and i told him some pretty personal things, and i even came out to him, without really reassuring myself that he was indeed a true friend, and in some ways he is, because he has helped me, and he is a pretty good person. But to be told that we are close friends, but only when it comes to music, that kinda hurt. I mean had he said, "we arent best friends, but we are friends" that wouldnt have bothered or hurt so much. I think in a sense he did that because at the time, i liked him, and he knew that. But now i dont, ive gotten over him, and ive even asked myself how i could have liked him.....maybe ill finish this tomorrow during fourth when ihave time.................................... good night