Echolls Family Christmas 2006

[dead_hooker_2]

Trina has decided, in that way Trina decides things, that she's going to have a nice, happy, normal family Christmas. The fact that she has no nice, happy, normal family at any other time of the year does not deter her. She's going to have family and carols and cook food and there's going to be a Christmas like you have in the movies, not one

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[obligatoryass]

Logan opens the door, and the house, at first, smells delicious. Like sweet things cooking, except he knows how Trina feels about baking, so he chalks it up to a candle.

Underneath the pleasant smell, though, is one far less pleasing: Food gone wrong. He has no idea what she's done to make it smell that bad, but it gets worse as he nears the kitchen.

"Um, hello?" he calls.

[dead_hooker_2]

"Merry Christmas, Logan," says Trina.

There might be smoke pouring out of the oven.

It's totally normal, right?

[obligatoryass]

"Merry -"

Logan stops and heroically turns off the oven. "Do you have a fire extinguisher?" he asks, peering into the oven. "I can't tell if this is actually on fire. There's too much smoke."

He coughs, making his point.

[dead_hooker_2]

"It's not that much smoke," she says. "It's just . . . for flavoring or something."

Trina has managed to cook a turkey that is black on the outside and still frozen in the middle.

Well, "cook" might be the wrong word.

The smoke alarm goes off.

[obligatoryass]

Did she eat it, though? That's the really serious question.

"No," Logan says. "No. It's not. It's just not right. And I am not eating that."

Logan looks for oven mitts. "Turn that damned thing off," he says, finding them in the sink. Dry, fortunately. He pulls the smoking turkey out of the oven and says, "This is going on the patio."

[dead_hooker_2]

No. No, she's probably not going to eat it, what with Logan carrying out onto the patio and dumping it uncerimoniously into a flowerbed.

Trina looks in on the asparagus. Which has gone kinda . . . mush like.

Looks like it's Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup for Christmas dinner.

With rolls and rumcake and pinot gris.

[obligatoryass]

No, in fact, it is not soup, rolls, wine and cake, because Logan's phone rings. "Uh-huh," he says. "Definitely. 30 minutes? Yeah, maybe 45, but we'll definitely want it. Thanks."

He hangs up, grins. "So that's taken care of."

[dead_hooker_2]

"What's taken care of?" she asks, instantly suspicious.

[obligatoryass]

"Food," Logan says, very pleased with himself. "Our Christmas dinner, in fact. It's not traditional, but I think Panda Express Chinese will be suitable. I got your favorite."

[dead_hooker_2]

" . . . jackass," she says, without rankor.

"That little faith in my cooking?"

[obligatoryass]

"Trina, I've seen you ruin macaroni and cheese," he says seriously.

Pause.

"The powder kind from the box."

[dead_hooker_2]

"Years ago," she says.

Only two, but that totally counts as years.

"Wine?"

[obligatoryass]

"Definitely," Logan says, holding out his glass.

Once it's filled, he sips it appreciatively. "This, though, you know how to pick."

[dead_hooker_2]

"I do have some talents," she says. "And if there's one thing that goes with the last name Echolls, it's knowing your booze."

[obligatoryass]

"It's not much of a hereditary trait, but I pretty much feel we've got to take what we can get in this family."

Pause.

"So, is it just us, or are we going to have company?"

[dead_hooker_2]

"Chad is stuck at LAX waiting for his grandmother's flight to get in, and Mary will be along later this afternoon. So for the moment, it's just us."