(no subject)
no matter where i go i can't escape. ever since school ended on thursday i've
been out on the prowl. it does me no good. i keep busy& seem to be smiling but
something is missing. i'm not quite sure what it is just yet. i wish daniel was
still alive to let me know or that he would come to me in a dream again. i guess
he can't hear me anymore. my mom is moving us back to los angeles again. either
that or temecula, agua dulce, deep in valencia like san fransquito& bouquet canyon,
or we're going somewhere further. i always hated that i moved into this town and
now i'm getting scared that i won't be going to c.o.c anymore or see any of the
friends i made out here. things are changing so fast without my consent. why am i
so afraid of change when i have nothing of great importance to even be letting go.
from going to art institute of san francisco to nursing school. i really just want
to kill myself because i want to go to art school. i had an orientation in june
and everything. if my mom moves to temecula i'm going to not go to nursing school
and go to art school. i'm almost kind of hoping she moves to temecula. if she does
though i have bigger obstacles than i thought. well, not really. it's just. i don't
know why things have to end just as they were getting good. it's only been four months
of living with my mom since i graduated highschool and it's already going to end.
i just want to sleep and never wake up. i think that has to deal with why i've missed
my morning class for about a month. okay but besides all of that school has been
very good to me. i enjoy everything about it along with my classmates. i even
enjoy all of the wanna- be art students who are pretentious and full of shit. how they
go on talking about their golden days as a highschool student who was "better than
everyone else in art class". oh if only my friends from sfai, otis, calarts, and fidm
could see their "art". i remember one time this "person" in one of my art classes
saw my friends work(mind you she graduated from one of the top art schools and is taking
this class for fun) and you could tell it killed them to say "yeah, it's good". AHAHAHA.
it's even greater because people are always staring at me wanting to see my art work
since i'm part asian. so then i always slam my pad shut and just do it at home. i only
put effort into one of my critiques even then it was still pretty bad compared to what
i can do. pure laziness and there's just really no excuse for it. notice how i said one
of my critiques and i'm in three art classes. oh, this really is the pitts. first i
rejected my acceptance into otis and now i'm doing it again with sfai. maybe i'll just
go once i'm done with nursing. which will be like 2- 3 years.. or maybe my mom will
move far away giving me no choice but to go to sfai. i just want to be in school forever.
and THAT is the honest truth. after meeting everyone i know. i DEFINITELY know there is
no hurry or rush. i wouldn't lose anything but myself if i rush. oh and last night was
decent. me and michael went to hollywood live and then ate at the pantry. and no, not
the club. the strip in front of the staples center. and me& jess are getting our
2- day edc passes next week. i have to study now for my test tomorrow. byebye.
-sloane