And the truth is......
I am scared to death right now.
I'm scared of not being the mother I want to be, of being like my own mother.
I'm scared of this tiny person that I love soooo much already, leaving one day.
I'm scared that she will have a child and say to herself, "I will be so much better than my mother was to me."
I'm scared of life when everything is just perfect. Is this a calm before the storm? Its never ever been this good. There has always been serious disfunction. I have never been in a relationship that was just about real unconditional love day in and day out. I dont know how to live like this. Its almost like some part of me misses all the fucked up bullshit because at least I knew how to function with that. THAT was normal. Its sick, I know.
I do love the way it is completely. I just wish I could show love in a better way. I spent years being closed off and just anti....... How do you just give yourself to someone completely? I thought at I had but I guess not. He wouldnt feel the need to ask me if I still love him if I was doing this right. I wish he knew what he is to me. He is who I prayed for every day for so long. I better not fuck this up.
Whoah, this is what happens when you are a receptionist, you ramble on live journal in your off time. Sorry.
"are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like
so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown"
-Frou Frou- I walked down to isle to this for a reason I suppose
I'm scared of not being the mother I want to be, of being like my own mother.
I'm scared of this tiny person that I love soooo much already, leaving one day.
I'm scared that she will have a child and say to herself, "I will be so much better than my mother was to me."
I'm scared of life when everything is just perfect. Is this a calm before the storm? Its never ever been this good. There has always been serious disfunction. I have never been in a relationship that was just about real unconditional love day in and day out. I dont know how to live like this. Its almost like some part of me misses all the fucked up bullshit because at least I knew how to function with that. THAT was normal. Its sick, I know.
I do love the way it is completely. I just wish I could show love in a better way. I spent years being closed off and just anti....... How do you just give yourself to someone completely? I thought at I had but I guess not. He wouldnt feel the need to ask me if I still love him if I was doing this right. I wish he knew what he is to me. He is who I prayed for every day for so long. I better not fuck this up.
Whoah, this is what happens when you are a receptionist, you ramble on live journal in your off time. Sorry.
"are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like
so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown"
-Frou Frou- I walked down to isle to this for a reason I suppose