unopened letter to the world..

[dead_essence]

Hello World, Are you still there?? I am... I know it's been a while... but I Am here. I've always been here i suppose. even when i thought i'd left, even when i tried to get away, i never got far. I've always been right here. in this little room, hidden behind these big walls, and these little windows, big enough for the light to get in, but not for me to get out. i open the windows to let the air in, to try to let the world in. they used to be big windows, then one day, i was sitting on the sill, teetering the line between inside and the world, when i fell, i caught myself, just in time, and pulled my self back in... who knows who and where i'd be if i hadn't, hell, who knows if i'd be alive... it's a long fall from up here... but i swear to you, right after i pulled myself back in, those windows got so small... i can barely even open them now... i remember... i used to not be able to open them at all... it took years to get them open... i'd look out though them... everything looked the same.. but it was all different... i couldn't get the windows open anymore. it's been a while since i've tried to open them still... i don't know what this is... is this an attempt at opening the window without touching the glass?... without risking falling again...? who knows... ? who cares...? no one. that's ok. i don't care either. i don't even really know what i'm saying anymore, World... Are you still even reading this?? probably not.. I'm not asking you to welcome me back... i don't think i'm coming back... i don't think i've been out of this room since the day i pulled myself back into it... I think i'm just checking in... making sure the sun still rises in the east and turns the clouds pink when it sets... making sure the grass is still green in the summer time, and that rain soaked earth is still the most beautiful smell out there... yeah... that's all... i'm just checking in, and making sure i haven't missed too much while i've been here.
forever yours,
Kirsten.