(no subject)
Last night was Andreas last. Her, celeste and I stayed up until 2 in the morning. Feel asleep together and woke up and hour later to go to the airport.
I didnt cry at all. but her and celeste were balling. I just dont think Im a very good cryer I guess. My emotions are so fucked up I cant tell what to do when. When Im upset, Im hysterical, and I randomly cry. but at all the wrong times. this was the right one, and I didnt.
I came home, empty and confused. I hate starting my days too early. then everything confuses me and I become disoriented and cant distinguish whether I drempt something or if it really happened.
I slept tell noon today, missed an appointment. went to work. worked all day.
....filing, spotting, looking at prints, looking at them again, pressing prints, labeling, listening to fall of troy.
Confusion still is there. Really tired. Leave at 6. Come home.
The relationships you have with the people you live with should be the strongest, 'they should be' being the key phrase. They usually arent though. Even outside of where one lives, you should be able to depend on people you are close to. Sometimes you can, sometimes not.
Censoring things people should be able to talk about is worse that actually talking about it. People are so afriad.
Fear controls this world.
That is why everything, everyone and everywhere is so fucked up.
"...it's sort of like anything you love. something pollutes it, and it really turns on you.try eating a chocolate cake while listening to babies getting strangled. ruins it.you want to be able to enjoy your situation, your work. you don't want the noise pollution, the emotional pollution, the baggage and the stress around you. but eveyone, including you, creates it. you're all stuck in a zoo-like environment, and nobody comes to clean up the cage very often. so you adjust. you learn to ignore it, grapple with it, evade it, solve it, eventually....you take it or leave it...."
I think Im a little too intense of a person sometimes. I obsess easily too I think. the above quote, I found in Amanda Palmer's blog. I liked it and the way she expressed her thought is amazing.
I need to go to sleep tonight.
I didnt cry at all. but her and celeste were balling. I just dont think Im a very good cryer I guess. My emotions are so fucked up I cant tell what to do when. When Im upset, Im hysterical, and I randomly cry. but at all the wrong times. this was the right one, and I didnt.
I came home, empty and confused. I hate starting my days too early. then everything confuses me and I become disoriented and cant distinguish whether I drempt something or if it really happened.
I slept tell noon today, missed an appointment. went to work. worked all day.
....filing, spotting, looking at prints, looking at them again, pressing prints, labeling, listening to fall of troy.
Confusion still is there. Really tired. Leave at 6. Come home.
The relationships you have with the people you live with should be the strongest, 'they should be' being the key phrase. They usually arent though. Even outside of where one lives, you should be able to depend on people you are close to. Sometimes you can, sometimes not.
Censoring things people should be able to talk about is worse that actually talking about it. People are so afriad.
Fear controls this world.
That is why everything, everyone and everywhere is so fucked up.
"...it's sort of like anything you love. something pollutes it, and it really turns on you.try eating a chocolate cake while listening to babies getting strangled. ruins it.you want to be able to enjoy your situation, your work. you don't want the noise pollution, the emotional pollution, the baggage and the stress around you. but eveyone, including you, creates it. you're all stuck in a zoo-like environment, and nobody comes to clean up the cage very often. so you adjust. you learn to ignore it, grapple with it, evade it, solve it, eventually....you take it or leave it...."
I think Im a little too intense of a person sometimes. I obsess easily too I think. the above quote, I found in Amanda Palmer's blog. I liked it and the way she expressed her thought is amazing.
I need to go to sleep tonight.