i kno what its like to bottle up feelings inside,in fear of letting them out,and then to later be judged for them.i do it all the time,everyday.but i just wanted you to kno,as i said yesterday,that you never have to be afraid to tell me anything.you dont have to be afraid to cry,or to bitch,or to vent,i will listen,nd i will not judge,even if its the smallest of things.they bother me too.so its ok,were only human.
i can not necessarily answer the questions you have asked yourself but rather,just comment on them because considering the obvious,of course,i dont know everything in any situation.i've only been in your life for a mere 7 months.and please,just accept that this is all my own opinion.cause i kno what you would say to some of my responses.
from the way you talk about him,im sure you miss your dad.im sure you miss what you had with him,the relationship and the bond.and its quite possible that this wanting to move there is because you want to be by him.people ask me,and have asked over the past couple years,why it is that i care so much about my dad,i talk so highly of him.no matter what had happened i loved him.and i stuck to my truth for all the years.i had no relationship what so ever.but i would have given anything to be with him.and i kno he wasn't the greatest of people,he had many problems,but no matter who says what,that man was my father,my blood,and he loved me.i knew he loved me.and the same goes for you.your dad,no matter what happens he's always going to love you,and you're always going to love him.maybe you dont show it anymore,but this may be you're way of showing you want to show him.and you want things to be better.
as for your mother and sister,im really not quite sure,and at this point i think it better i not say anything cause i kno you're going through a hard time with it.and i know i dont understand everything,cause i dont know what its like.and i dont want to upset you anymore,so i will leaave this as so.
about your step-father,your dad.nothing you did or said ever made him do what he did.it was his own decision.and no,you probably never will understand why he did it.and i feel horrible that you had to go through that.i have since i first started talking to you.and i wish that you would talk about it more with me,because i know it bothers you.considering what you've put on your body,especially.even if i dont have a response,im always here to listen.sometimes its just good to get things off your chest.even if its over and over and over.maybe one day you will understand,and maybe one day you will go visit his grave.and yes it hurts to do that.im having a very hard time realizing my father is gone.to have already had him gone from my life.and then just to think that hes gone.i can't comprehend it.and everytime i go to his grave,and i get this overwhelming feeling that i just cant take because,after all this time,im finally so close to him.he's no more than an armlength away.but he's gone.and it sucks.i dont know what else to say. i know people most likely say that you dont understand, but in your own way you do.and that's better than nothing.i strongly believe in an afterlife.i dont know if you do.but if you do.he knows you love him and he knows what he meant to you.
now,people think we are both crazy. one,who falls in love with someone they meet on the internet? and two,who fall in love with someone they rarely ever seen due to living in to completely different parts of the country? i ponder the thought as well,but i know what my feelings are,and it amazes me that all this has happened.i never thought i'd meet someone online and think all i do about you.about the rest of my life.i used to make fun of my friends who would meet a guy online and then go out with him,though he lived no more than half an hour away.i admitingly will say,i am a hypicrite.but im fucking happy as hell that i am.because if i never did find you,i dont think my life would ever have this much love and this much meaning in it as you have given it. i love you will every beat of my heart and every inch of my body.and even if people don't understand now,and dont think this is true,they'll understand later on when we're happy with a family,and they will look at us and say "wow,they're perfect together."
I love you. I love that you can make me feel a million times better without even saying much. I love that we can sit on the phone and not say a single thing.. but I am smiling just because I know that you are on the other side. I love you.
i can not necessarily answer the questions you have asked yourself but rather,just comment on them because considering the obvious,of course,i dont know everything in any situation.i've only been in your life for a mere 7 months.and please,just accept that this is all my own opinion.cause i kno what you would say to some of my responses.
from the way you talk about him,im sure you miss your dad.im sure you miss what you had with him,the relationship and the bond.and its quite possible that this wanting to move there is because you want to be by him.people ask me,and have asked over the past couple years,why it is that i care so much about my dad,i talk so highly of him.no matter what had happened i loved him.and i stuck to my truth for all the years.i had no relationship what so ever.but i would have given anything to be with him.and i kno he wasn't the greatest of people,he had many problems,but no matter who says what,that man was my father,my blood,and he loved me.i knew he loved me.and the same goes for you.your dad,no matter what happens he's always going to love you,and you're always going to love him.maybe you dont show it anymore,but this may be you're way of showing you want to show him.and you want things to be better.
as for your mother and sister,im really not quite sure,and at this point i think it better i not say anything cause i kno you're going through a hard time with it.and i know i dont understand everything,cause i dont know what its like.and i dont want to upset you anymore,so i will leaave this as so.
about your step-father,your dad.nothing you did or said ever made him do what he did.it was his own decision.and no,you probably never will understand why he did it.and i feel horrible that you had to go through that.i have since i first started talking to you.and i wish that you would talk about it more with me,because i know it bothers you.considering what you've put on your body,especially.even if i dont have a response,im always here to listen.sometimes its just good to get things off your chest.even if its over and over and over.maybe one day you will understand,and maybe one day you will go visit his grave.and yes it hurts to do that.im having a very hard time realizing my father is gone.to have already had him gone from my life.and then just to think that hes gone.i can't comprehend it.and everytime i go to his grave,and i get this overwhelming feeling that i just cant take because,after all this time,im finally so close to him.he's no more than an armlength away.but he's gone.and it sucks.i dont know what else to say.
i know people most likely say that you dont understand, but in your own way you do.and that's better than nothing.i strongly believe in an afterlife.i dont know if you do.but if you do.he knows you love him and he knows what he meant to you.
now,people think we are both crazy.
one,who falls in love with someone they meet on the internet?
and two,who fall in love with someone they rarely ever seen due to living in to completely different parts of the country?
i ponder the thought as well,but i know what my feelings are,and it amazes me that all this has happened.i never thought i'd meet someone online and think all i do about you.about the rest of my life.i used to make fun of my friends who would meet a guy online and then go out with him,though he lived no more than half an hour away.i admitingly will say,i am a hypicrite.but im fucking happy as hell that i am.because if i never did find you,i dont think my life would ever have this much love and this much meaning in it as you have given it.
i love you will every beat of my heart and every inch of my body.and even if people don't understand now,and dont think this is true,they'll understand later on when we're happy with a family,and they will look at us and say "wow,they're perfect together."
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I love that you can make me feel a million times better without even saying much.
I love that we can sit on the phone and not say a single thing.. but I am smiling just because I know that you are on the other side.
I love you.
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