Not ready yet.... again?

Mar 01, 2010 17:09

So I'm in the second semester of my junior year. I've been working part time for the past semester, and it had been manageable for me. I work for my schools computer labs, and all I have to do is send paper around campus to various printers-- which I only need to go on rounds once or twice every two weeks. Most of my time is spent in front of a gigantic iMac screen, doing whatever I like on the computer. But recently, I've been skipping work AND class in huge amounts that really deem inappropriate.
I don't know why I'm doing this. My job is one of the best jobs a college student would want, and I'd bet a bunch of people would die to have my job... but I'm sure not cherishing it as I should. I'm only taking 13 credits this semester, so I have A LOT of time on my hands. But I've missed my Stats class for two weeks now, and just last week, I showed up to work for 3 hours on Tuesday. I didn't show up for work again today :/
I think I'm not ready to hold onto so many responsibilities at once. I thought I could work and focus on my academics. One problem I have is that I need time to myself: time to go online, time to make icons, write fic, play on my PS2 and Xbox 360, or simply just have me time. Although my work does permit me to go online and do pretty much whatever I please at my desk, I lose the sense of privacy and the freedom to squirm in my chair or scream and flail when I see a ZOMG SUPER HOT picture of Hugh Laurie. That's really not an excuse though.
The reason why I even have a job is because I wanted to prove to my parents that I could take care of myself, and I think the message has gotten across. I don't know if anyone on my f-list knows or remembers, but during the fall of '09, I had went against my parents will to not transfer to a better school down in Cali, and instead made the decision to stay at my original, albeit lower ranked school because I felt like I wasn't ready for a big city like California. My parents made it clear that if I were to stay at my original school, they will not support me financially anymore. I think they were trying to scare me into staying in CA, but I told them that no matter what they say or how they threaten me, my decision is final. That's why I now have a part time job.... so I can make money for myself and survive the semester.
On top of everything I'm not doing too well in class either. How could I, when I'm skipping class in the fashion I do?

Me missing both work and class for the past month makes it obvious that I'm not as responsible as I claim to be.

uni, job, fail, rl

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