(no subject)
I've gotten past the cold, emotionless stage, past the yelling and pleading stage, past crying stage, and past the blowing-nose stage, and now I am snuffling and eating mandarins.
Mum won't let me go to Hedwig.
And because I can't go, Flo probably won't get to because her Mum might not be able to buy it over the net and she needs the discounted price.
*starts crying again*
I have done HEAPS of work in the past few days - even if it's not as much as Mum wanted - and I don't see how four hours is that much time off work! So many bloody people (incl. adults of authority) have agreed with me that her thing of denying me things, punishing me, is NOT CONDUSIVE TO MORE WORK. I will just stew, and that four hours will be gone in resentful unproductiveness. I know it's stupid, and not logical, but I can't help it.
*frustrated tears*
And it would be okay if it was just me - that would be okay. She could do that. (There's a 25%-50% chance I might be let out of the house sometime next week to see it, anyway - so I don't really lose out.) - The problem is that Flo won't be able to see it probably. And I had a responsibility to her to buy her ticket. Mum just doesn't understand that I have OBLIGATIONS to people - she can't pull me out of them, it doesn't work like that. When I say that to her, she just says, "I don't care, it's not my problem."
I know she's death tired, I know she's just found out that she has high blood pressure, I know she's not getting enough sleep - but she can't hang up on my friends, she can't DO stuff like this. *cries*
And now I'm supposed to go back to homework - until I go to sleep. How the hell is this supposed to help me work? I'll be wibbling over my maths. Mum is so IRRATIONAL! I can't stand this, I HATE it at the shop. It makes me feel awful - there are no windows. It's the FUCKING HOLIDAYS!
Edit: Flo just called, she has tickets. *relief*
And 25-50% ? I think I was over generous. I think it's more like 10%.
Edit: I'm a bitch. Mum works so hard, just wants the best for me, it's true. And when I don't get all of my work done, it hurts her. Physically, too - it means that I end up staying up late and the kids don't get to sleep and she doesn't get enough work done and it's all rather awful.
I do think that rewarding is more sensible than punishing, though.
I'll try to work harder.
*distressed*
Edit a few hours later: I feel blank.
God, that's such a teenage-angst phrase: "I feel NOTHING, NOTHING I TELL YOU!"
*small, vague smile*
*sigh*