Using this more often
I haven't been using this very often. However, I see how it can be a useful tool in introspection. There is something nice about keeping track of thoughts & feelings associated with a particular period of time. There is also something nice about having people from the outside looking in & making observations as they see fit.
As of late, there has been a lot on my mind, mainly that I have been slacking off in my practice of persistent growth. I have gotten really lazy and comfortable in my thinking & feeling. I haven't been living very consiously and therefore haven't been very observant of either where I am or where I want to be. I am not too proud of that.
I want to get back to setting goals and going for them. As much as I hate to say it, I think being in a life partnered relationship has contributed to my laziness. It's easy to NOT do things when there is someone else to do them or something else to blame for not doing them. (i.e. I can't go to the gym because my husband doesn't want me to spend the money. This, by the way, is not an example taken from reality, but I hope you see my point.) There is so much more that I could/should/would be doing if I were alone, so why aren't I doing those things as a paired person? It's funny how easy it is to disempower ourselves when we think we are on cruise control.
It's important to point out that Luke is doing nothing wrong. If I want to do something, he supports it. I recently started skating again, in addition to Cun Tao, in addition to soccer. His only response really was "you're going to be busy", which is a very realistic observation. He's otherwise fairly hands off. Specifics aside, my point is that I should want something just as much married as I would if I were single. My current lethargia is my own.
So in the spirit of getting where I want to be, I'll start by identifying it:
- I want to be a better partner by pulling my weight around the house consistently.
- I want to be a better business woman by being financially proactive with our business.
- I want to be a better landlord by being responsive to my tenants and setting deadlines to get stuff done.
- I want to be a better listen by not listening for what's wrong, but simply listening.
- I want to put people at ease and not have them feel that I am critical of their every word.
- I want to be less egocentric & self-centered.
- I want to give more. I want to selflessly, altruistically give to others.
- I want to be kinder to my body by listening to it.
- I want to not ignore all the bad things I feel about myself.
- I want to not ignore all the good things that I bring to others.
- I want those who I love to know how much I love them, that I am there for them, and that they mean the world to be. I need to get better at expressing that.
That is quite the wish list! This is going to take time and a lot of effort, but I can be a better person. I can be more consistent. I simply have to stop being lazy, making excuses, and fearing failure.
As of late, there has been a lot on my mind, mainly that I have been slacking off in my practice of persistent growth. I have gotten really lazy and comfortable in my thinking & feeling. I haven't been living very consiously and therefore haven't been very observant of either where I am or where I want to be. I am not too proud of that.
I want to get back to setting goals and going for them. As much as I hate to say it, I think being in a life partnered relationship has contributed to my laziness. It's easy to NOT do things when there is someone else to do them or something else to blame for not doing them. (i.e. I can't go to the gym because my husband doesn't want me to spend the money. This, by the way, is not an example taken from reality, but I hope you see my point.) There is so much more that I could/should/would be doing if I were alone, so why aren't I doing those things as a paired person? It's funny how easy it is to disempower ourselves when we think we are on cruise control.
It's important to point out that Luke is doing nothing wrong. If I want to do something, he supports it. I recently started skating again, in addition to Cun Tao, in addition to soccer. His only response really was "you're going to be busy", which is a very realistic observation. He's otherwise fairly hands off. Specifics aside, my point is that I should want something just as much married as I would if I were single. My current lethargia is my own.
So in the spirit of getting where I want to be, I'll start by identifying it:
- I want to be a better partner by pulling my weight around the house consistently.
- I want to be a better business woman by being financially proactive with our business.
- I want to be a better landlord by being responsive to my tenants and setting deadlines to get stuff done.
- I want to be a better listen by not listening for what's wrong, but simply listening.
- I want to put people at ease and not have them feel that I am critical of their every word.
- I want to be less egocentric & self-centered.
- I want to give more. I want to selflessly, altruistically give to others.
- I want to be kinder to my body by listening to it.
- I want to not ignore all the bad things I feel about myself.
- I want to not ignore all the good things that I bring to others.
- I want those who I love to know how much I love them, that I am there for them, and that they mean the world to be. I need to get better at expressing that.
That is quite the wish list! This is going to take time and a lot of effort, but I can be a better person. I can be more consistent. I simply have to stop being lazy, making excuses, and fearing failure.