Postmodern wedding: an intellectual approach toward an emotional day
Lately I have been fretting the small stuff about the wedding. How are the tea lights going to look with the stage lighting? Are the screen printed banners going to match the center pieces? How is the graffiti in the bathroom going to impact my more conservative guests? It sent me into a bit of a panic. I was having a difficult time aligning the divergent flavors of the things that I want and the things that Luke wants. Then finally it hit me. I was posed with the task of making two entirely opposite tones blend together in a way that looks intentional. I have to mix classy and trashy and pull it off aesthetically well. Im-fucking-possible.
As I was not coming up with answers on my own, I turned to the offbeat bride tribe for advice. I explained that there are currently very class and very trashy plans in the works for the wedding, and that I am anxious that it isn’t going to look at all good. After spilling some of the details (which I won’t share with you because it’s going to be a surprise), someone commented that the juxtaposition was remarkably ironic. She then suggested that, given the completely contrasting wedding ideologies, we should exaggerate each one to the point that they become complimentary. Therefore, tacky and classy are no longer parallel focal points. Instead, they are intersecting, therefore making their dissonance the center of attention. The theme, then, is less about trashy vs. classy but is singularly spotlighting irony itself.
This tickled me pink. If there is any one philosophical ideology that both Luke and I subscribe to, it’s postmodernism. Our relationship was founded upon breaking social norms and questioning the truths established by greater society about the way relationships work. Granted, we found that the norm worked best for us, but the fact remains that we became a “normal”, monogamous couple under abnormal circumstances. So very ironic!
We love irony, embrace hypocrisy, and are seeking to become content with our human condition. We realize that we will never be perfect, nor will the other. We realize that relationships aren’t always bliss, that there will always be highs and lows, and that things will be ever changing and inconsistent. So perhaps you can see how the aesthetic juxtaposition is quite symbolic of a greater theme in our relationship. It is ironic, just as postmodernism is ironic and contradictory. And we are content with that.
Though we are the poster children for a postmodern marriage, the theme just keeps working beyond philosophy and ideology. I wanted a frou frou faerie princess day and for Luke to play prince charming. Luke didn’t want a wedding at all. He’d rather sign a paper at the courthouse and go have a beer. We compromised on having a small-ish-type wedding that would be fairly laid back, mostly party-like. I could agree to that because the other option was no wedding at all. However, this didn’t really satisfy 5 year old Maria in her poofy dress and scepter. On the other hand, 5 year old Maria didn’t want to scare 9 year old Luke away. And 9 year old Luke really doesn’t like faerie tales. Thus 24 (and a half) Maria began fretting about the details.
This classy-and-trashy-at-full-throttle solution allows for us to both get what we want without having to really give up anything. Instead of trying to limit how much fancy or unfancy would be present, we’re allowing for all the fancy and unfancy that our little hearts desire. We’re still at a trashy bar. We’re still serving cheap beer. It will still be smokey in there. There will still be a rock show, complete with dance party. On the other hand, there will be flowers and decorations and favors and all the classy, traditional little details that I so desperately cling to.
Moreover, our guests, who will be a blend of pomo-mofos and old-school baby boomers, also get to enjoy the best of these worlds. My super Catholic Mexican family can enjoy the more formal affair while our younger, thick rimmed glasses wearing, party going, craft nerdy, “I’m not hip” hipster friends will appreciate the trashy side of things. So not only are Luke and I pleased, but our guests are pleased as well.
In sum, I am pretty impressed with us. We have not only managed to find an implicit theme in our wedding that is largely indicative of our understanding of our relationship, we also managed to kill four other birds with one postmodern stone. I’m happy to get what I want, he’s happy to get what he wants, and our guests, hip and Hispanic alike, all get to revel in the comfort of either the chic or cheap (and for some those that catch on, the intersection of both). Everyone wins.
As I was not coming up with answers on my own, I turned to the offbeat bride tribe for advice. I explained that there are currently very class and very trashy plans in the works for the wedding, and that I am anxious that it isn’t going to look at all good. After spilling some of the details (which I won’t share with you because it’s going to be a surprise), someone commented that the juxtaposition was remarkably ironic. She then suggested that, given the completely contrasting wedding ideologies, we should exaggerate each one to the point that they become complimentary. Therefore, tacky and classy are no longer parallel focal points. Instead, they are intersecting, therefore making their dissonance the center of attention. The theme, then, is less about trashy vs. classy but is singularly spotlighting irony itself.
This tickled me pink. If there is any one philosophical ideology that both Luke and I subscribe to, it’s postmodernism. Our relationship was founded upon breaking social norms and questioning the truths established by greater society about the way relationships work. Granted, we found that the norm worked best for us, but the fact remains that we became a “normal”, monogamous couple under abnormal circumstances. So very ironic!
We love irony, embrace hypocrisy, and are seeking to become content with our human condition. We realize that we will never be perfect, nor will the other. We realize that relationships aren’t always bliss, that there will always be highs and lows, and that things will be ever changing and inconsistent. So perhaps you can see how the aesthetic juxtaposition is quite symbolic of a greater theme in our relationship. It is ironic, just as postmodernism is ironic and contradictory. And we are content with that.
Though we are the poster children for a postmodern marriage, the theme just keeps working beyond philosophy and ideology. I wanted a frou frou faerie princess day and for Luke to play prince charming. Luke didn’t want a wedding at all. He’d rather sign a paper at the courthouse and go have a beer. We compromised on having a small-ish-type wedding that would be fairly laid back, mostly party-like. I could agree to that because the other option was no wedding at all. However, this didn’t really satisfy 5 year old Maria in her poofy dress and scepter. On the other hand, 5 year old Maria didn’t want to scare 9 year old Luke away. And 9 year old Luke really doesn’t like faerie tales. Thus 24 (and a half) Maria began fretting about the details.
This classy-and-trashy-at-full-throttle solution allows for us to both get what we want without having to really give up anything. Instead of trying to limit how much fancy or unfancy would be present, we’re allowing for all the fancy and unfancy that our little hearts desire. We’re still at a trashy bar. We’re still serving cheap beer. It will still be smokey in there. There will still be a rock show, complete with dance party. On the other hand, there will be flowers and decorations and favors and all the classy, traditional little details that I so desperately cling to.
Moreover, our guests, who will be a blend of pomo-mofos and old-school baby boomers, also get to enjoy the best of these worlds. My super Catholic Mexican family can enjoy the more formal affair while our younger, thick rimmed glasses wearing, party going, craft nerdy, “I’m not hip” hipster friends will appreciate the trashy side of things. So not only are Luke and I pleased, but our guests are pleased as well.
In sum, I am pretty impressed with us. We have not only managed to find an implicit theme in our wedding that is largely indicative of our understanding of our relationship, we also managed to kill four other birds with one postmodern stone. I’m happy to get what I want, he’s happy to get what he wants, and our guests, hip and Hispanic alike, all get to revel in the comfort of either the chic or cheap (and for some those that catch on, the intersection of both). Everyone wins.