[exo] Chanyeol said, “Let there be light”, and along came Baekhyun.
Chanyeol wanted light and Baekhyun flickered it on for him.
It was the day of recovery and Chanyeol asked that the sunrise be the first thing he saw. And so they left him on a bench by the river bank, telling him they will come back in an hour. He opened his eyes for the first time and gasped. He was blinded by brightness. He was warned about it, and so he tried to breathe normally. Breath by breath, fragments of a scenery, he recognized, unfolded in front of him. He saw leaves and trees and water. His vision cleared and he looked around, the sky was an uneven color, a gradient of orange and red from the sun still trying to climb up above the trees.
His dreams were true. It was true! He dreamt in complete color!
He gazed at the beautiful gradient. He then reminisced about his father telling him that the sun was the most beautiful thing. Chanyeol always laughed because he never really understood.
“It is what gives us light,” his father told him, “it is what shows us all the beautiful colors of trees, animals, flowers, and people. It is an amazing thing that the sun exists. Plus,” his father clucked his tongue, “it’s what gives us vitamin D!” the old man laughed. Chanyeol only lifted his hand at that time and only felt what his father was talking about. He never saw the colors it brought.
Chanyeol sighed on the bench and watched as the sky changed color and the color of everything around him changed as well. It was pleasant to the eyes. Soon the brightness felt gentle and the scenery of trees and the river was pretty. But he saw it all in his dreams as he grew up. It was almost like nothing was new. Except for everything being seen and tangible. In his dream, all was seen but not tangible, in real life, all was tangible, never seen.
The fingers of the sun started to peak up on the tree tops and Chanyeol was excited to prove that the sun can do so much more than just show him what he’s seen in his dreams already. He wanted light. He wanted the real effect of the sun. He wanted to be amazed, the way his father was.
The tops of the trees did get emphasis on their color as the sun climbed higher. The sparkles on the water more apparent, and the birds chirping, flying above sounded more lively.
But still, Chanyeol was not amazed.
I saw this in my dreams.
He felt someone sit on the bench with him then, sighing in contentment, he recognized from 19 years of strength in all senses but sight.
A person? He never saw a person before. His nurses left right after taking off his bandage on his eyes. No one really passed by in front of him, or he never really paid attention. A second later though, Chanyeol looked at the sun slowly but visibly rising.
“Let there be Light,” he said and the person beside him chuckled. He had to turn his head.
His heart thumped and his ears grew warm. He sucked in a breath and looked back at the river. He tried to breathe slowly again. He tried looking around.
And he was amazed.
The tree leaves glowed a brilliant emerald as the morning dew dropped gently on the ground. The birds chirped softly and flew gracefully on the sky. The sky a gradient of blue and white, the middle soft and pure looking. He breathed in deeper and his heart still pounded.
“It’s a very good morning, isn’t it?” the other man said and turned to look at Chanyeol. He was even more amazed.
Never had he seen of such beauty. The soft eyes, the gentle smile, the smooth voice…
Chanyeol was speechless despite the question asked to him. The man laughed again, his eyes turning into half moons as they sparkled like the water. The smooth resonance that his laugh created around them was a melody that Chanyeol has recorded in his head.
“Yeah….” he finally answered, “it sure is,” he looked back at the sun and realized his father was right, the sun was, after all, the most beautiful thing--next to the man beside Chanyeol.
“I’m Baekhyun by the way,” the man extended his hand and Chanyeol extended his, almost hitting Baekhyun.
“Chanyeol,” he said and smiled as they shook hands once. Baekhyun turned away after, coughing.
“Sorry Chanyeol, but I think I have to go back inside,” Baekhyun told him and he nodded yes before the other man stood to leave.
They were wearing the same type of gown. Chanyeol smiled. Baekhyun was on his road to recovery as well.
--
Early mornings during sunrise, Baekhyun and Chanyeol often met at that bench. They talked about their struggles as they grew up, Chanyeol with his eyes and Baekhyun with his thin blood.
On that bench they laughed and almost cried. Sometimes, when they were tired, Chanyeol would let Baekhyun lean on his shoulder and they would nap together.
One morning, Baekhyun started bringing breakfast that he made himself somehow.
“What are your goals in life?” Baekhyun suddenly asked Chanyeol one morning.
“Mmm….for some crazy reason I always wanted to be a pilot….or something. As long as i get to travel around the world and see everything before I die,” Chanyeol said with a smile.
Baekhyun coughed again for the umpteenth time that morning. He excused himself to leave shortly after that.
--
The next morning, Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows at Baekhyun’s arms. There were bruises.
“W--what happened to you?” Chanyeol asked and Baekhyun only smiled. But it was a weak smile.
“It’s nothing, seriously Chanyeol,” Baekhyun insisted.
He looks pale….too pale.
He wanted to know, but he did not want to push it, though. He’ll let Baekhyun share when he wanted to. But it’s okay if he didn’t.
Chanyeol sighed.
“So….what are your interests?” He asked and Baekhyun turned away to cough. A handkerchief he held covered his mouth and Baekhyun pulled it away just when Chanyeol looked. Baekhyun immediately hid the cloth. But it was too late. Chanyeol saw it.
His eyes grew wide and Baekhyun chuckled.
“I have Leukemia,” Baekhyun told him coolly.
“But…you’re recovering, right? That’s why we have the same gowns? Right?” Chanyeol’s voice weakened towards the end.
“Yeah….I’m trying to survive…one day at a time,” Baekhyun smiled at Chanyeol with soft eyes.
Chanyeol’s hands trembled but he still pulled Baekhyun closer to him and held him there.
“My father said the sun was the most beautiful thing,” Chanyeol was telling Baekhyun who leaned his head on his shoulder, “but I think he’s wrong….I think….you are the most beautiful thing,” Chanyeol felt a smile on his own lips when he said that, a little fluttering in his stomach and a skipping of his heart. He was aware of what he felt for the smaller man. He never felt it before, but people told him of the feeling, and it made him laugh. It made him happy……and….he kinda did not want it to end.
“You’re silly,” Baekhyun said and pecked Chanyeol’s cheek.
--
The next morning, Chanyeol was the one who brought breakfast. He went early to surprise Baekhyun. He sat there in wait and watched the familiar scenery unfold before him. He was already sick of his room in the hospital and he was due to be discharged in two days since his therapy for walking was almost over. He was improving fast.
He sat on the bench and waited still, the orange of the skies a bit dull that morning. He sat still and waited some more. He looked around as he did so.
But the sun has risen and there was no Baekhyun.
--
With a heavy heart, Chanyeol slowly made his way to the bench again the next morning. This time, Baekhyun was there waiting, an IV on his right hand and his gaze far away. Chanyeol huffed out a shaky breath before coming to earshot.
“Hey cutie,” he said out and cleared his throat, looking out onto the river and humming in his low voice.
Baekhyun looked up at him and smiled as brightly as he could….even with his face pale and his lips colorless. He coughed. Chanyeol pretended he didn’t notice.
“Chanyeol-ah,” Baekhyun’s voice sounded weak and strained.
“What’s up, beautiful?” he said and winked. Baekhyun only laughed.
Honestly, Chanyeol was hella nervous and worried. He wanted to know why Baekhyun was not there the day before. Why Baekhyun had an IV and why was he so pale?
But Chanyeol kept his mouth shut. His thoughts were only for himself. His curiosity were not supposed to be entertained. He hasn’t known the man for long. He was not yet in the place to ask him all those questions.
Baekhyun coughed again, this time harsher. Chanyeol cringed inside.
“Is….is recovery doing okay?” Baekhyun asked.
“Yeah…it’s going pretty well…I get discharged in two days,” He said and tried to smile.
“That’s good….this….thing,” Baekhyun said, referring to his IV, “is due to come off in two days, too,” Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol and smiled.
Chanyeol felt his eyebrows relax, he didn’t even realize they were furrowed, and smiled.
“That’s…that’s great,” he said in relief.
“I’m…excited--” Baekhyun exclaimed but a series of coughs forced themselves out of his lungs.
“Whoa, calm down!” Chanyeol laughed.
“Sorry, I get a little too excited and it’s not good for me…but to know I get to escape this place, to leave and have it all end is….just really…something,” Chanyeol heard a choke on Baekhyun’s voice on the last word, “But anyway,” the smaller man said, sniffling and looking at Chanyeol with a quivery smile, “I have to go…tomorrow will be my last morning…will you be here?”
“Yes, yeah! Most definitely,” Chanyeol said and Baekhyun smiled as brightly as he could. He got up and a nurse from behind him came to help him up on his feet and back into the hospital.
Chanyeol’s heart was in overdrive. It was pounding hard against his chest and he knew his ribs were getting damaged.
--
“This is my last morning….” Baekhyun told Chanyeol as they sat on the bench, Chanyeol’s arm around the smaller man. He turned his head to kiss the top of Baekhyun’s head.
“Can’t you come meet me one last time before you go tomorrow?” Chanyeol rested his cheek on Baekhyun’s head and Baekhyun chuckled, scooting closer to Chanyeol’s side.
“I’ll try,” Baekhyun looked up at him and smiled brightly.
But Chanyeol was no fool. He saw the dark circles, he saw the weight loss. He saw the pale skin and the colorless lips….he saw the pain, he saw the suffering.
His heart felt a bit of pain at the sight of Baekhyun. It almost made him hate himself for pushing through with the surgery. Because if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t be seeing this…he wouldn’t be seeing the deterioration of the one person that he completely cared about after a short period of time. He did not have to see the pain in Baekhyun’s eyes. He…..did not have to watch as Baekhyun suffered…
He shook the thought away, though. Because if he were still blind…then he wouldn’t be able to meet Baekhyun, he wouldn’t be able to feel the way he felt.
“Chanyeol?” Baekhyun said weakly.
“Yes, love?” Those words rolled off Chanyeol’s tongue without his permission. Baekhyun giggled, though.
“I want you to be happy. I want you to see what you want to see and explore the world with your eyes with an open mind and….heart. After today, you have to be free…you have to go and live life and see the beautiful things the world has to offer. Most importantly, you have to find who your heart belongs to. You have to find it’s home. Only then can you be truly happy, Chanyeol-ah,” Baekhyun looked up at Chanyeol, pulling himself away from the taller man’s shoulder.
Without thinking again, Chanyeol dipped his head down and pressed his lips to Baekhyun’s. After a minute, Baekhyun let their kisses deepen. The butterflies fluttered and the birds chirped, the sun’s fingers touched everything in sight. The breeze blew gently and the smell of fresh water tingled in their noses.
Out of breath, they broke the kiss and pulled away. Flushed cheeks deepened and plumped lips were trapped by their top teeth as they looked away in embarrassment.
Chanyeol took him back into the circle of his arm as he held him close until he had to go back inside.
--
It was the day of his discharge. He was to leave at noon.
He sat on the bench that he was always looking forward to sit on and breathed deeply. He waited for Baekhyun. Just to say a last good bye or exchange numbers, or e-mails maybe. Chanyeol can learn how to read. He can make an e-mail address.
He looked over at the water and the tree tops, the sun just barely peaking out. It was almost time for him to go back inside again. He didn’t want to, Baekhyun still wasn’t there. He closed his eyes.
He was once again engulfed in darkness. His senses sharpened again, the way they did when he was still sightless. He wanted to hear, feel, smell everything around him. He breathed in deep.
He did not smell fresh air, he did not hear the gentle waves of the water, he did not feel the breeze…..he saw Baekhyun. He smelled the soft baby-like scent that the other man always smelled like. He heard Baekhyun’s words.
”Yeah…. I’m trying to survive…. one day at a time.”
His heart felt lost.
It’s only been a week but Chanyeol got up and willed his legs and feet to sprint inside the hospital.
Finding Baekhyun’s room wasn’t hard, the nurse at the reception desk was not hard to talk to. Spotting his name on a door ahead, Chanyeol met a bed being rolled off, the body on it covered with a white sheet. He shook his head.
That isn’t him. Impossible.
He rushed to the room to find it empty. He cursed and rushed back to the nurse.
“Has this patient been discharged? Baekhyun? Byun Baekhyun, has he been discharged?” he frantically asked the nurse who looked up at him with wide eyes.
“Are….are you related?” the nurse asked coolly.
“No, but he’s a friend, I….” Chanyeol stopped when he saw the nurse look him over with his gown on.
“I’m sorry, I’m afraid I am not allowed to disclose any information about the patient. His family has asked for that favor. I’m sorry,” the nurse said and turned to answer the ringing phone.
Chanyeol’s heart felt heavy in his chest. He needed to know how Baekhyun is, if he got out, if he’s out of his cancer and will be living a good life. But the bed rolling off bothered him. Although it was a horrible thought….what if it was Baekhyun? That thought will forever weigh in his mind. He was walking back towards the bench when a black car passed by him and a woman inside was weeping, a picture frame in her arms. Chanyeol strained to look, as invasive as it was.
It was a picture of a beautiful boy with a smile on his face. A picture of Baekhyun.
Chanyeol’s knees weakened, a sob came from his chest and for the first time in his life, he felt pain in his heart. It was nothing like how people explained it to be. There were no daggers, no needles, nothing squeezing it for it to hurt….there was just…*****pain.
Before another sob escaped him, Chanyeol breathed in as deep as he could.
“I’ll live and love and be happy. I will. I can. I’ll have an open mind and heart. I will,” Chanyeol breathed in again and left, giving the bench one last glance.
--
Two years have passed. Chanyeol was still caught up with the thought of Baekhyun. It was only a week in his life had he felt something like Baekhyun made him feel. It was a beautiful feeling and he was glad he remembered how it still felt like to be in love. But Baekhyun wanted him to love and live and be happy. He has been. He teaches blind children and rides a helicopter now and again to go around and look at South Korea in a different perspective. He learned to enjoy the things that he hadn’t thought of, like bungee jumping or sky diving, even. He’s done so many things, he made himself happy.
He found another bench, it was by a river close to his condominium building. It was overlooking a serene view. It was almost as beautiful as the one in the hospital.
He sat on that bench one afternoon. He sat there for awhile until twilight came and the sun began to set. Chanyeol watched as the colors transitioned from orange to red, the fingers of the sun tucking themselves inside the treetops, the shimmery waters of the river settling down as well.
He was looking at the beautiful scene when a sudden snap of a camera clicked beside him. He looked beside him and looked away quickly.
His heart thumped in his chest and he swore it broke his ribcage.
I swear I’ve felt this before.
Baekhyun was the only one in mind as he looked back at the man beside him. He was….beautiful.
He had black hair long enough to tie up. His features were oddly perfect. His side profile was one that should be jn a magazine instead of him sitting there with a professional camera in his hands, freezing time. The camera turned to his face and a snap was heard.
He blinked, a sudden bright blindness overwhelmed his sight before it cleared to the same beautiful man. This time the man was smiling at him. He looked absolutely perfect like that. Chanyeol couldn’t help but smile, but felt his cheeks flush.
“It’s a very good evening, isn’t it??” the man stated cheerfully.
Chanyeol’s heart beat fast. It’s been awhile since it did that. He smiled back.
“Yeah…..” he felt a wave of Deja vu, “it sure is…” but he knows exactly when, where and with whom it happened.
“My name’s Kris by the way,” the other man extended a hand.
Chanyeol looked at it for a second.
”I want you to be happy…….Most importantly, you have to find who your heart belongs to. You have to find it’s home.”
He felt a wave of grief. But he stopped himself from tearing up. He was going to be happy. He was going to live as Baekhyun asked him to. For Baekhyun, for himself.
He smiled up at the man and took his hand in his, “Chanyeol.”
They sat there until long before the sun set. They talked about everything. Chanyeol found out that Kris was a cancer survivor, his doctor found a donor match at the last minute. Chanyeol also found out that he was a freelance photographer and linguist. He was Chinese and not Korean, but his Korean was perfect.
They started meeting at the bench for the next two weeks when Kris told him that he lived near by.
“You should come over, I’ll cook you dinner,” Kris invited, smiling and beckoning Chanyeol to go.
He is so much like Baekhyun.
--
They ate in laughter and chatter. They shared interests they found similar. They talked about society and the environment.
Clatter of dishes were heard later as they fixed the kitchen. They somehow ended up sitting on Kris’ living room couch. Kris’ arm was around Chanyeol and a movie was playing. Neither one really knows what movie it was.
“Kris?” Chanyeol started and out it flowed. His eyes, his heart, his…….Baekhyun. Kris listened intently.
“That’s an amazing story,” Kris said, his thumb rubbing gently on Chanyeol’s shoulder.
Chanyeol sniffled a little bit, keeping his tears from falling.
“You’re okay now though, right?” Kris asked seriously.
“Yeah,” Chanyeol said quietly.
“Can…Can I…uhm….can I give it a shot for your heart?” Kris asked suddenly.
Chanyeol was taken aback, but he knew that Kris did not have to ask.
“Of course,” he said and slowly, Kris pressed their lips together and for the first time in a long time, Chanyeol’s heart settled, it felt like it found itself again