Apr 02, 2008 20:17
I'm so god damn tired of life at the moment. I hate where I live, I hate every job I have a chance with, the jobs I want I can't get, I'm pretty much broke, I still have no car, I'm lonely, I have girl problems, I'm just a fucking wreck and I don't feel like I'll pull myself out of it this time. I'm thinking seriously about going back to Tilt in Jacksonville just because I know I can and it's good money for what I have to do. I just really don't want to live in Jacksonville again or really work for Tilt. I'd be settling for something I don't want. I feel my dreams slipping farther away everyday and I see myself being nothing later in life instead of the awesome person I know I can be. I'm just getting beat down so much and without a real family to fall back on like so many 23-24 years olds have being doing in my generation it's even harder. I don't have mommy and daddy to go back home to and get back back on my feet. It sucks and I predict I'll be homeless again within a month if something really great doesn't happen soon and I mean really soon. I have about $150 to my name. That's it. And I can't find a fucking job that I won't want to shoot my brains out of my head after working there for a week. I'm sure people are going to read this and say, "Well, sometimes you have to do things you don't like to get ahead." Well I say fuck you because I've been doing that since I was 16 and I'm never truly happy. Now with the economy going to hell no one wants to take a chance on someone with a history like mine. It makes me want to go live under a bridge and forget all the things I like to do and all the people I love and care about. I guess caring for the people you love and care about isn't enough to get you anywhere. I don't know who I pissed off or what bad karma I have created, but I'm feeling it more then I ever have and I really want to stop existing. This stress and aggravation aren't worth it anymore.
I'm almost done with it all.
Fuck this bullshit.