And now...a more apt parody.
I am happy to join you today in what will go down in history as the greatest exhibition of joy in the history of Irvine High School.
Four hours and 120 minutes ago*, an AP student, whose words you read now, finished bubbling in the last answer on the last test she will take this year**. This momentous action came as a great beacon of light to more carefree times, signaling the end of the injustice of having four hour long tests at 7:30 in the morning. It came as a joyous daybreak to the end the long nights of excessive studying, foreshadowing the imminent senior year, marked for rest and relaxation.
But six hours later, the Student still is not free. Six hours later, the Student is still sadly crippled by the towers of projects and chains of studiousness. Six hours later, the Student lives on an island of work in the midst of a vast ocean of vacation. And so we juniors have come here today to protest this injustice, to cast down our books and proclaim our right to a vacation.
We refuse to believe that six weeks left of school is an excuse for teachers to continue to bombard us with assignments. We refuse to believe that two weeks of nonstop testing is no excuse for a break. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of relaxation and the comfort of one night without homework.
There are those who are asking the devotees of post-AP rest, "When will you be satisifed?" We can never be satisfied as long as there are ghastly lines under our eyes to showcase our sleep deprivation. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of studiousness, cannot gain the right to take afterschool naps without harming our grades. No, no! We are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until teachers allow us to have but one full night of sleep.
I have a dream that one day, students will not be zombies walking around the halls of their schools, strained from the all-nighters they must pull to keep a decent GPA.
I have a dream that one day, our children will not be forced to cram, that they may actually retain some of the information they must stuff inside their craniums.
I have a dream that AP students will be able to walk hand-in-hand without stumbling from the heavy load of their backpacks or falling from the fatigue.
I have a dream today!
And so let freedom ring from the halls of AP Chemistry, where students know that Avogadro's number will no longer haunt them in their sleep.
Let freedom ring from the once-dreaded AP U.S. classroom, where students know they no longer need to recall the presidencies from Washington to Reagan.
But not only that:
Let freedom ring when students cast aside their pens in AP English, knowing that they will never have to face the pains of hand cramps from writing essays for two hours straight.
From every classrom, in every city, in every state, in every country, let freedom ring!
And when this happens, when our junior years will finally be over, let all the students from AP Biology and AP Chemistry, from AP Music Theory and AP Art History, from AP U.S. History to AP Literature, be able to join hands and sing the words of the old Honors spiritual:
(And now, stated at a more accurate time...)
"Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"
***
I believe that was the first parody I've done. Smashing good fun, I dare say; I shall have to do it more often. In other news, I believe my antibodies are too weak to fight Senioritis. Soon the cancerous apathy shall spread. Ah, the bliss of apathy. Sweet, sweet apathy.
U.S. Final, Part I-- Multiple choice, not too bad; essay, absolutely horrible.
U.S. Final, Part II-- DBQ, facile; essay, absolutely horrible.
AP English- DAHAHA FREAKING EASY. TWO OPEN-ENDED'S, AND AN ANALYSIS ON THE ONION. I am the luckiest test-taker in the freakin' world.
STAR Testing, Part I-- Might as well attack the Sierra National Forest with a flamethrower. Standardized tests are the biggest waste of money/time/energy ever.
STAR Testing, Part II-- What I said.
AP U.S.-- DAHAHAHA. Once again, I am the luckiest test-taker EVER. Essay choices/DBQ could not have been better chosen to fit what little I know :D
SAT II, U.S. History-- DAHAHAHA.
SAT II, Chemistry-- AHAHAHAA.
SAT II, Math IIC-- Pain. A really big pain.
Calculus Unit Test-- I'm still recovering from the pain of such an intensive two-hour long test.
AP Chemistry-- DAHAHAHA. I love how these tests avoid topics I don't know!
So there you have it. Hufsa is the luckiest person in the world when it comes to tests, so if you want an easy AP, take it the same year as Hufsa; although for some people, my good luck has been their bane. Oops?
*Yes, I am well aware of what I just typed.
**I am well aware that it is not the last test--but if you remind me, I will feel obliged to hurt you.
Four hours and 120 minutes ago*, an AP student, whose words you read now, finished bubbling in the last answer on the last test she will take this year**. This momentous action came as a great beacon of light to more carefree times, signaling the end of the injustice of having four hour long tests at 7:30 in the morning. It came as a joyous daybreak to the end the long nights of excessive studying, foreshadowing the imminent senior year, marked for rest and relaxation.
But six hours later, the Student still is not free. Six hours later, the Student is still sadly crippled by the towers of projects and chains of studiousness. Six hours later, the Student lives on an island of work in the midst of a vast ocean of vacation. And so we juniors have come here today to protest this injustice, to cast down our books and proclaim our right to a vacation.
We refuse to believe that six weeks left of school is an excuse for teachers to continue to bombard us with assignments. We refuse to believe that two weeks of nonstop testing is no excuse for a break. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of relaxation and the comfort of one night without homework.
There are those who are asking the devotees of post-AP rest, "When will you be satisifed?" We can never be satisfied as long as there are ghastly lines under our eyes to showcase our sleep deprivation. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of studiousness, cannot gain the right to take afterschool naps without harming our grades. No, no! We are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until teachers allow us to have but one full night of sleep.
I have a dream that one day, students will not be zombies walking around the halls of their schools, strained from the all-nighters they must pull to keep a decent GPA.
I have a dream that one day, our children will not be forced to cram, that they may actually retain some of the information they must stuff inside their craniums.
I have a dream that AP students will be able to walk hand-in-hand without stumbling from the heavy load of their backpacks or falling from the fatigue.
I have a dream today!
And so let freedom ring from the halls of AP Chemistry, where students know that Avogadro's number will no longer haunt them in their sleep.
Let freedom ring from the once-dreaded AP U.S. classroom, where students know they no longer need to recall the presidencies from Washington to Reagan.
But not only that:
Let freedom ring when students cast aside their pens in AP English, knowing that they will never have to face the pains of hand cramps from writing essays for two hours straight.
From every classrom, in every city, in every state, in every country, let freedom ring!
And when this happens, when our junior years will finally be over, let all the students from AP Biology and AP Chemistry, from AP Music Theory and AP Art History, from AP U.S. History to AP Literature, be able to join hands and sing the words of the old Honors spiritual:
(And now, stated at a more accurate time...)
"Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"
***
I believe that was the first parody I've done. Smashing good fun, I dare say; I shall have to do it more often. In other news, I believe my antibodies are too weak to fight Senioritis. Soon the cancerous apathy shall spread. Ah, the bliss of apathy. Sweet, sweet apathy.
U.S. Final, Part I-- Multiple choice, not too bad; essay, absolutely horrible.
U.S. Final, Part II-- DBQ, facile; essay, absolutely horrible.
AP English- DAHAHA FREAKING EASY. TWO OPEN-ENDED'S, AND AN ANALYSIS ON THE ONION. I am the luckiest test-taker in the freakin' world.
STAR Testing, Part I-- Might as well attack the Sierra National Forest with a flamethrower. Standardized tests are the biggest waste of money/time/energy ever.
STAR Testing, Part II-- What I said.
AP U.S.-- DAHAHAHA. Once again, I am the luckiest test-taker EVER. Essay choices/DBQ could not have been better chosen to fit what little I know :D
SAT II, U.S. History-- DAHAHAHA.
SAT II, Chemistry-- AHAHAHAA.
SAT II, Math IIC-- Pain. A really big pain.
Calculus Unit Test-- I'm still recovering from the pain of such an intensive two-hour long test.
AP Chemistry-- DAHAHAHA. I love how these tests avoid topics I don't know!
So there you have it. Hufsa is the luckiest person in the world when it comes to tests, so if you want an easy AP, take it the same year as Hufsa; although for some people, my good luck has been their bane. Oops?
*Yes, I am well aware of what I just typed.
**I am well aware that it is not the last test--but if you remind me, I will feel obliged to hurt you.