"The reason I keep going...is you." 01/??
Title: "The reason I keep going...is you." 01/??
Pairing: Jongkey
Length: 999 words
Rating: NC-17 (WARNING: SUICIDE, ABUSE, ATTEMPTED RAPE)
Genre: drama, angst, au
Foreword: Kibum should have been dead by now. That thinning string of sanity that he so desperately clung to finally broke. He wanted to end it. So why isn't he dead?
“Kibum you worthless piece of shit! Unlock the door and face me now!” screamed Kibum’s father. He was drunk again, his words were slurred and Kibum knew very well that when his father was drunk, he was an angry drunk. Actually, angry didn’t even begin to describe how bad he got. This happened every night, since he was about 9 years old.
He was surprised actually, that the old man hadn’t died of alcohol poisoning or liver problems yet.
By this time, 15 year old Kibum knew that if he didn’t unlock the door, his father would knock it down anyway and he would be lucky if he didn’t end up in the hospital or worse this time.
Heart racing, body shaking violently, he unlocked the door and jumped back, knowing that he would get hit by the door. But to be honest, he knew it would be the least of his problems tonight.
His father burst into the room shouting and slurring, holding a bottle of liquor.
“KIBUM! YOU PATHETIC WASTE OF SPACE! WHY ARE YOU EVEN ALIVE?!” he yelled, grabbing Kibum’s alarm clock and chucking it straight at his head. Thankfully he saw that coming and ducked out of the way. “I SHOULD HAVE JUST LEFT YOU WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD, LEFT YOU TO DIE IN SOME DITCH SOMEWHERE.” Furious, he made his way over to Kibum, slamming him hard into the wall.
As he was every night, Kibum was terrified. But tonight, he was more than terrified. He was petrified, he thought he was going to have a heart attack, he couldn’t breathe, tears were streaming down his face.
“Dad what did I-“ Kibum started, but stopped when a fist collided with his jaw.
Suddenly, his father changed right after punching him in the jaw. The atmosphere in the room turned from obviously angry to cold and silent, which was even scarier. His father’s face went dark.
“…..you want to know what you did?” asked his father in a tone that made the blood in Kibum’s veins run cold. Suddenly Kibum didn’t want to know.
“You’re gay aren’t you, Kibum?”
Kibum was not expecting that. He closed his eyes and remained silent.
Yes, he was gay. He knew that. But he didn’t think his father knew.
Shit.
He was also not expecting what his father did next. His father dragged him over to the bed. “No. No, no, no. NO!” screamed Kibum. This wasn’t like his father. As bad as his old man got, he never had tried to cross this line. Heart rate way too fast, too much adrenaline coursing through his system, his body seemed to know what to do as he stuck out his leg, tripping the old man as he was dragging Kibum over to the bed. Making use of the old man’s surprise, he grabbed the bottle of liquor, swung it hard to the man’s head. The old man collapsed, leaving Kibum standing there, not quite knowing what had happened. Reality hit him suddenly; he knew he had to leave. He had to escape. Grabbing his cell phone, the little money he had, and the stuffed animal that he considered his only source of comfort, he ran down the stairs of his house.
His head and jaw were pounding, the adrenaline making him nauseous, but still he ran. He ran through the woods until the nausea became too much and the minute he stopped, he retched and brought up the little food he had snuck for dinner.
A few minutes later, Kibum passed out cold on the colorful autumn leaves below him.
* * * * * *
Waking up from his forest bed of leaves, Kibum was in shock. The memories of the night suddenly started to come back to him. Did his father actually almost cross that line? He had never done such a thing before- Kibum knew that his father was disgusted with the fact that he is gay, but did he think that trying to rape Kibum was going to “cure” him of his homosexuality? He had never seen anything wrong with his sexual orientation, but he’d never ever brought it up with his father (for good reasons too, apparently).
He knew that the kids at his school thought he was gay. However, he was never bullied for it. He was actually quite a loner at his school. He used to have friends, but around age 11, when the beatings came more frequently , he started to change. His mental state started to go downhill. He became withdrawn and jumpy. If someone came towards him, tried to talk to him, he would jump and panic, and eventually people stopped trying. No one knew what was wrong, why he became this way; he covered his bruises very well. No one tried to get him help, not even for his anxiety and mood swings. One second he’d show maybe an inkling of amusement at something funny, but the next second his face would be either completely devoid of emotion or turn into a sad expression. Kids started to think he was weird, even insane. His friends started to leave him because they weren’t sure what else to do.
He had never been in a relationship for this reason. Kibum was actually quite beautiful, his black hair was soft, his feline eyes were both piercing yet enticing. So it wasn’t because people thought he was unattractive or anything, since he was absolutely gorgeous. It’s just that he was seen as crazy.
Kibum lifted himself off the dirt and leaves of the forest floor. He immediately felt sick. He was in so much pain. He forced his legs to move him forward, but he didn’t really know where he was going. It was now nighttime. Reaching the edge of the forest, he looked up at the sky. The stars in the dark, beautiful sky shone brightly, and suddenly Kibum felt like he didn’t want to do this anymore.
Pairing: Jongkey
Length: 999 words
Rating: NC-17 (WARNING: SUICIDE, ABUSE, ATTEMPTED RAPE)
Genre: drama, angst, au
Foreword: Kibum should have been dead by now. That thinning string of sanity that he so desperately clung to finally broke. He wanted to end it. So why isn't he dead?
“Kibum you worthless piece of shit! Unlock the door and face me now!” screamed Kibum’s father. He was drunk again, his words were slurred and Kibum knew very well that when his father was drunk, he was an angry drunk. Actually, angry didn’t even begin to describe how bad he got. This happened every night, since he was about 9 years old.
He was surprised actually, that the old man hadn’t died of alcohol poisoning or liver problems yet.
By this time, 15 year old Kibum knew that if he didn’t unlock the door, his father would knock it down anyway and he would be lucky if he didn’t end up in the hospital or worse this time.
Heart racing, body shaking violently, he unlocked the door and jumped back, knowing that he would get hit by the door. But to be honest, he knew it would be the least of his problems tonight.
His father burst into the room shouting and slurring, holding a bottle of liquor.
“KIBUM! YOU PATHETIC WASTE OF SPACE! WHY ARE YOU EVEN ALIVE?!” he yelled, grabbing Kibum’s alarm clock and chucking it straight at his head. Thankfully he saw that coming and ducked out of the way. “I SHOULD HAVE JUST LEFT YOU WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD, LEFT YOU TO DIE IN SOME DITCH SOMEWHERE.” Furious, he made his way over to Kibum, slamming him hard into the wall.
As he was every night, Kibum was terrified. But tonight, he was more than terrified. He was petrified, he thought he was going to have a heart attack, he couldn’t breathe, tears were streaming down his face.
“Dad what did I-“ Kibum started, but stopped when a fist collided with his jaw.
Suddenly, his father changed right after punching him in the jaw. The atmosphere in the room turned from obviously angry to cold and silent, which was even scarier. His father’s face went dark.
“…..you want to know what you did?” asked his father in a tone that made the blood in Kibum’s veins run cold. Suddenly Kibum didn’t want to know.
“You’re gay aren’t you, Kibum?”
Kibum was not expecting that. He closed his eyes and remained silent.
Yes, he was gay. He knew that. But he didn’t think his father knew.
Shit.
He was also not expecting what his father did next. His father dragged him over to the bed. “No. No, no, no. NO!” screamed Kibum. This wasn’t like his father. As bad as his old man got, he never had tried to cross this line. Heart rate way too fast, too much adrenaline coursing through his system, his body seemed to know what to do as he stuck out his leg, tripping the old man as he was dragging Kibum over to the bed. Making use of the old man’s surprise, he grabbed the bottle of liquor, swung it hard to the man’s head. The old man collapsed, leaving Kibum standing there, not quite knowing what had happened. Reality hit him suddenly; he knew he had to leave. He had to escape. Grabbing his cell phone, the little money he had, and the stuffed animal that he considered his only source of comfort, he ran down the stairs of his house.
His head and jaw were pounding, the adrenaline making him nauseous, but still he ran. He ran through the woods until the nausea became too much and the minute he stopped, he retched and brought up the little food he had snuck for dinner.
A few minutes later, Kibum passed out cold on the colorful autumn leaves below him.
* * * * * *
Waking up from his forest bed of leaves, Kibum was in shock. The memories of the night suddenly started to come back to him. Did his father actually almost cross that line? He had never done such a thing before- Kibum knew that his father was disgusted with the fact that he is gay, but did he think that trying to rape Kibum was going to “cure” him of his homosexuality? He had never seen anything wrong with his sexual orientation, but he’d never ever brought it up with his father (for good reasons too, apparently).
He knew that the kids at his school thought he was gay. However, he was never bullied for it. He was actually quite a loner at his school. He used to have friends, but around age 11, when the beatings came more frequently , he started to change. His mental state started to go downhill. He became withdrawn and jumpy. If someone came towards him, tried to talk to him, he would jump and panic, and eventually people stopped trying. No one knew what was wrong, why he became this way; he covered his bruises very well. No one tried to get him help, not even for his anxiety and mood swings. One second he’d show maybe an inkling of amusement at something funny, but the next second his face would be either completely devoid of emotion or turn into a sad expression. Kids started to think he was weird, even insane. His friends started to leave him because they weren’t sure what else to do.
He had never been in a relationship for this reason. Kibum was actually quite beautiful, his black hair was soft, his feline eyes were both piercing yet enticing. So it wasn’t because people thought he was unattractive or anything, since he was absolutely gorgeous. It’s just that he was seen as crazy.
Kibum lifted himself off the dirt and leaves of the forest floor. He immediately felt sick. He was in so much pain. He forced his legs to move him forward, but he didn’t really know where he was going. It was now nighttime. Reaching the edge of the forest, he looked up at the sky. The stars in the dark, beautiful sky shone brightly, and suddenly Kibum felt like he didn’t want to do this anymore.