"The reason I keep going...is you." 04/??
Title: "The reason I keep going...is you." 04/??
Pairing: Jongkey
Length: 903 words
Rating: NC-17 (WARNING: SUICIDE, ABUSE, ATTEMPTED RAPE)
Genre: drama, angst, au
Foreword: Kibum should have been dead by now. That thinning string of sanity that he so desperately clung to finally broke. He wanted to end it. So why isn't he dead?
AN: I should really start writing longer chapters...
“You didn’t really want to do it, did you, Key?”
“…No.”
There was an eerie silence that settled over them after Kibum answered. The quiet but certain “no” resonated through the air as they both took in Kibum’s thoughts. Kibum didn’t even know why he answered with “no.” Why was he even so certain? He started to panic as thoughts of rejection raced through his mind, what if Jonghyun didn’t get it, didn’t understand it? Even worse, what if he really deep down thought that he should have just let Kibum jump, but just didn’t want it on his conscience- what if Kibum had jumped and he was there but didn’t do anything? What if it was all just false hopes that someone actually cared? All those people in his life that he once thought had cared, they all turned on him. His mom, his friends, and his neighbors who turned a deaf ear even when they heard Kibum screaming some nights…they all left him. He couldn’t lose Jonghyun too. He only knew him for maybe an hour but in this moment of vulnerability and insecurity he needed someone to stay, to talk with him and help him.
He got so caught up in his thoughts and panic that he started crying without realizing it. The tears started to slip down his pale cheeks, leaving behind their wet trails on the skin that was starting to bruise blue and purple. Only when Jonghyun cautiously and gently leaned over to embrace Kibum did any sobs break lose. As the sobs rocked Kibum’s almost too thin body, he started whispered how sorry he was that he was like this, and how so sorry he was that he was being so pathetic in front of an almost complete stranger. Jonghyun just let him cry it out, telling him the whole time that he wasn’t being pathetic, and that no, Kibum wasn’t ruining his night; but Jonghyun knew that the younger boy needed to cry out everything and so not once did he tell him to stop crying. He just let Kibum’s tears run their course, and when they had finally slowed, Jonghyun shifted a bit to let go but stopped when Kibum clutched onto him, tangling his long fingers into Jonghyun’s now tear-stained white shirt.
“Please don’t leave me. I just can’t lose you too.”
Jonghyun decided to save the original question for later, considering Kibum's reaction to it.
Jonghyun had no idea about the rest of this boy’s life. It was a huge mystery to him. He wanted to learn so much more but he didn’t want to push the younger boy and so he just took Kibum’s face in his hands to get him to look into his eyes again. When Kibum winced at the touch, Jonghyun brought his hands back a little bit, but his eyes soon widened.
“Key…your jaw…what the fuck happened?!” Jonghyun exclaimed as he brushed his fingers along Kibum’s jawline. The skin had discolored by then to deep shades of purple and blue, which stood out quite a lot against his pale skin. Jonghyun’s sudden exclamation though, startled Kibum, who started to shrink away quickly. For Kibum, any loud exclamation always led to him being hit. That was all he’d known for a lot of his life, it was like cause and effect.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…please don’t hit me…” Kibum whimpered as he shrunk away.
“Key, what makes you think I would ever hit you?” Jonghyun asked, perplexed. Jonghyun wanted to know why the thought that he would hit him ever crossed Kibum’s mind. Jonghyun wasn’t the type to use violence, even when furious; and he certainly wasn’t even close to angry right then. His exclamation was out of concern for the younger boy.
“Jonghyun, it’s all I’ve ever known,” said Kibum very quietly. There was something in his eyes that told Jonghyun that the kid had been through a lot; he wished Kibum would open up to him. Maybe it was a little soon for that, and Jonghyun didn’t want to rush or make him feel uncomfortable in anyway, so he opted to just tell him that he’d never try to hurt him.
Jonghyun felt a connection with Kibum already. He didn’t know what kind of connection he felt, but it was there. He also had no idea if Kibum even felt the same as he did.
Kibum did. But like hell would either of them even mention it.
“Key, I think you should go to the hospital to get your jaw checked out and-“
“No.”
“But we should make sure there’s no serious damage to you. Are you hurt anywhere else?” Jonghyun tried to reason with Kibum.
“Everyw- no, I’m not,” Kibum changed his thought quickly, lying so as not to worry Jonghyun or have to talk about anything he’d been through. Jonghyun certainly knew different; he knew what Kibum was going to say before switching to a lie.
“Key. We need to get you to a hospital. I’m serious.”
Kibum felt his defenses being broken down. The way Jonghyun looked at him, giving him his best puppy dog look, big eyes full of concern and something else that Kibum couldn’t place. He couldn’t say no to him, he could tell Jonghyun truly wanted to make sure he was okay; Kibum couldn’t fathom why, but he was going to go along with it.
“Fine Jjong, let’s go…”
Pairing: Jongkey
Length: 903 words
Rating: NC-17 (WARNING: SUICIDE, ABUSE, ATTEMPTED RAPE)
Genre: drama, angst, au
Foreword: Kibum should have been dead by now. That thinning string of sanity that he so desperately clung to finally broke. He wanted to end it. So why isn't he dead?
AN: I should really start writing longer chapters...
“You didn’t really want to do it, did you, Key?”
“…No.”
There was an eerie silence that settled over them after Kibum answered. The quiet but certain “no” resonated through the air as they both took in Kibum’s thoughts. Kibum didn’t even know why he answered with “no.” Why was he even so certain? He started to panic as thoughts of rejection raced through his mind, what if Jonghyun didn’t get it, didn’t understand it? Even worse, what if he really deep down thought that he should have just let Kibum jump, but just didn’t want it on his conscience- what if Kibum had jumped and he was there but didn’t do anything? What if it was all just false hopes that someone actually cared? All those people in his life that he once thought had cared, they all turned on him. His mom, his friends, and his neighbors who turned a deaf ear even when they heard Kibum screaming some nights…they all left him. He couldn’t lose Jonghyun too. He only knew him for maybe an hour but in this moment of vulnerability and insecurity he needed someone to stay, to talk with him and help him.
He got so caught up in his thoughts and panic that he started crying without realizing it. The tears started to slip down his pale cheeks, leaving behind their wet trails on the skin that was starting to bruise blue and purple. Only when Jonghyun cautiously and gently leaned over to embrace Kibum did any sobs break lose. As the sobs rocked Kibum’s almost too thin body, he started whispered how sorry he was that he was like this, and how so sorry he was that he was being so pathetic in front of an almost complete stranger. Jonghyun just let him cry it out, telling him the whole time that he wasn’t being pathetic, and that no, Kibum wasn’t ruining his night; but Jonghyun knew that the younger boy needed to cry out everything and so not once did he tell him to stop crying. He just let Kibum’s tears run their course, and when they had finally slowed, Jonghyun shifted a bit to let go but stopped when Kibum clutched onto him, tangling his long fingers into Jonghyun’s now tear-stained white shirt.
“Please don’t leave me. I just can’t lose you too.”
Jonghyun decided to save the original question for later, considering Kibum's reaction to it.
Jonghyun had no idea about the rest of this boy’s life. It was a huge mystery to him. He wanted to learn so much more but he didn’t want to push the younger boy and so he just took Kibum’s face in his hands to get him to look into his eyes again. When Kibum winced at the touch, Jonghyun brought his hands back a little bit, but his eyes soon widened.
“Key…your jaw…what the fuck happened?!” Jonghyun exclaimed as he brushed his fingers along Kibum’s jawline. The skin had discolored by then to deep shades of purple and blue, which stood out quite a lot against his pale skin. Jonghyun’s sudden exclamation though, startled Kibum, who started to shrink away quickly. For Kibum, any loud exclamation always led to him being hit. That was all he’d known for a lot of his life, it was like cause and effect.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…please don’t hit me…” Kibum whimpered as he shrunk away.
“Key, what makes you think I would ever hit you?” Jonghyun asked, perplexed. Jonghyun wanted to know why the thought that he would hit him ever crossed Kibum’s mind. Jonghyun wasn’t the type to use violence, even when furious; and he certainly wasn’t even close to angry right then. His exclamation was out of concern for the younger boy.
“Jonghyun, it’s all I’ve ever known,” said Kibum very quietly. There was something in his eyes that told Jonghyun that the kid had been through a lot; he wished Kibum would open up to him. Maybe it was a little soon for that, and Jonghyun didn’t want to rush or make him feel uncomfortable in anyway, so he opted to just tell him that he’d never try to hurt him.
Jonghyun felt a connection with Kibum already. He didn’t know what kind of connection he felt, but it was there. He also had no idea if Kibum even felt the same as he did.
Kibum did. But like hell would either of them even mention it.
“Key, I think you should go to the hospital to get your jaw checked out and-“
“No.”
“But we should make sure there’s no serious damage to you. Are you hurt anywhere else?” Jonghyun tried to reason with Kibum.
“Everyw- no, I’m not,” Kibum changed his thought quickly, lying so as not to worry Jonghyun or have to talk about anything he’d been through. Jonghyun certainly knew different; he knew what Kibum was going to say before switching to a lie.
“Key. We need to get you to a hospital. I’m serious.”
Kibum felt his defenses being broken down. The way Jonghyun looked at him, giving him his best puppy dog look, big eyes full of concern and something else that Kibum couldn’t place. He couldn’t say no to him, he could tell Jonghyun truly wanted to make sure he was okay; Kibum couldn’t fathom why, but he was going to go along with it.
“Fine Jjong, let’s go…”