Days of December - December 1st
2 months ago my mum died
1 month ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
I had found a lump one morning whilst showering I knew straight away what it was as I slid down the wall and wrapped my arms legs were I cried and cried until dad kicked the door down fearing I had hurt myself. We got it checked out that day, I knew what it was, and it was just a matter of time. They had told me that there was nothing anyone could do; they hadn't been able to catch it in time. They had given me a month, give or take a few days. Exactly a month today I was told that, and here I am. I have done all my weeping. I had accomplished that during this month, but it didn't make anything better. During that time I had become quite an avid writer, writing down what I wanted to do with the time I had left. This is how I spent my 31 days of December.
December 1st 2010
I lie in bed, facing the clock. 5 minutes until I have to get up and start living. 4 minutes until I fall for Sian even harder. 3 minutes until I get a witty Rosie comment. 2 minutes until I tell them how I’m spending my December. 1 minute until I face and admit to the world, that I am not letting it win!
My clock flickers as the number on the digital display changes, 8:00. I slide my legs out from under the covers as my bare feet touch the floor. I smile whilst walking over to my wardrobe and grab a shirt and pair of jeans turning round to throw them on the bed as I get a towel ready for my morning shower. Walking across the hall and into the bathroom I shut the door behind me, dad took the lock off, after last time. I slowly peel off my pyjama top and bottoms throwing them into a pile and kicking them into a corner, as I turn the shower on, hot, but not too hot. I wait for a few minutes for the water to be just how I like it as I push down my underwear and let them fall to my feet, making quick work of them and kicking them into the corner of the room with the pile of pyjamas.
I step into the shower letting the water embrace me as I move under it whilst leaning over to grab the body wash, squirting it into my palm and putting it back and run my hands over my body before rinsing off and grabbing the bottle of shampoo, once again squirting it into my palm as I grab my hair and slowly rub the shampoo over it before rinsing it off. Stepping out the shower I grab the towel and wrap it around my body as I turn on the tap on and grab my toothbrush, squeezing some toothpaste onto it as I begin brushing my teeth, moment later I put the toothbrush back in the holder, walking to the door I grab my pyjamas and head into my room, throwing my clothes into the wash basket. I dry myself off as I get into my clothes, there’s a knock at my door.
“Come in.” I say whilst drying my hair, as the love of my life walks in carrying a bouquet of roses. I look at her and can’t help but smile, putting my hairdryer down as she hands me the bouquet whilst putting her hands on my hips.
“I will love you till the last rose withers.” She says as she kisses me softly and leaves. I glance into the bouquet to see a dozen roses, one of which is artificial, a smile breaks across my face as I place them on my desk and finish drying my hair, curling it the way Sian likes it. Slipping on a pair of socks and some slippers I leave my room and walk to the top of the stairs, slowly descending. I reach the bottom as everyone looks up and smiles at me.
“Morning, Sophie!” They all beam happily as Sian walks up to me and kisses my cheek I take this opportunity to whisper something to my lover.
“Thank you Sian, that meant a lot.” I say as I embrace her lovingly as we pull apart and she kisses me on the cheek again.
“Good. Because I meant every word of it.” She says with that irresistible smile as I shake my head, I have to tell them how I plan to spend December.
“Good.” I whisper as she walks into the kitchen, opening a packet of pop tarts and sticking them in the toaster, frosted strawberry pop tarts.
“Something smells nice.” I giggle and sit on the sofa beside Rosie who flashes me a smile. A few minutes later Sian walks in holding a plate of pop tarts, she can be such a sweetheart sometimes, by sometimes I mean, all the time.
“Right girls, I’m off to work, if you need me you know where I am.” Dad says about to leave.
“Um, dad...” I say as I swallow the mouthful of pop tart “I actually wanted to talk to you all…” I trail off as he nods and sits down and they all look at me. It’s now or never I suppose, quite literally.
“Right, as you all now, I might only have a few days now, so instead of moping around crying. I have decided to live the remaining time I have left to the full with my family and girlfriend.” I say looking at them all with a smile on their face as they nod me to proceed.
“I would like to do something special every day for the rest of this month, something I feel compelled into doing.” I say biting my lip. “Today, I want to go to The Rovers and have a nice meal, is that ok with everyone?” I ask hoping they are ok with it. They all nod as dad and Rosie rush off upstairs and Sian sits beside me, putting her hand on mine as she slowly leans over and kisses me, her kisses still take my breath away as I slowly lie back on the sofa so our bodies can touch, she runs her tongue over my bottom lip seeking entrance, which I am happy to give as our kiss deepens I hear footsteps coming down the stairs, Sian goes to pull away but I hold her there, she initially stiffens as I don’t let her move, but relaxes seconds later.
“You girls ready?” Dad asks as I finally break the kiss and look up over the sofa to see a blushing father and gobsmacked sister. I nod and sit up getting off the sofa to get my shoes.
“You two are like wild animals, you was like totally getting it on back there wasn’t you?” Rosie asks as I turn around to see her looking at Sian for an answer, this ought to be good i think to myself and smile as Sian parts her lips.
“You’re just jealous because you’ve got it on everywhere but on the sofa. We beat you get over it.” Sian giggles as Rosie looks flustered and walks over to me.
“Hurry up babe.” She says softly as I slip off my slippers and into my shoes. And we walk out the house and into the cold air. Instant Goosebumps. I feel Sian rummage around in my coat pocket for my hand as she entwines our fingers, I’m so glad we don’t have to worry about being seen now. As we walk into The Rovers, heads pop up from all around the pub, the image of that arcade game were you whack the rat came to mind, causing me to giggle.
“You girls go get a table I’ll get in the drinks; will you be having the usual?” Dad asks as we all nod and I lead us over to a table in the corner and take a sit, Sian beside me and Rosie on the other side.
“This is nice isn’t it?” I ask as Sian takes my hand in hers and puts it on the table for all to see, Rosie smiled and nodded as Sian kissed my cheek, gaining another smile from my sister.
“I love you both. Please don’t ever forget that.” I say sadly looking down as Sian wraps her arm around me and pulls me close.
“You say that like you’re about to die.” Rosie laughs. Sometimes I do worry about her. As I give her a half-hearted smile.
“Rosie!” Sian snaps as Rosie’s laugh vanishes in seconds.
“Oops! Sorry I forgot!” Rosie replies fighting back tears. She can be a silly cow sometimes but I love her, she has been there for me and Sian every step of the way and I can’t thank her enough.
“It’s ok.” I smile and giggle as Rosie looks up at me and smiles, I see dad walking over with the drinks in his hands and menus in his mouth as he places the drinks down, sliding them around and across the table to whose drink it is and putting the menus in front of us. As Sian pulled her purse out her bag and got out some coins and gave them to dad.
“For the drink.” Sian smiled as dad shook his head.
“Sian, you’re my daughter’s girlfriend, that makes you family, and family is free so put your money away.” Dad smiled giving her the money back and sitting down beside Rosie, earning in a shake of the head from Sian and a smile from me, he considered Sian family.
“Thanks Mr Webster.” Sian smiled as she put her purse back into her bag and dropped it on the floor and grabbed two menus, sliding me one. I opened up the menu, I didn’t need to look, I knew what I wanted. I scanned through the menu and gasped as I felt Sian’s hand on my leg causing 4 raised eyebrows from my dad and sister and a blush from me. They quickly shook it off and went back to the menu as I looked at Sian who smiled, she was doing no harm, she’d done it before, and maybe it was just the shock of doing it in front of my dad? No surely not, we were ‘getting it on’ on the sofa earlier. I’m snapped out of my daydream by Sian waving her hand in front of me.
“What you having babe?” She asks with a smile as I notice Ciaran standing by the table with a little notepad and pen.
“Betty’s Hot Pot.” I grinned as Ciaran scribbled something on his pad and walked off with a smile.
“So what else you got planned babe?” Sian asked entwining our fingers as I looked at her angelic face. What did I do to deserve such a beautiful girlfriend? She’s perfect in every way. I flash her a smile before telling her.
“Well this week, I have planned, for Monday to Friday…” I said as I took a deep breath hoping for approval.
“Monday, meal with my family and girlfriend, the most important people to me.” I smile, we have never been for a meal as a family before, and going with Sian to a family meal meant just that much more.
“Tuesday, picnic with my girlfriend, Sian.” I smile and look at her as she blushes and wraps her arms around me whispering thank you into my ear.
“Wednesday, spa day with my sister, Rosie.” I say looking at her as she stands up over the table and hugs me whispering her thank you.
“Thursday, bowling with dad.” I giggle and see a grin spread across his face as he leans over and kisses my cheek, instead of a thank you however I hear him playfully whisper you’re going down, causing me to giggle again.
“Friday, hot air balloon ride, for me and Sian.” I whisper, fully aware of the blush creeping over my cheeks as Sian looks at me and places her hands on either cheek and kisses me deeply, the room erupts into cheers which catches me off guard causing me to pull away.
“You go girls!” Sean shouts from behind the bar clapping his hands, causing me to giggle again and look at him giving him a smile as he goes back to work. Ciaran came over a few moments later skilfully carrying the plates in an almost artistic way.
“Here we are.” He smiles placing the plates in front of us as I dig into my hot pot and immediately regret it, it’s scolding hot. I reach for my drink. It’s empty. I look around as my mouth begins to burn as I see Sian giggle as she cups my cheeks and leans in closer, our lips connecting. She immediately asks for entrance which I am happy to give as her tongue makes its way into my mouth softly sucking on mine as I immediately cool down but heat fire up in other places, Sian had never sucked my tongue before and to be honest with you. I liked it. We was interrupted by Rosie coughing as I broke away from Sian blushing to see a silent pub and a flustered Ciaran and dad with his hands over his eyes.
“Alright everyone show’s over!” Rosie shouts as everyone returned to what they was doing, Rosie could be just enough Rosie sometimes.
“And you mister, close your mouth, turn around and walk!” Rosie orders to Ciaran as he did as she ordered. Me, Sian and Rosie all burst into a fit of giggles as we spent the rest of the morning talking about the rest of the week, I put the last mouthful of hotpot into my mouth and put my knife and fork into the bowl.
“What’s next Soph?” Sian asks with a smile as I shrug, I only planned the activity, I completely forgot about how there is like 24 hours in a day as I bury my head in my hands.
“Only one thing for a face like a slapped arse like yours sis and that’s shopping!” Rosie squeals
* * *
1 hour later
* * *
Dad pulls the car up outside the shopping centre turning in his chair and stuffing some money into my hand with a smile.
“Have a nice time girls.” He says softly as he looks at Rosie.
“Don’t get too carried away, please?” He asks looking at her rolling his eyes at her nodding her head eagerly whilst he turns to look at my blonde beauty.
“Look after her.” He smiles as Sian crosses her heart earning a nod of understanding from my dad as we step out the car, dad waves and drives off I look at Rosie already eyeing up the lads and shops. Sian slides her palm into mine entwining our fingers. She’s perfect like that. We walk inside the centre, I instantly freeze to the spot as I see Ryan, Sian sees him too and steps in front of me protectively. I love it when she is protective, lets me know the love is mutual.
“Look Ryan, we don’t want a confrontation.” Sian says as I smile at her calmness.
“No. me neither.” Ryan smiles, I’d never seen him so happy, and his happiness was contagious as I found myself smiling.
“Actually I was hoping I’d catch you girls. I have just been shopping and brought you something.” He says with a smile as he hands me a bag which Sian doesn’t take her eyes off as I look inside.
“Is it a bomb?” Rosie asks which results in a giggle from all of us, well except her, I think she was serious…
“No Rosie, it’s not a bomb.” Ryan confirms with a grin, he knows what Rosie is like. As I pull an envelope out the bag and open it.
Dear Sophie,
I know I have been a complete prick to you and Sian.
But in a way I am glad I was, because if I hadn’t of been you wouldn’t be with her now.
I have never seen either of you so happy, and I am glad you have both found each other.
I’m sorry for my initial reaction Sophie, it was unacceptable, but I have come to accept you both for who you are. Don’t let cancer get in the way of your happiness.
Get well soon
Ryan x
I smile as a tear escapes my control and falls freely down my cheek as I throw my arms around him.
“Thank you. So much.” I whisper into his ear as I let go I notice the shocked faces of my girlfriend and sister and let out a giggle, handing Sian the card a smile breaking across her face as she hugs him too then quickly pulls away and looks at me worriedly, I give her a smile to let her know it’s ok, she gives me one back, the blonde before me melts my heart. I hope she knows that.
“Right girls, I must be off. Have a nice day.” Ryan says with a smile as he walks off. Well that was unexpected.
“Awkwaaaard.” Rosie squeals as me and Sian burst into giggles and entwine our fingers once more, we walk for a bit before entering a small café, me and Sian take a seat as we nervously trust Rosie with the drinks. Surely even she can’t mess that up? Sian leans over and plants a soft kiss on my lips as I place my hand on her cheek and deepen the kiss seeking entrance which she seems quite happy to give.
“Get out right now you dykes!” Yells a waiter glaring angrily at me and Sian whilst pointing to the door, at that moment Rosie walks over and punches the waiter smack bang in the face knocking him to the floor. Who’d of thought it, Rosie being able to throw anything than a strop because she can’t get a £4,000 bag?
“Don’t you ever talk to my sister or her girlfriend like that again! Do you hear me, prick!?” Rosie yells whilst shaking her hand, clearly she had hurt it. Rosie can be the most amazing sister sometimes. By now the whole café had gone silent and was watching the fiasco Rosie had ended with a bang.
“You broke my nose, bitch!” The waiter yells back as he gets to his feet and swings back his arm, I flinch closing my eyes. Waiting. But it never comes; I slowly open my eyes to see the waiter straining his face, but whatever for? I slowly look up to see Chesney gripping the waiters arm.
“What did you just say!” Chesney hisses into his ear, receiving no reply he throws the waiter to the ground. What is Chesney doing here?
“Ches?” Sian asks confusion in her tone, clearly we think alike.
“Hey girls and Rosie.” Chesney beams with a smile as he looks at the waiter on the floor.
“You’re fired, get out my sight!” Chesney yells. Fired? He can’t do that surely.
“Ches, um, you can’t do that, you kinda need to work here to do that, even I know that.” Rosie laughs as I look at Chesney, then it kicks in. I remember a while back him talking about getting a job in a restaurant. But truth be told I’d paid more attention to Sian’s lips at the time. I notice the man on the floor scramble to his feet and leave abruptly.
“Nice restaurant Ches.” I wink as a grin spreads across his lips, Sian catches on with a smile. Rosie however is on the other side of the room chatting some lad up. Typical.
“OK, you got me, it’s a café. I am sorry about that.” Chesney says knowing we would know what he meant I nod with a smile; he walks over and embraces us both. How we’d grown apart after my mum died, I got the feeling he didn’t know how to act around me in fear of upsetting me so we just lost contact, even though we live across the road from one another.
“Right, I am going to have to catch you both later. Work to do.” Chesney smiles as he leans over and wrapped an arm around me and Sian, eventually pulling away and going back to work. I look around to see Rosie, back against a pinball machine as a lad thrusts his pelvis against her skirt causing the odd gasp. It was a sight for sore eyes, Sian notices too as she drags me over to the sexually offending scene.
“Hey.” I whisper seductively to the lad who stops what he’s doing, scanning over us to see us holding hands.
“Hello girls, do you fancy a bit of Toby Junior too?” He says with a wink. See how pathetic lads are? They think any girl that feigns interest wants his tinky winky. Awe, bless. I turn and cup Sian’s cheek and attack her lips passionately with mine as I hear a feint Rosie giggle; we break apart to see who I presume is Toby, clutching his jeans.
“Did Toby Junior like that?” Sian asks biting her lip seductively as the lad nods, I see Rosie from the corner of my eye trying not to laugh.
“Too bad we don’t swing your way, too much in the southern region, not enough in the northern region.” Sian winks with a laugh as I grab Rosie’s arm, who may I say is in a fit of giggles as we walk to the exit I see Chesney waving at us with a smile, I wave back at one of my most amazing friends. From now on I must make an effort to see him more. In fact he’s mine on Saturday.
“Were to now girls?” Rosie asks excitedly whilst looking in her pocket mirror, straightening out her hair.
“Ann Summer? I need some new bras.” Sian admitted with a little blush, she knows how much I like there collection. Rosie nods as we walk into Ann Summers, Rosie immediately going over to the toys like it was the most normal thing in the world as I stood mouth open, Rosie picked something up and turned around dangling some fluffy pink handcuffs.
“What you think girls? Reckon Jason will like them?” Rosie asks as I stand stunned by her open minded attitude at asking me, her sister, if her lover would like some fluffy handcuffs.
“This is awkward…”Sian whispers squeezing my hand pulling us off to the bra section. I glance over a few, one caught my eye in particular, an Orchid Black Bra. I picked it from the shelf and held it up to Sian.
“I like this one.” I smile as she takes it from me and places it to her chest, a smile spreading across her lips.
“Can I help you ladies?” Smiles a shop assistant as she glances down at the bra Sian is holding.
“Very good choice there ma’am I’m sure you and your boyfriend will enjoy that.” She smiles helpfully as a jolt of jealousy shot throughout my being at the thought of Sian being with anyone but me.
“Should I phone and ask them?” Sian asks looking at me with a twinkle in her eye.
“If you wish ma’am.” The shop assistant replies as Sian dug into her pocket and pulled out her phone, clicking a few buttons before my leg started to buzz, I looked at my girl and smiled as I got my phone out my pocket.
“Hello?” I ask playing along.
“Hey Soph, I was just ringing to see if you liked this bra?” Sian giggles as she shows me the bra.
“I love it!” I reply enthusiastically with a smile on my face.
“Good. Love you babe, bye.” Sian says waiting for my reply.
“Love you too, bye.” I smile as Sian ends the call and we both slip our phones back into our pockets. I look up to see the shop assistant smiling.
“Very cute.” She says sincerely giving us a smile.
“I’m sorry if I offended either of you by assuming you had a boyfriend.” She says looking at Sian, who smiles and hands her the bra.
“I’ll take it.” Sian grins as we walk over to tills.
“That will be eight pound please.” Smiles the shop assistant whilst handing Sian the bag. I’m paying I immediately think as I stop Sian from looking for her purse, quickly pulling out a tenner and handing it to the cashier as Sian turns and faces me giving me that smile I so deeply admire.
“Shift, I want to buy these please.” Rosie says pushing past me and Sian as Rosie puts the fluffy handcuffs on the counter along with a sex toy, that I refuse to name as my jaw drops to the floor upon seeing my sister openly buying sex toys.
“Rosie! What are you buying that for?!” I ask demandingly, regretting it instantly knowing she would now throw a witty comment my way.
“It’s for…um…you two?” Rosie says looking at me as the woman behind the counter chokes back a laugh.
“I know you are both still yet to lose the big ‘V’, Sian partly excluded, wink wink. So I thought I’d buy you this.” She replied handing me a long pink dildo.
“What is that?” Sian asked my sister curiously.
“It’s um…a um…I don’t actually know, do you?” Rosie replies turning to ask the lady behind the counter, she coughs and goes red and steps out from behind the counter and takes the toy from my hands.
“This is the Double Trouble, a double ended dildo that offers a double dose flexibility and pleasure to sex and masturbation. This beautiful, translucent dildo is 17.5 inches long or around 45cms. This length is perfect for sharing this toy between two people or for use alone.” She said proudly at her knowledge of the toy.
“You seem to speak from experience.” Rosie said winking at the assistant who was now blushing and biting her bottom lip.
“Does it have a box or something I refuse to walk around in public carrying a dildo bigger than a ruler?” I ask nervously as she shifts back to behind the desk and rummages around under the counter, eventually pulling out a box.
“Here we are, just a tip if you girls do plan on using it be sure to use lube, I have put a tube inside the box. Our little secret.” The lady smiled at me and handed me the box as I quickly put it into a bag.
“Right can we go now? I really want to go home.” I said glancing down at my watch, how the day had flown by.
“Eager to test it out are ya’s?” My sister grinned. There is a line and Rosie doesn’t just cross it she walks around it, over it and sometimes even goes under it.
* * *
Several hour later
* * *
I was cuddling up with Sian in bed for the first time since I got the cancer, I was scared if I was too close to her she’d get it. How I’d miss cuddling her, smelling her, being with her. I am so glad she will be my forever. i think about tomorrow and how i am going to make her and my day so special, a picnic. Ie have never been on a picnic before, so this will be something special for the both of us. Let's see what tomorrow brings.