thirty-eight.
thirty-eight.
one-thousand and thirty words.
in my memories, you never stop smiling
based off of this prompt at kpopficsmeme : "Art is part of a rebellion against the realities of its unfilled desires" - Emma Goldman. Thank you to the anon who posted this quote :3
Have you ever considered drawing a nude, Jessica?
Jessica looks up from her sketch pad, squinting at the figure leaned over her, the sun shining brightly from behind her left shoulder.
Could you move to your left? she responds, and relaxes a little bit when the figure complies. After a moment of scanning the features of the other girl, she returns her focus to her sketch, her pencil making casual, almost effortless, curves from the bottom left to the top right of her paper. Again and again she does this, until she finally gets one that looks just right, just perfect. She nearly smiles.
Are you going to answer me?
Jessica pauses for a moment before reaching over and opening her backpack, beginning to pack away her supplies. It's only when she shifts her weight and stands does she realize that the girl is still waiting for an answer. She shrugs.
I don't know you. Why should I answer you?
She bows a little bit and dismisses her, twisting away and turning her music up louder. Today had been a productive day.
---
Jessica, her professor manages to catch her wrist on her way out. Jessica stares. Jessica, have you ever considered drawing a person?
Jessica swears she's heard this question before. Or something. Something like it? She manages to keep a blank stare locked onto her professor until the woman lets go of her wrist, and meekly takes a step back.
It's just- she struggles to explain her actions, and Jessica doesn't really feel like hearing it, I've noticed that you... never draw any people, ever. Your abstract work is fantastic, your scenery and portraits of the stills amazing, but - don't you ever feel like drawing people?
Jessica has never felt like drawing people. She's never had anyone catch her attention long enough for her to develop such a desire. People change too quickly, and end up all looking the same. In Jessica's ideal world, there would be no people. Why should she draw them, immortalize them onto sheets of life? Why would she ever do that for them?
She turns to walk out the classroom door, but not before her professor whispers, There's a model who wishes for you to draw her. She's coming in tomorrow, I- a pause. I expect to see you there, Miss Jung. I- I'll be grading your work.
Well, shit.
---
You came.
It's that girl. That one who had blocked the sun for her, and then proceeded to ask too many questions. That one. Jessica squints at her again, even though the sun isn't blinding her this time. She almost wants to ask what she's doing here, but she figures it'd take too many words to answer her question, and she doesn't want to waste time. There's a single chair opposite the stool that the girl is sitting on, and so Jessica takes it, dropping her backpack onto the ground and opening it to get her supplies out.
The girl stands and, Jessica sees it from the corner of her eyes, drops her robe. Jessica stays hunched over her backpack for another moment before straightening herself and placing her pad on her lap.
What are you doing here, Yoona? She asks.
Yoona hesitates for only a moment before she continues to find a comfortable position. She finally settles with her legs crossed, hands resting just below her belly button, back straight.
Aren't you going to begin drawing, Jessica?
Jessica almost wants to storm out, to throw her sketches and collection and life at Yoona and just scream, take it, take it all, and get out, get out!, but she decides not to let Yoona win this game. She begins with a basic outline, glancing up only when she has too. Yoona takes the opportunity to begin speaking.
Do you ever think about me?
---
Jessica had been lying. There had been one person who had caught her attention. There had been one person who Jessica had loved to draw. On sticky notes, note-cards, folded-up letters, the backs of homework assignments that they traded, signed and you're so beautiful. There had been one person who had never changed, had never become like everyone else in Jessica's mind.
Jessica couldn't deal with her, couldn't deal with this them that they had. She had erased her as best as she could, swept all of the leftover shavings to her right, crumpled up the memories, and thrown them as far as she could. Yoona wasn't supposed to go looking for her.
Yoona wasn't supposed to forgive her.
---
An hour with no responses, yet Yoona shows no signs of stopping with the questions.
Are you making me beautiful?
Nothing I could do could-- Jessica bites her tongue and catches herself, a little too late, a little too early. Yoona nearly steps off the stool in eagerness, but catches herself just in time to maintain the pose.
Nothing I could do could make you anything except beautiful.
Jessica sighs as she draws a casual, almost effortless, curve on her rotated paper and nearly smiles as she realizes that it is perfect, that it fits the curve of Yoona's face perfectly.
She hasn't lost everything, she thinks.
---
Why don't you love me? Yoona finally asks, an hour later as the sun is setting. Jessica's grip on her pen - now a pen, now final, now permanent - grows tighter for some reason. She ignores the question, just as she did the rest, and works on the finishing details - the shading of the stool, the way Yoona's eyes shine with something - it it sorrow? Jessica doesn't know - and the way her toes curl to keep herself stable.
---
She's finished. She quickly rips the drawing from her sketch pad, stuffs everything into her backpack, and stands as Yoona covers herself.
Here, she says, holds out the paper to Yoona and Yoona takes it from her slowly. She twists away and walks towards the door. Goodbye.
The drawing is beautiful, takes Yoona's breath away, keeps her unable to hold Jessica back.
I'm sorry, it says on the back, under Jessica's signature, and you're so beautiful.
one-thousand and thirty words.
in my memories, you never stop smiling
based off of this prompt at kpopficsmeme : "Art is part of a rebellion against the realities of its unfilled desires" - Emma Goldman. Thank you to the anon who posted this quote :3
Have you ever considered drawing a nude, Jessica?
Jessica looks up from her sketch pad, squinting at the figure leaned over her, the sun shining brightly from behind her left shoulder.
Could you move to your left? she responds, and relaxes a little bit when the figure complies. After a moment of scanning the features of the other girl, she returns her focus to her sketch, her pencil making casual, almost effortless, curves from the bottom left to the top right of her paper. Again and again she does this, until she finally gets one that looks just right, just perfect. She nearly smiles.
Are you going to answer me?
Jessica pauses for a moment before reaching over and opening her backpack, beginning to pack away her supplies. It's only when she shifts her weight and stands does she realize that the girl is still waiting for an answer. She shrugs.
I don't know you. Why should I answer you?
She bows a little bit and dismisses her, twisting away and turning her music up louder. Today had been a productive day.
---
Jessica, her professor manages to catch her wrist on her way out. Jessica stares. Jessica, have you ever considered drawing a person?
Jessica swears she's heard this question before. Or something. Something like it? She manages to keep a blank stare locked onto her professor until the woman lets go of her wrist, and meekly takes a step back.
It's just- she struggles to explain her actions, and Jessica doesn't really feel like hearing it, I've noticed that you... never draw any people, ever. Your abstract work is fantastic, your scenery and portraits of the stills amazing, but - don't you ever feel like drawing people?
Jessica has never felt like drawing people. She's never had anyone catch her attention long enough for her to develop such a desire. People change too quickly, and end up all looking the same. In Jessica's ideal world, there would be no people. Why should she draw them, immortalize them onto sheets of life? Why would she ever do that for them?
She turns to walk out the classroom door, but not before her professor whispers, There's a model who wishes for you to draw her. She's coming in tomorrow, I- a pause. I expect to see you there, Miss Jung. I- I'll be grading your work.
Well, shit.
---
You came.
It's that girl. That one who had blocked the sun for her, and then proceeded to ask too many questions. That one. Jessica squints at her again, even though the sun isn't blinding her this time. She almost wants to ask what she's doing here, but she figures it'd take too many words to answer her question, and she doesn't want to waste time. There's a single chair opposite the stool that the girl is sitting on, and so Jessica takes it, dropping her backpack onto the ground and opening it to get her supplies out.
The girl stands and, Jessica sees it from the corner of her eyes, drops her robe. Jessica stays hunched over her backpack for another moment before straightening herself and placing her pad on her lap.
What are you doing here, Yoona? She asks.
Yoona hesitates for only a moment before she continues to find a comfortable position. She finally settles with her legs crossed, hands resting just below her belly button, back straight.
Aren't you going to begin drawing, Jessica?
Jessica almost wants to storm out, to throw her sketches and collection and life at Yoona and just scream, take it, take it all, and get out, get out!, but she decides not to let Yoona win this game. She begins with a basic outline, glancing up only when she has too. Yoona takes the opportunity to begin speaking.
Do you ever think about me?
---
Jessica had been lying. There had been one person who had caught her attention. There had been one person who Jessica had loved to draw. On sticky notes, note-cards, folded-up letters, the backs of homework assignments that they traded, signed and you're so beautiful. There had been one person who had never changed, had never become like everyone else in Jessica's mind.
Jessica couldn't deal with her, couldn't deal with this them that they had. She had erased her as best as she could, swept all of the leftover shavings to her right, crumpled up the memories, and thrown them as far as she could. Yoona wasn't supposed to go looking for her.
Yoona wasn't supposed to forgive her.
---
An hour with no responses, yet Yoona shows no signs of stopping with the questions.
Are you making me beautiful?
Nothing I could do could-- Jessica bites her tongue and catches herself, a little too late, a little too early. Yoona nearly steps off the stool in eagerness, but catches herself just in time to maintain the pose.
Nothing I could do could make you anything except beautiful.
Jessica sighs as she draws a casual, almost effortless, curve on her rotated paper and nearly smiles as she realizes that it is perfect, that it fits the curve of Yoona's face perfectly.
She hasn't lost everything, she thinks.
---
Why don't you love me? Yoona finally asks, an hour later as the sun is setting. Jessica's grip on her pen - now a pen, now final, now permanent - grows tighter for some reason. She ignores the question, just as she did the rest, and works on the finishing details - the shading of the stool, the way Yoona's eyes shine with something - it it sorrow? Jessica doesn't know - and the way her toes curl to keep herself stable.
---
She's finished. She quickly rips the drawing from her sketch pad, stuffs everything into her backpack, and stands as Yoona covers herself.
Here, she says, holds out the paper to Yoona and Yoona takes it from her slowly. She twists away and walks towards the door. Goodbye.
The drawing is beautiful, takes Yoona's breath away, keeps her unable to hold Jessica back.
I'm sorry, it says on the back, under Jessica's signature, and you're so beautiful.