...and you could have it all, my empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt.

[dctr_mccoy]

The last time Bones had woken up alone had been during Kirk's capture by the Romulans. There had been times when he'd gone to sleep, Jim working late or something, only for Bones to find himself wrapped up in strong arms in the morning.

But this morning he'd woken up alone.

He didn't panic, although he asked the computer to locate the Captain (

Comments

[kirktastic]

Jim was already waiting there for him. Jim had come straight down from the bridge, and was... nervously pacing their quarters. He wanted to apologize for not having come back to the room last night, and had a feeling Bones would be upset with him. He scratched the tattoos on the back of his left shoulder, then stared at the markings on his opposite hand. Vulcan. Still there, months later. His skin was finally healed from the last of it... they had to get removed at some point..

"Fuck." He whispered to the room.

[dctr_mccoy]

He was surprised to see Jim there. "Hey you," he said quietly, walking inside. He dropped his bag on the table, in its usual spot, and walked past Jim and over to the sofa, where he took off his boots, trying to ignore the worried look in Jim's face.

Whatever it was, Bones was pretty sure he didn't want to hear it.

[kirktastic]

"Hey," Jim said quietly, watching Bones. No smile, no crossing the room to touch him. ...He had a bad feeling about this. Jim licked his lips and stood up, moving to sit down on the couch as well.

How did one go about doing this shit?

[dctr_mccoy]

Yeah, it was going to be one of those talks.

Bones pulled off his blue shirt, the smell of Sickbay lingering on it, and tossed it in with the dirty laundry. He headed next to the cabinet where he kept his liquor, and poured out two glasses of his best bourbon. Bones felt Jim's eyes on him as he moved around the room. He was so fucking quiet...

Sitting back down on the sofa, he silently handed one to Jim before leaning back on his side, taking a sip and a deep breath.

[kirktastic]

Jim fingered the glass, but actually put it aside. "..Fell asleep where I shouldn't have. Meant to just take a nap... woke up almost twelve hours later." He shifted in place, like a child under its parents' eyes. "...Sorry that I didn't come back to our quarters."

[dctr_mccoy]

Bones took another sip. Clearly it was more than that - Jim hadn't just fallen asleep somewhere. That wasn't what this was about, the kid looked guilty about something. Fuck.

Bones pressed his mouth to the glass and just smelled it for a moment. He'd foolishly left the bottle over on the counter, and he didn't want to get up and get it before he had to.

[kirktastic]

Jim looked down, and said nothing else. Bones' didn't have to forgive him - after all, he had promised. He wouldn't say anything more, because Bones had asked him not to tell him about anything like that that happened. He rubbed his thumb over his other hand, tracing the markings there.

[dctr_mccoy]

"What?" he finally asked, beginning to lose his patience. If Jim wasn't gonna bring up not being there last night, then... that told Bones all he needed to know. "What's wrong?"

[kirktastic]

"..." His fingers curled into fists in his lap. Did Bones mean what was deep down wrong, or just what was wrong? Bones told him he didn't want to hear about it... was it better to just omit some of it or... tell? Fuck, he didn't know. "Know you're mad I wasn't here, s'what's wrong."

[dctr_mccoy]

"Well," he began, then stopped. "I just thought we had an understanding there, Jim." You go fuck around and I wait at home for you.

Bones finished his drink. "I guess-" someone "-something came up."

[kirktastic]

"...I told ya. I didn't mean to fall asleep. I just did." Jim looked to Bones, trying to explain. I'm trying to keep part of that understanding right now!

[dctr_mccoy]

Bones caught his eyes, staring into them for a long time. Yeah, Jim didn't mean to fall asleep in some lounge. Didn't mean to break his promise. Bones was stupid for thinking it'd meant something to Jim.

"Whatever," Bones said, getting up and getting himself some more to drink.

[kirktastic]

That look, that word slammed into his chest like a ton of bricks. His fingers crushed each other in their grip, and his stomach clenched up into a tiny ball. He tried to think, tried to think what would set something like this right. What did people do to make things like this right? Usually... he just left the room until Bones stopped being a growling monster and turned back to normal, but something told him it wouldn't work. It felt like what he knew about what was between them was all useless. So he just closed his eyes and tried to figure out words for this.

[dctr_mccoy]

He poured a generous glass, figuring that this wasn't going to get better. It must be pretty fucking bad if Jim wasn't talking about it. But that was their deal, wasn't it? Jim didn't talk and Bones ignored it all.

They needed to talk about that though, didn't they? Their 'understanding'? Fucking bad time, Jim was going to think this was about retaliation... fuck, maybe he should wait for another time. But when? They talked about 'them' once every blue moon, and if the discussion was sort of on the table now, might as well get it all out. "I got a question for you, 'bout out little agreement."

[kirktastic]

His chest tightened, throbbed, and when he breathed it seemed to tighten again. It'd never felt like this before. "...you can ask me anything." He said quietly, risking a little up. He wished he could read the expression on Bones' face. He was keeping at least one of his words, even if he had only broken one on accident.

[dctr_mccoy]

Bones took a deep breath, and headed back to the sofa, sitting on his side, where he felt safer for some terrible reason. "So. You know that I don't want to know 'bout when you're out with your 'others'?" he asked, looking down at his glass.