Realization
A while ago, I typed a post saying how I wished I could start my life over. Well, someone responded, "so start it over...right now." They didn't say who they were, but I just want to tell them, "Thank you!" When I first read it, I thought, yeah, it's just that easy, huh? So, I just kept going with the way my life had been, but that statement stayed in my head, and kept coming back, "so start it over...right now." The days, heading into weeks, since that post, had the same problems, the same worries, the same situations that had made me want something different. Then I was in Bean's wedding, and I was standing up there, listening, and watching, and thinking. I couldn't believe that my friend, who I've known since we were freshmen in high school, was going to have a husband, and start a new life with him.
Time has been passing way too fast. Too fast to just sit around and be unhappy about the way things are. Too fast to just think about the what if's and why's. Too fast to not do something about it and make a change for the better. "So start it over...right now." Last night, it sunk in that I'm probably not getting into vet school, and I was trying to prepare myself to hear that. Then, I just kept thinking, that I wasn't good enough, that something was wrong with me, something I couldn't change, and that broke my heart. The one thing I have wanted for so long, and every choice that I have made has been geared towards that goal, and I just can't reach it. It hurts so bad inside. To know that you are inadequate, not good enough, and can't fix it, it just hurts. But, now is the time to "start it over".
I am not going to dwell on the bad things that have happened in my life. I am not going to hold grudges, because even though people have hurt me, I am continuing to hurt myself by being so upset about it, and thinking about it all the time. I am not going to complain about not having enough money, because, what does that do to help the situation? Nothing. I am not going to tell people anymore how much I hate school, you know why? Because people already know, and each time I mention it, I just get more and more upset.
I am going to start enjoying my life. I am going to start taking better care of myself. I am going to get more sleep and eat healthier. I am going to try to not lose my temper as quickly, or as often. And most importantly, I am going to experience life. I am going to take more trips, even if it's 10 minutes away, just to get out and go somewhere new. I am going to try to be more outgoing and meet more people. I am going to help more people and quit being so selfish, always thinking about how bad my problems are. I am going to watch different movies and eat at different restaurants instead of watching and eating at the same ones all the time. I am going to take different routes home and just enjoy the scenery.
You do not have a single clue how much time you have left of your life. I don't want to be dying, thinking how much I still wanted to do, or how much I was going to do, "tomorrow" when I'm not going to have another "tomorrow" to do it. I'm not going to completely disregard my dreams that I have now, but those aren't going to be the only things that I am working toward. I know that I am not the only one who is unhappy with their life, "so start it over...right now."
Time has been passing way too fast. Too fast to just sit around and be unhappy about the way things are. Too fast to just think about the what if's and why's. Too fast to not do something about it and make a change for the better. "So start it over...right now." Last night, it sunk in that I'm probably not getting into vet school, and I was trying to prepare myself to hear that. Then, I just kept thinking, that I wasn't good enough, that something was wrong with me, something I couldn't change, and that broke my heart. The one thing I have wanted for so long, and every choice that I have made has been geared towards that goal, and I just can't reach it. It hurts so bad inside. To know that you are inadequate, not good enough, and can't fix it, it just hurts. But, now is the time to "start it over".
I am not going to dwell on the bad things that have happened in my life. I am not going to hold grudges, because even though people have hurt me, I am continuing to hurt myself by being so upset about it, and thinking about it all the time. I am not going to complain about not having enough money, because, what does that do to help the situation? Nothing. I am not going to tell people anymore how much I hate school, you know why? Because people already know, and each time I mention it, I just get more and more upset.
I am going to start enjoying my life. I am going to start taking better care of myself. I am going to get more sleep and eat healthier. I am going to try to not lose my temper as quickly, or as often. And most importantly, I am going to experience life. I am going to take more trips, even if it's 10 minutes away, just to get out and go somewhere new. I am going to try to be more outgoing and meet more people. I am going to help more people and quit being so selfish, always thinking about how bad my problems are. I am going to watch different movies and eat at different restaurants instead of watching and eating at the same ones all the time. I am going to take different routes home and just enjoy the scenery.
You do not have a single clue how much time you have left of your life. I don't want to be dying, thinking how much I still wanted to do, or how much I was going to do, "tomorrow" when I'm not going to have another "tomorrow" to do it. I'm not going to completely disregard my dreams that I have now, but those aren't going to be the only things that I am working toward. I know that I am not the only one who is unhappy with their life, "so start it over...right now."