Such a blur...
I'd chat more, but due to forgetting my laptop battery in Tulsa, it'll be quick and dirty, heh...
Reason I've been down and mopey these past few days is due to my grandmother passing away...she was in and out of a coma, from what I recollect, but there's some real reasons it hurts as much, if not more so, than my grandfather passing away a few weeks ago.
I almost never see or have any actual contact with Mom's side of the family (it was her mother, Granny, who passed), whereas I keep up weekly contacts with Da's side of the family (his father, Granddad, passed a few weeks ago). An overwhelming surge of guilt has been smacking me in the back of the head these past few days, because the last time I had seen Granny or even chatted with her was years upon years ago...I'm not even sure if she's seen any pictures of me since high school, and that was forever ago...it just hurts that I never really seemed to show any care for Mom's side of the family, and it's not that I don't care, but I just always feel so...distant, I guess, and I always end up burning time here with friends and drama in Normanville to give any more time than I already have to other things (which, I know, is what everyone keeps telling me is something I should just cut out...but that's another rant for another time).
I went to the casino my first time ever this past weekend. It distracted me from other depressing thoughts, and also made me realize that I'm glad I wasn't the one driving, because I have a gambling problem and I would have stayed for much longer to try to recoup my losses until I was dead broke.
Laptop dying, so much left to say, just like I do/did with Granny...Da's taken the religious/afterlife turn for the situation, and while I think there might be something happening there, I'm not going to pretend to be optimistic about my chances of ending up with everyone else, if such a place exists...this is all we got as far as I know now, and when someone's gone, it's not just a phase, not going to 'hook up' with them later...
They're gone.
And this is why I should not stay up all night alone thinking blarghsome thoughts, I need sleep...after getting J-boy from the airport.
Reason I've been down and mopey these past few days is due to my grandmother passing away...she was in and out of a coma, from what I recollect, but there's some real reasons it hurts as much, if not more so, than my grandfather passing away a few weeks ago.
I almost never see or have any actual contact with Mom's side of the family (it was her mother, Granny, who passed), whereas I keep up weekly contacts with Da's side of the family (his father, Granddad, passed a few weeks ago). An overwhelming surge of guilt has been smacking me in the back of the head these past few days, because the last time I had seen Granny or even chatted with her was years upon years ago...I'm not even sure if she's seen any pictures of me since high school, and that was forever ago...it just hurts that I never really seemed to show any care for Mom's side of the family, and it's not that I don't care, but I just always feel so...distant, I guess, and I always end up burning time here with friends and drama in Normanville to give any more time than I already have to other things (which, I know, is what everyone keeps telling me is something I should just cut out...but that's another rant for another time).
I went to the casino my first time ever this past weekend. It distracted me from other depressing thoughts, and also made me realize that I'm glad I wasn't the one driving, because I have a gambling problem and I would have stayed for much longer to try to recoup my losses until I was dead broke.
Laptop dying, so much left to say, just like I do/did with Granny...Da's taken the religious/afterlife turn for the situation, and while I think there might be something happening there, I'm not going to pretend to be optimistic about my chances of ending up with everyone else, if such a place exists...this is all we got as far as I know now, and when someone's gone, it's not just a phase, not going to 'hook up' with them later...
They're gone.
And this is why I should not stay up all night alone thinking blarghsome thoughts, I need sleep...after getting J-boy from the airport.