Fresh out of jail
Well I am having the time of my life . As always I fucked up and this time I was able to find out what it is like to spend a little time locked up. Oh Man I t so great showering in front of like 15 other guys, watching other inmates get the shit beat out of them ,spending 18 hours a day locked down in a room the size of a closet. I Got to meet the guy who has been on tv alot lately for shooting his ex in the head . I had plenty of time to think about how bad I have fucked my life up and relised I don't have to much of a future too look forward to .I am out now and It felt great for the first 24 hours but I worked last night and relised I am more then likely going to have to serve more time for my ignorant mistakes and I am basically depresssed as hell not even that I am scared to be in there but I am very upset to think of how little I am going to have when I get out again. I think if I had a gun I would probablly shoot myself in the fucking head before I let them put me in there again but what can i do ? Nothing pay my debt to society and hope that I have something to go back to when it is over .I am such a Bitch I have no place to complain I did it to myself .I Know I am getting what I deserve but I think that by trying to be a good person You should beable to get by with out always feeling like You don't desrve anything but punishment and shame .I want to do so manythings for so many people yet I have nothing to give because I can't do anything right for more then a month at a time with out fucking up. WHY??????????Why the Fuck Do I always end up deeper in the hole ....Futher from my dreams ..and closer to my grave ..I feel like a fucking Slave to the Devil.I am out.