No More Hiding (1/3, 2/3, 3/3)
Title: "No More Hiding"
Fandom: ER
Pairing: Kerry/Kim
Rating: PG
Word Count (Total): 2342
Spoilers: Up to "Witch Hunt" 7x16
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory or in any way factual.
Author's Notes: Okay, this is what happens when you spend all your nights watching old episodes of ER. I take no responsiblity for this. It wanted to be written and I couldn't really deny it. Besides as luck would have it. I do my best writing after 2 AM. I guess thats just the way I am wired. This is three chapters. Or more like two, plus a short epilog. This is also UN-beta'd and as I said written in the middle of the night, and English is not my mother language so please be aware of some mistakes.
Summary: Weaver stands up for Kim at her sexual haressment meeting during "Witch Hunt" and realizes that she is done hiding.
Chapter 1
As Kerry was standing in Romano’s office hearing him talking about Kim like she was some kind of pervert, like she was doing something wrong by being out, openly gay, it should have scared her to pieces. It should have made her even more secure about her decision not to tell anyone about her and Kim, make her decision to stay in the closet 100%. But it didn’t.
In fact, it just made her pissed off, and not the kind of pissed off Romano usually made her whenever he made a sexist joke, or discriminated against the women in the workplace, no. This time what he was saying actually made her sick to her stomach. She wasn’t sure she could take it anymore.
She looked over at Kim, she looked so hurt, so fragile. She had never seen her that fragile before, and she had never before this moment realized how hard this must be for her. She had only been thinking of herself, how her life would be different, how hard it was her. She had never once stopped to consider what Kim might be putting herself into, what Kim was sacrificing by keeping her secret.
It shouldn’t have to be this way, it shouldn’t have to come down to either or. Kerry loved her job, for the past five years County had been her life, but she realized now that she had been hiding, hiding in her work, hiding from what had been haunting her for her whole life. Hiding from love.
Kim had made her happy, happier than she could ever remember being. She didn’t have to hide when she was with Kim, she could finally be open, and true. She didn’t have to pretend that she was something she was not, that she was perfect. She had never been in love before, she had tried, but it wasn’t love. It was trying to forget what she really felt; it was trying to pretend that a man was what she wanted. It was why she had gotten divorced; she was sick of pretending that she loved him, sick of pretending she could be what he wanted her to be.
Everything was different now; it had been different for quite some time, ever since Kim opened her eyes. Ever since Kim helped her see what was true, what was real, ever since Kim had showed her what love was really about. Acceptance, patience, sacrifices. Maybe it was about time that Kerry gave something back. Stopped taking, and started giving.
“Kerry, do you have anything to say on behalf of Doctor Legaspi?”
It would have been easy to say no, looked away and gone back into hiding. Gone back to pretending that Kim was just a casual friend, a co-worker, but that was not the way it was. Kim was more than that. She was so much more than that.
“Actually, Robert. I do”
She looked over at Kim, and tried to force a smile. It was harder than she expected it to be, but she knew she had to do it. If there was supposed to be any chance that she might not loose Kim, she would have to stand up now, no matter how petrified she was, because she was. She was terrified to the depth of her bones.
“Yes, Dr. Weaver... We’re waiting...”
She took a deep breath, calmed down and began what she knew might possibly change everything.
“Dr. Legaspi isn’t capable of those things you are accusing her of. When she tells me that nothing happened with that girl, I believe her. Why? Because I believe in her; she is an amazing doctor, and that girl was confused. Dr. Legaspi was trying to help.”
She could feel the confidence coming over her. It was about time she stood up to Robert and his homophobic attitude anyway.
“Dr. Legaspi is not only a great doctor, she is a great human being, and I am proud to call her…”
She stopped, looked at Kim, smiled, and knowing she was ready. Kim smiled back for the first time that day; Kerry could see some hope in her eyes, some hope for the future.
“Call her what, Dr.Weaver? Your friend, your coworker?”
“My girlfriend, Robert.”
Kim grabbed Kerry’s hand, and Kerry could feel her squeezing it. Somehow it was the best feeling she had ever felt. It felt secure.
“Yeah, that’s right. Dr. Legaspi and I happen to be in a relationship, and the truth is that I love her. So, I am telling you to back off because if you are following through on this, and making this a bigger deal than what it is, because Kim is lesbian, I am telling you, Robert, I will tell this to anyone who wants to listen, especially the news. And if that’s what happens, I am sure that it won’t be Dr. Legaspi that is out of a job.”
Kerry took a deep breath, there it was. She was out; at least to Romano. But she didn’t care, she seriously didn’t care. She wasn’t even sure what she was afraid of anymore. Just feeling Kim’s hand in her own, she knew everything was going to be alright.
Chapter 2
Romano walked out of the room, shocked like crazy. It wasn’t hard to tell that when he called Kerry in for that meeting the last thing he’d expected to come out of her mouth was a declaration of love for Dr. Legaspi. He just closed the door behind him.
“I am going to expect Dr. Romano’s full support on this matter.” Said Dr. Anspaugh and gave Kerry a smile. He certainly hadn’t expected that outcome himself either. He walked out, closed the door, and smiled.
“Kerry… I...” Kim almost beamed where she was standing, Kerry could tell she was happy, but also insanely shocked, not that Kerry could blame her, after all the time she had spent denying who she was, denying them, it was no wonder her girlfriend was a little taken back.
“You don’t need to say anything, Kim. I did this as much for myself as I did for you. You know that night we had the fight about me adopting the lifestyle that was me being scared as hell. I’ve always known that I wasn’t like everyone else. I was always different, but I hid it. I hid it from the world, and I hid it from myself. Then you came along and I couldn’t hide anymore. You made me face up to something I’ve known practically my whole life. I was done hiding Kim.”
Kim came closer; she hugged her so tight that Kerry wasn’t sure she could continue breathing. But it didn’t matter, cuz it felt good, it felt right, like it always had. The hug broke, and Kim smiled like an angel. The angel Kerry always knew she had been.
“Kerry, I know you think you did this only for yourself but you didn’t. You might very well have saved my ass right now. I think you might be the only thing in this hospital that Romano actually fears, and you stood up to him, she told him that you believed me. That you believed in me. You told Romano that you loved me, something that if I am not wrong, you never even told me.”
Kim smiled, and Kerry could tell that she was teasing, and she had to laugh a little, that kind of laugh that only Kim could bring out of her. She loved that. Kim knew her like no one else ever had.
“I never told you because I was scared; I was scared to give you all of me, even if I knew I loved already at Christmas, before you kissed me, before you told me we couldn’t be friends. I knew I had falling for you, or was in the process of falling for you, and it scared me to pieces because Kim, you are the first person, man or woman, that I have ever truly loved, and it terrified me. So I hid, I pretended, and then you opened my eyes. No more blackness, only light.”
Kim kissed her. Kim kissed her in a way Kerry never before had been kissed, and she knew someone could come in; she knew someone could see, but she didn’t care anymore. No one could do anything about who she was. She was done hiding. They broke apart, and Kerry was literally breathless for the first time in her life.
“In case you didn’t get what that means, I love you too, Kerry.”
“I am sorry it took me so long to tell you, Kim. That it took me so long to accept it.”
“Kerry, I said I love you. Which means I don’t care how long it took, or how scared you might still be, cuz I know you are. I know this is terrifying Kerry, it changes everything, but know that no matter what, you can always count on me.”
“I was going to say the same to you. I ain’t going anywhere. If Romano still refuses to help, I’ll leave with you. I used to think this hospital was my life, that this was all I was ever gonna get. That the closest thing I would come to family and friends were a bunch of doctors who doesn’t even like me.”
Kerry saw that Kim smiled at that, almost laughed, not because it was funny but because it sounded ridiculous when you thought about it.
“Hey... don’t laugh. I am actually trying to say something important here.”
She punched Kim in the arm, which somehow only got her to laugh even more.
“Kerry, I am sorry but…”
“Yeah, yeah... I know. But the point is... I am trying to say that all of that changed, County is no longer my life. I have something to come home to when my shift ends, something to look forward to when my day is over. I have you.”
Kim kissed her again, more gently this time, more careful, more loving.
“Thank you, Kerry.”
“For what? I didn’t do anything…”
“For letting me love you. That takes more courage than anything…”
“Turns out, it was easier than I thought it would be.”
They smiled at each other, and as Kerry was leaning in to kiss Kim again, her pager went off. 3 seconds later so did Kim’s.
“The ER” Kim said.
“Let’s go.”
---
“Dr. Legaspi we need a psych consult in Curtain 2, a young girl shows sign of cutting but she won’t admit to anything…” Abby told Kim just as they got of the elevator.
“Dr. Weaver, Dr. Weaver. Trauma 1, SGW to the abdomen, and chest. Need help!” Dr. Carter yelled out about the same second.
“I guess I should go...” Kim told Kerry and smiled.
“Yeah, me too... “ Kerry turned to leave, before turning around again….
”Just one more thing.”
Kerry planted a big kiss on Kim’s lips, and suddenly the whole ER got quiet. It was not like they hadn’t all suspected, especially after Dr. Malluchi had overheard them talking about Kerry waking Kim up when she finished her shift, but none of them had expected Kerry to plant one on Kim in front of everyone.
“No more secrets.” Kerry told Kim before running after Dr. Carter.
“No more secrets...” Kim told herself before finding her way to Curtain 1.
Epilog
It had taken exactly 1 hours, 23 minutes and 58 second before the whole ER staff had heard what happened between Kim and Kerry in the middle of the ER. Some rumors had been a little over the top, but for the most part it had consisted of “OMG!”
“So, Abby what do you think of the newest devolvement?” Carter asked in the doctor’s lounge after being 100% sure that Dr. Weaver would not walk in on him gossiping about her private life; especially her love life.
“What developments?”
“Dr. Weaver and Dr. Legaspi?”
“It’s not like everyone didn’t know, Carter.”
“We suspected Abby. That is something entirely different than seeing Dr. Weaver planting a kiss on the hot psych doctor in the middle of the floor.”
“I still think it’s none of our business, Carter...”
“Oh, come on, Abby. When do we ever get anything this juicy to talk about...I just wondered what happened… They have been kind of low key, I heard the she talked to the police earlier today, and apparently she only called Dr. Legaspi a coworker…”
Abby slapped Carter. Sure, she liked gossiping, and it was juicy, but still... It was Dr. Weaver, and she was still scary as hell, when she got mad.
“You know. I think we should all thank Dr. Legaspi.” It was Dr. Chen who had popped her head into the Doctors Lounge.
“Why?” Abby was curious.
“Didn’t you see it?”
“Abby, you were RIGHT there.”
“I know...They kissed, we and the whole hospital have already established that. But what does that have to do with any of us?” Carter asked
“No, not the kiss!” Dr. Chen almost wanted to hit both Carter and Abby over the head with a stick.
“Then what?” Carter and Abby said in unison.
“She smiled! After she kissed Dr. Legaspi she smiled. She was happy folks. Dr. Weaver was happy. And you know what that means?”
“What?”
“A happy Weaver makes a happy boss. And a happy boss…”
“Makes this ER a much better place to stay!”
“Exactly Carter. Exactly.”
---
Three days later, Kim found a bouquet of flowers on her desk, first she assumed they were from Kerry, but she opened the note and it read.
Dr. Legaspi
Thank you for taming the lion.
Much thanks from the ER.