Letter to myself
When I was younger, there was a woman that I really loved. We spoke about getting married. She was so so beautiful. And she loved me with a fiery passion the likes I have not seen since. She would not let anyone ever say anything negative about me in her presence. She was very sharp and could rip a person apart with her intellect.
As is the story of my life - our relationship ended in a blaze of unbridled chaos. You see her father had done some very questionable things to her but mostly her sister. And I could not let it go.
She was good to me and feed me well and made me take vitamins and work out ect. That was all good but my evil twin Syd was always right outside waiting for an opportunity to show he was needed. As I got stronger so did he. Syd was patient because he knew I was too afraid to let him go completely. One never knows when a maniac might be needed - right?
One night after we had all gone out to dinner her father got confrontational with me in my own house. So I picked up and threw him across the room. Literally. When he got back up for seconds and I put a "sleeper hold" on him. My woman started crying that I was killing him (because I was). Her tears brought me back to reality and I let the father leave in one piece. Well needless to say she could not stay with me after that. I understood and still do.
But, still to this day, when I am blue or depressed - I think about that molesting fuck and how good it felt to have the chance to break him in half. But I let him go because I know he knew why I did it. He actually moved to the West Coast after that.
I don't know why I am telling you this. Maybe so you will understand that I know good from bad. Both live inside of me. I am very fortunate that I have learned to laugh at everything. If I can give myself just a few moments I can find the humor in everything. Maybe that is why I laugh at inopportune times.
Molly knows this story but doesn’t hear it. She likes to think that I was hatched from an egg when we fist started dating. After all this time I am ok with that.
Maybe sometime when I have a moment I will tell you about how Syd finally … finally … I don’t know the words to say. How Syd was no longer part of me
As is the story of my life - our relationship ended in a blaze of unbridled chaos. You see her father had done some very questionable things to her but mostly her sister. And I could not let it go.
She was good to me and feed me well and made me take vitamins and work out ect. That was all good but my evil twin Syd was always right outside waiting for an opportunity to show he was needed. As I got stronger so did he. Syd was patient because he knew I was too afraid to let him go completely. One never knows when a maniac might be needed - right?
One night after we had all gone out to dinner her father got confrontational with me in my own house. So I picked up and threw him across the room. Literally. When he got back up for seconds and I put a "sleeper hold" on him. My woman started crying that I was killing him (because I was). Her tears brought me back to reality and I let the father leave in one piece. Well needless to say she could not stay with me after that. I understood and still do.
But, still to this day, when I am blue or depressed - I think about that molesting fuck and how good it felt to have the chance to break him in half. But I let him go because I know he knew why I did it. He actually moved to the West Coast after that.
I don't know why I am telling you this. Maybe so you will understand that I know good from bad. Both live inside of me. I am very fortunate that I have learned to laugh at everything. If I can give myself just a few moments I can find the humor in everything. Maybe that is why I laugh at inopportune times.
Molly knows this story but doesn’t hear it. She likes to think that I was hatched from an egg when we fist started dating. After all this time I am ok with that.
Maybe sometime when I have a moment I will tell you about how Syd finally … finally … I don’t know the words to say. How Syd was no longer part of me