what is owed to the work (Flashfic Challenge 25: Without Holding)
Title: what is owed to the work
Author: kallistei
Pairing: Jaejoong/Yunho; Yunho/Changmin
Word count: 750
Concrit?: Always.
Summary: to love consciously, / conscientiously, concretely, constructively
Author's Notes: A sequel to the heart hoards its thorns. Title and summary from 'To Have Without Holding' by Marge Piercy.
Changmin doesn't do self-delusion, and he's sure as hell not stupid.
He doesn't have to be told to know why Yunho's suddenly stopped curling up in Jaejoong's bed for comfort or affection or both, or what put those looks in both their eyes. He's not blind, and he's seen this coming a long time, seen the clouds gathering overhead long before the storm broke, Jaejoong and Yunho at the epicentre, and the rest of them unable to avoid being caught by the edges of it even if they wanted to.
But Changmin's also patient, up to a certain point, anyway. He lets both of them mope for a few weeks, and then a few more, lets Yunho sidle around Jaejoong at every opportunity while they both pretend everything's just fine, no really, acting like he believes every second of the act. He sees the moment Jaejoong starts to actually believe it, the day he talks about his new girlfriend in front of them all without a sidelong glance at Yunho first, and sees, too, the flinch Yunho tries to hide. That's when Changmin knows the time's finally right for him to try to do something about it.
And since Changmin's also not into fooling himself, he doesn't try to pretend that the reasons Yunho kisses him back have anything to do with the reasons Changmin kissed him in the first place. But that's okay. Changmin's not looking for anything right now but the pleasure of the moment where Yunho leans into him, the warmth of the contact and how familiar it feels, despite the newness, in the handful of seconds before Yunho leans back and looks at him, wide-eyed and so obviously shocked Changmin can't help but laugh in response.
"Changmin," Yunho says, and Changmin tightens his arms around Yunho's waist, because he's pretty sure that running away is next in Yunho's repertoire.
"That's my name," Changmin replies, keeping his voice light, at odds with the way he's holding on.
"You kissed me." Yunho still sounds baffled, as if he has no idea why Changmin would've done that. He probably doesn't. Changmin noticed years ago that their fearless leader can be quite oblivious, when it suits him. Changmin's used it to his advantage more than once.
He smiles back at Yunho, fond, but with an edge to it. "I thought you could use it," he replies, tilting his head and cocking an eyebrow as if Yunho's questioning the most sensible and obvious of actions.
Yunho laughs a little at that, the sound making Changmin's smile turn a little gentler. It's been too long since he heard Yunho laugh without a shadow behind it. "Only you," Yunho says, all affection, relaxing in Changmin's hold. "Why did you think I could?"
"Because," Changmin says lightly, grinning. "Also, I wanted to."
"Oh, of course." Yunho's arms creep around Changmin, fingers stroking ever so lightly against the small of Changmin's back, and Changmin can't help being encouraged by the tiny whisper of contact, so much more Yunho-like than the stillness that's been Yunho's response to almost every off-camera touch for the last month and a half.
"So can I do it again?" Changmin asks, smiling as open and hopeful as he can while he lets a hand slide slow and warm down the length of Yunho's spine.
He pretends not to see the hesitation, the way Yunho ducks his head ever so slightly for a second. He knows Yunho wouldn't want him to. And either way, all he needs is the glance back up, the slow smile and the tightening of Yunho's arms around him as Yunho nods.
Afterwards, when Yunho's curled up against him and sleeping more soundly than Changmin's seen in longer than he cares to think about, Changmin keeps his hand on Yunho's side light and careful, not enough to wake Yunho with clinging. He's not deluding himself into thinking this is any more than what it is, but he's also smart enough to know what Yunho hasn't seen yet - that Yunho loves all of them as much he does Jaejoong. Jaejoong may have been the first, but Changmin's not going to waste any time or friendship resenting that, not when he loves Jaejoong too. Not when he's the one who has Yunho now, Yunho's trust too precious a thing to waste on holding too tight. The five of them will have years together yet; he's got time to be patient, to wait for Yunho to see this truth too.
Author: kallistei
Pairing: Jaejoong/Yunho; Yunho/Changmin
Word count: 750
Concrit?: Always.
Summary: to love consciously, / conscientiously, concretely, constructively
Author's Notes: A sequel to the heart hoards its thorns. Title and summary from 'To Have Without Holding' by Marge Piercy.
Changmin doesn't do self-delusion, and he's sure as hell not stupid.
He doesn't have to be told to know why Yunho's suddenly stopped curling up in Jaejoong's bed for comfort or affection or both, or what put those looks in both their eyes. He's not blind, and he's seen this coming a long time, seen the clouds gathering overhead long before the storm broke, Jaejoong and Yunho at the epicentre, and the rest of them unable to avoid being caught by the edges of it even if they wanted to.
But Changmin's also patient, up to a certain point, anyway. He lets both of them mope for a few weeks, and then a few more, lets Yunho sidle around Jaejoong at every opportunity while they both pretend everything's just fine, no really, acting like he believes every second of the act. He sees the moment Jaejoong starts to actually believe it, the day he talks about his new girlfriend in front of them all without a sidelong glance at Yunho first, and sees, too, the flinch Yunho tries to hide. That's when Changmin knows the time's finally right for him to try to do something about it.
And since Changmin's also not into fooling himself, he doesn't try to pretend that the reasons Yunho kisses him back have anything to do with the reasons Changmin kissed him in the first place. But that's okay. Changmin's not looking for anything right now but the pleasure of the moment where Yunho leans into him, the warmth of the contact and how familiar it feels, despite the newness, in the handful of seconds before Yunho leans back and looks at him, wide-eyed and so obviously shocked Changmin can't help but laugh in response.
"Changmin," Yunho says, and Changmin tightens his arms around Yunho's waist, because he's pretty sure that running away is next in Yunho's repertoire.
"That's my name," Changmin replies, keeping his voice light, at odds with the way he's holding on.
"You kissed me." Yunho still sounds baffled, as if he has no idea why Changmin would've done that. He probably doesn't. Changmin noticed years ago that their fearless leader can be quite oblivious, when it suits him. Changmin's used it to his advantage more than once.
He smiles back at Yunho, fond, but with an edge to it. "I thought you could use it," he replies, tilting his head and cocking an eyebrow as if Yunho's questioning the most sensible and obvious of actions.
Yunho laughs a little at that, the sound making Changmin's smile turn a little gentler. It's been too long since he heard Yunho laugh without a shadow behind it. "Only you," Yunho says, all affection, relaxing in Changmin's hold. "Why did you think I could?"
"Because," Changmin says lightly, grinning. "Also, I wanted to."
"Oh, of course." Yunho's arms creep around Changmin, fingers stroking ever so lightly against the small of Changmin's back, and Changmin can't help being encouraged by the tiny whisper of contact, so much more Yunho-like than the stillness that's been Yunho's response to almost every off-camera touch for the last month and a half.
"So can I do it again?" Changmin asks, smiling as open and hopeful as he can while he lets a hand slide slow and warm down the length of Yunho's spine.
He pretends not to see the hesitation, the way Yunho ducks his head ever so slightly for a second. He knows Yunho wouldn't want him to. And either way, all he needs is the glance back up, the slow smile and the tightening of Yunho's arms around him as Yunho nods.
Afterwards, when Yunho's curled up against him and sleeping more soundly than Changmin's seen in longer than he cares to think about, Changmin keeps his hand on Yunho's side light and careful, not enough to wake Yunho with clinging. He's not deluding himself into thinking this is any more than what it is, but he's also smart enough to know what Yunho hasn't seen yet - that Yunho loves all of them as much he does Jaejoong. Jaejoong may have been the first, but Changmin's not going to waste any time or friendship resenting that, not when he loves Jaejoong too. Not when he's the one who has Yunho now, Yunho's trust too precious a thing to waste on holding too tight. The five of them will have years together yet; he's got time to be patient, to wait for Yunho to see this truth too.