ichnelle: Love Opportunity (Part 2/2)
Part 1
When they finally caught up with the dinner rush it was almost 9 PM already. Juntarou huffed as he undid the apron and took a seat in the locker room. If he was to be honest, he kind of missed working part-time in Gogenton. It was a physically tiring job, of course, but it also relaxed him in a way. He could meet a lot of different people who come to eat at Gogenton. Since this new semester he took only three classes and therefore was not as time-consuming as before, maybe he should find a part time job again.
The door to locker room opened and Sakurai peeked inside. "Otsukare[3]," the man said as he took a seat beside Juntarou.
"Otsukare," replied Juntarou, stretching out his feet.
They sat in silence for a while before Sakurai mumbled, "You kind of saved us tonight," he leaned on the wall, arms stretched out to work the kink out of his system, "Thanks."
"It's not for free y'know," Juntarou teased the older man.
Sakurai chuckled. "Ah, too bad, we can pay you no money. What about a bowl of ramen?"
"Nah. Kidding."
"Well, my treat."
"Then I'll have the most expensive one," said Juntarou smugly.
"Tch, leech." Sakurai groaned and lightly punched his shoulder for good measure before standing up. "Come on then, you must be starving." He hoisted Juntarou to his feet and both walked out back into the restaurant.
"Anyway, just a week ago there was a man-- wait," as they went through the kitchen, Sakurai shouted out Juntarou's order to the cook and then continued, "looking for you."
Juntarou raised his brow at his friend as he sat back down at the bar again. "What? Who?"
"Hm, I kind of forgot his name." Sakurai looked around before sitting down beside him. The place was almost empty except for a couple in the middle. The restaurant was preparing to close down for the day. "It was a Korean name. Yoo-kun or something," Sakurai frowned.
Juntarou eyes widened, "You mean Yoochun-san?"
He walked out to the station with Sakurai, the man was now animatedly telling Juntarou about one Gogenton customer who comes with a different girl every time he visits Gogenton. Juntarou tuned out his friend's rambles and instead wondered about why Yoochun was looking for him again and why he looked for him at Gogenton? The man had his email address, didn't he? Just as he contemplated to send an email to Yoochun asking about that, his phone beeped, indicating a new email. He checked it immediately, guessing it was from Satoshi, his best friend, asking about his whereabouts and why he hasn't arrived at the party yet (yes, his friend was kind of a mother hen type who like to fuss and draw really, really good caricatures).
It was an email from Yoochun.
Juntarou quickly read the email and found that it was basically a New Year's greeting, wishing him a great incoming year and the like. It was not much but somehow he found his heart skipping a beat. He quickly sent back a similar email. He turned to look at Sakurai and nodded his goodbye as they went to different directions.
When he sat inside the metro, his phone beeped again. He quickly flipped it open and read it again.
[don't like new years party. stifling.]
Juntarou almost replied back with an invitation to join him and his friend's New Year's party but after contemplating for a while he settled with a [why?].
Just like that for the remaining night they sent one email after another about the mundane things they found in their New Year's party.
It was a Sunday afternoon in early spring when they met again after their months of bonded-through-emails friendship, this time it was at Club Harie, a European-style coffee shop known for it's world class Latte art. Juntarou felt almost like a girlfriend meeting his long-time-no-see boyfriend and almost hated himself for that. But for months, even though it had just been emails between them, he got to know Yoochun more. It was only the smallest things about the man, like how the man found Togawa-san amusing or how his nephew, Yunnie, could beat him in almost every game on Wii that he had bought for him. It was endearing, like Juntarou got to know a different person than the Yoochun he had met a long time ago (and thus the reason why he had been so nervous this time).
Unlike before, Yoochun had already come and taken a seat outside the coffee shop despite the cold breeze, hands nursing a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Juntarou got into the coffee shop to order a drink first before coming out again and took his seat in front of Yoochun, smiling nervously all the way.
"Hey," he greeted the man, a bit too cheerful that he mentally scolded himself. /Stop acting like you have a crush on him./
"Hey to you too. Done with your socio-economics?" asked Yoochun, a playful smile on his lips.
Juntarou immediately groaned. "Don't. I don't want to talk about it."
Yoochun laughed at that. "Well, I just did."
Juntarou huffed dejectedly. "Okay, I guess. I'm getting the hang of it now."
"Want me to teach you?" Yoochun raised his brow mockingly.
"Yeah, like you can." Juntarou rolled his eyes as the barista[4] himself came and served him the cappuccino with a bunny drawn on it. "Thank you," he said as he eyed the bunny. It was a pity to drink the pretty cappuccino.
"Well, I -was- a student before you." Yoochun said as he watched Juntarou sip his cappuccino.
Before Juntarou could respond to it there's a shriek near them.
"UNCLE CHUN!"
He looked at the kid standing beside their chair, finger pointing at Yoochun. Juntarou shifted his eyes back at Yoochun, who at the moment looked like he had seen a ghost. "Yoochun-san, you okay?"
But Yoochun was not paying attention to him at all, his eyes were directed at the kid. "Yunnie?"
"Yes, I am, Uncle Chun," answered the kid, a bright smile on his face as he poked Yoochun's side. "Me. Yunnie. Your lovable nephew."
"Junsu?"
Juntarou looked up at the new comer now standing beside Yunnie. It felt like a dÈj‡ vu. Wasn't that the name Yoochun said to him when they first met almost a year ago?
"Junsu?" he also asked, confused.
[3] an informal japanese way to say "thank you for the hardwork". The complete phrase would be "Otsukaresama-deshita"
[4] barista is an italian for bartender or a person, usually a coffee-house employee, who prepares and serves espresso-based coffee drinks. (wikipedia.org)
____________________________
/there are thorns before the rose/
Of all things he had been expecting to happen today, this was not it. Yoochun groaned. Now he believed his life was just a chain of misfortune. Of all things, he just had to meet Jaejoong and Yunnie at Club Harie today.
Indeed, of all things.
He looked at Yunnie munching on his cheesecake happily on the stool at the counter while they sat at the table in the corner of the minimalist shop. They had moved from the coffee shop to the bakery because Yunnie had been craving for some cheesecake since last week and Jaejoong had agreed to buy his son some if he scored a good mark for his mathematics test.
"So," Jaejoong started and Yoochun had the grace to look apologetic.
He never told Jaejoong about Juntarou. He could guess what Jaejoong would think if he said he had met someone who looked like Junsu, and it seemed like he guessed it right. His best friend might not show it on his face, but Yoochun knew very well that Jaejoong was disappointed with him.
"How long have you known each other?" Jaejoong asked, his tone hard.
Looking at Juntarou's confused expression, Yoochun quickly answered, "This is none of your business, Jae."
"I'm not asking you, Chunnie," Jaejoong said impatiently and turned his eyes back at Juntarou. "So, Junta-san, how long have you known my friend here?"
Juntarou looked at Yoochun and Jaejoong back and forth before answering carefully, "It depends." He held Jaejoong's eyes. "But to answer your question, I met Yoochun-san for the first time last summer."
Before Jaejoong could respond, Yoochun quickly added, "I know what you are thinking, Jae. But just let me explain it to Juntarou first, okay?"
This was not good. He never planned to keep this as a secret from Jaejoong but now Jaejoong must have been thinking that he had planned to keep this for as long as he could. No, it was not that. He was just stalling for time, testing out his feelings towards Juntarou. He didn't want to make a mistake and then lose something that can be a precious thing in his life anymore. Losing Junsu had been the biggest mistake in his life and he lived in regret every second of his life, but Juntarou, who looked a lot like Junsu, might be his second chance. He won't deny that at first he had been tempted to just make Juntarou a replacement for Junsu. It could have been that easy. For months he had been trying to convince himself that no one could replace Junsu and he didn't have any feelings towards the look-a-like. But he couldn't deny that there was also another part of him that wanted to try, to move on.
Many times he wanted to go and find Juntarou and just try but he was too scared. Just for one time he had the courage to look for Juntarou at Gogenton, but the effort proved to be futile, Juntarou was only a part-timer for that summer. The email he had sent to him that New Year's Eve was going to be his last try, but then the younger man had replied back to him. After that all things had gone unbelievably smooth between them that Yoochun didn't want to get his hopes flying high just to have it not working out in the end. He had been treading on a bed of frail eggshells all this time, but now it's all depending on Juntarou's answer after he tells him the truth.
Jaejoong only shrugged his shoulders. "I hope you know what you are doing, Chunnie," he said before turning to call Yunnie who was now playing with the cashier lady. "Come on, Yunnie. Mama is waiting for her Tiramisu."
"Can we buy more cheesecake, Joongie-papa?" Yunnie jumped down from the stool and skipped to his dad's side while the man paid for the cake. In the end, Jaejoong had bought more cheesecake for his son.
"Bye-bye, Uncle Chun, bye-bye Uncle Junta!" Yunnie waved at them as both of them walked out of the bakery.
Yoochun waited until Jaejoong and Yunnie had gone before turning his attention back to Juntarou who only looked at him inquiringly.
"So?" the younger man asked.
"Well," Yoochun scratched his head, now he didn't know where to start. "It was a long story that happened years ago. But before I start, I want to say I'm sorry."
___________________
Juntarou walked to his apartment, head full with images of Yoochun and Junsu, a person that looked so much like him they could pass as twins. But they were not twins, they have never met before and the man was even older than him by almost twelve years.
He was also Yoochun's ex.
This knowledge stirred an unknown feeling in him- not jealousy, more like a defeated feeling. He couldn't say that he had fallen head over feels for Yoochun, but he also couldn't deny that he felt something for the older man. It was complicated- he could actually see a beginning of something but he was also not sure if he wanted to walk on that path. Now he was even more confused by this knowledge of Yoochun and Junsu's history.
Yoochun didn't tell him any details of why they broke up, but the man had said that if he ever had the chance to turn back the time, then he would do everything differently so Junsu wouldn't feel unloved. That way, he wouldn't have left him. Even if Junsu chose to come back to him now, undoubtedly Yoochun would drop everything else in his life and welcome him back with open arms. But Yoochun also said that Junsu is living a happy life with another man, a life Yoochun wouldn't be able to give to him.
For a second, Juntarou thought of how lucky Junsu was, to have Yoochun love him so deeply and how selfish he was to leave Yoochun alone to cope with loneliness and everlasting heartbreak. But it wasn't his place to judge someone he has never even met.
He opened the door to his apartment and went straight to his bed. Lying down in the dark, he thought, /now what?/
Did he want to give Yoochun a second chance?
He thought of how little he knew about Yoochun compared to Junsu. He thought about the years of childhood and lovers bond between Yoochun and Junsu, and months of emailing each other snippets of their life. It sounded pathetic if he compared himself to Junsu like that.
But then he remembered Yoochun's face when he said sorry, how the man looked so lost, wanting to move on but finding that he had nowhere to go. The older man looked no less pathetic than him.
Couldn't they be pathetic together?
He blinked in the darkness and sighed deeply. Pulling out his cell phone, he steeled his heart and dialed the number Yoochun had given to him last month. He squeezed his eyes shut as he waited for the other man to answer him, heart thundering inside his ribcage. He might hate himself forever if this didn't work out.
"Hello?"