LOL!
No doubt you'll have heard of Zack Snyder's feature movie, 300, hitting the big screen imminently. Coverage of the film has generally been quite favourable, although there have been some rumblings of people taking offence. Why? Because to them it's too strong a political commentary on today's society.
They think it's a ham-fisted allegory to President Bush and his war on terror. Which is hugely amusing when you consider, a) the movie is directly based off Frank Miller's graphic novel which was written in 1998 and b), that work was playfully based on the historic Battle of Thermopylae in 480 BC, which itself was during the Persian Wars many, many many years ago.
Now, unless Miller, Xerxes I of Persia and Leonidas of SPARTAAAA were able to see into the future, it's hard to say there's any true intentional political sway here. There may be such within the visual direction or production of the film, perhaps, but to accuse a story written long before a contemporary event it's supposedly related to tells us more about the accuser than the accused. So instead of taking it as a big, brash, popcorn driven fun work of fantasy fiction (I say "fiction" because 300's historical accuracy is somewhat… shaky) we're placing our own agendas on to something to make it more than was likely intended. Heck, themes surrounding the ethics of freedom and oppression are pretty common throughout human history; you can paint many a film in that political light. Care Bears the Movie, anyone?
So it's not too surprising that I stumbled across the most recent moral outrage directed at Wii (yes, this is a Wii site and not one about 300, sorry) - that it's a "portal for porn" according to California based Christian group, The Porn Talk. They would almost have you believe Wii -like Sony's PSP, funnily enough- is able to corrupt your innocent children because it allows access to the internet, which in turn allows them access to the all the depravity that comes with it.
Before I continue, let me make you aware of this right now; I'm no parent. I try to see things through the eyes of a parent for the empathic sake of my work and naturally I know a lot of parents, but by no means do I class myself as one with the experiences and hardships of raising a child.
However.
A little common sense can go a long way. And there's a large amount of that needed to be able to function in our world, regardless of its era. The internet is no more the direct cause of society's destruction than anything else. In fact, you could say that the net is actually just a metaphor for a typical home improvement toolbox. Many houses and garages possess it, and it's invaluable in many ways. But just as a hammer can be used to help create, it can also be used to injure, as with many instruments from the toolbox. The power lies not in the tool itself, but the person who decides how to use it. Most things are destructive and harmful in the wrong hands, and responsibility rests within all those 'wonderful' quirks and damages that make up the human psyche. Hmm. Seems like we're back to playing the blame game again.
Curiously, The Porn Talk isn’t quite saying "OMG, Wii must be banned!" but rather wanting to make people, parents in particular, aware of the machine's internet ready capabilities. Which is fair enough, really. We're verging into another, prior argument across boundaries where gaming is once again seen as something only for children and thus not allowed to venture near the risqué realm of adult entertainment. Which, in turn, is also near the equally fallacious perception that adults never play games and thus won't be aware of Wii's surfing browser.
At which point, it's worth pointing out that in this age of technology we may as well warn parents of mobile phones as well, seeing as internet access is almost standard for them now. But why stop there - libraries often have an erotica section… kids may 'accidentally' stumble into those, so we better have security guards roam those areas. They may not be moving pictures, but danger is danger and books' contents can be easily disguised if you switch their covers. Let's get burning!
In truth, it's a huge reactionary vicious circle. The Porn Talk has taken a fair bit of flack when it's not really declaring Wii as the Great Satan as such, instead it's just raising awareness albeit in a rather reactionary and dramatic manner. We should perhaps really save our vitriol for the inevitable "Wii allows paedophiles to access the internet!" sensationalist headlines. After all, if they can supposedly get to our kids via DS' Pictochat (65 feet of wireless DANGER!) then Wii's internet channel is bound to send Fox News, FOX 6 Milwaukee and numerous other shining knights to our rescue. In fact, I heard that if you perform a certain movement with the Wii remote while using Oprah, Pedobear actually leaps out from the TV screen to get you. And for your sake I hope you're wearing pants when that happens.
We're all so damn serious about things. Not to say serious issues aren’t there, but Nintendo is perhaps the most stringent games console manufacturer out there and its machines STILL come under fire by those who deem content filters, painfully long-winded friend-codes and other restrictions not enough. We may soon end up in an age where Nintendo needs to place even more disclaimers before you boot up the internet channel saying it's not responsible for whatever sites you visit. We may laugh, but it's more than a viable possibility. There's a stifling sense of moral paranoia and conformity that's overlapped into almost everything, and it's ironic that while Wii is continuing to making gaming fun, humanity is continuing to take the fun out of anything it can find for the sake of security. What's the saying: "it used to be 'nothing to fear, but fear itself', but now we're made to fear everything." That blue slot on your Wii's disc loader? Surely that's your Wii secretly telling you it's in a Betty Blue mood or something, right? "Sorry son, we don’t have that sort of filth in this household."
Actually, when you think about it, Wii is a haven for this sort of thing. Let's take a closer look at the facts, shall we?
- Wii has slots. Slots, holes and hinges! Bits that 'open' and close, with disgusting clicking sounds. I wonder what Nintendo is inferring with all this. And people like to call this company "the Big N". Sounds a bit too close to 'the Big O' if you ask me. Horrible.
- I hate how the machine is purely white. Not only does this intone racism, but it also suggests a holy and innocent purity that clearly goes against its slutty slot nature. Misleading. I have already expressed my dismay to my local politician at this clear and present danger.
- This Wii remote thing. Well, this really takes the biscuit. It is more elongated than a normal remote, for one, and now any gesture can be recreated on screen. ANY GESTURE. Think of the sickening possibilities. Think of the carnage. Think of the CHILDREN. And this thing has a speaker as well? MY GOD. Paedophiles could be talking to my child via this device at this VERY MOMENT. Disgusting. Absolutely repugnant.
- This nunchuck add-on device is ill-conceived and dangerous. I heard last week that Doris' child tried to skip with it while waiting for a game to load. He got all tangled in the cord, fell over and DIED. How could Nintendo not foresee such a thing? An accident waiting to happen? Well, it's happened. And now we're all suffering. For shame!
- Nintendo seems to be forcing this whole 'strap' thing down our throats. So now the word 'strap' is an active part of my child's vocabulary. Sickening.
- The company clearly meant to pervert us with its choice of names for this 'console' in the first place. "Wii" indeed. If that isn’t a clear show of intent, I don’t know what is.
- I have good knowledge that this Wii remote also 'rumbles'. Doris says actually it's more of a 'vibration'. How does this get past censors, I have no idea. I'm glad Sony saw sense and decided not to implement such a 'feature' on PlayStation3, as there's no justification for such things.
- 'Sensor Bar'? And what exactly is it 'sensing'? 'Sensor bar', my eye. More like 'grooming device'.
- This Wii remote seems to be just getting worse. I've read the manual, and I'm told it has 'vertical' and 'horizontal positions'. Very subtle. I'll be sure to make a note of this subtlety when the news vans arrive to do the story. They'll be interested to know why my child wants to learn what all these positions mean and why they must be assumed for merely playing games.
- Memory card slots? What on earth for? There's no other use for such things than to allow perverts to transfer their filth. Probably from Wii to Wii. And look how small those cards are! Easily smuggled. From this point on, I'll be checking all my son's books AND weapons for such.
- After all that blue light nonsense, you would think Nintendo would have learned its lesson, but no, those smut peddlers think they can get away with another suggestive hue and disguise it by making it look like they based it off traffic lights. I hate how the little red dot is clandestinely telling my child about districts that should never be mentioned in a family household. And then Nintendo has the gall to make sure "ON" and "OFF" are capitalised in its instruction manual, which accompanies all these light-based propositions. There will be no switching of things ON or OFF here, despite the Big O's desires for otherwise. I am utterly dismayed and shocked by this… this… madness.
"Madness?!?!? THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAA!"
As I said earlier: people will throw their prejudices on to anything. And the internet only serves to amplify things to a crazy degree. It's wonderful, isn’t it? So easy. Yet for every person who sees such things as a ludicrous affront to common sense, there's another who will take such reports as serious and threatening. But if they're predisposed to panic and distress then chances are there's going to be a hell of a lot more out there in the world than mere videogames causing them problems.
For all intents and purposes, witch-hunts of some sort or another are a regular part of human society. Not to say they're right, as by their very definition they're misled acts desperation, but it's impossible to totally remove such prejudice and foolish scaremongering in the same way it's impossible to remove violence and immoral behaviour from the face of this planet. We, as a race of beings, have been trying to blame everything but ourselves for our own foibles, pretending that whatever is in the popular eye is the cause for horrific things that have existed since we've been able to walk and communicate. The internet is funny in the sense that it would have you believe everything is new, when in reality it's just made the world a smaller place and more hyper-aware of the horrible things that are out there compared to the days where we previously only relied on word-of-mouth and journals. These days we can easily find out about how some guy in a small coffee shop from a country barely 10,000 people strong got murdered, while in comparison we still argue over just how many E.T. cartridges were buried in New Mexico during the 80s - had we more information and communication technology back then not only had exact number would have probably have been divulged, but we'd also get full colour photographs and blogs of truck drivers that delivered them to the landfill.
So what if a few over-reactive souls think Wii is a gateway for porn. They'll use whatever is popular as a cheap way of gathering eyeballs, then eventually move on to the next target - which I believe will be a combination of the new Spider-Man film, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, the final Harry Potter book and possibly how Microsoft Vista changes pornographic images into virtual reality holograms that cam be transmitted DIRECTLY INTO YOUR BRAIN. Wii, and indeed, we, will all survive it. We wouldn’t have got as far as we have if that wasn’t the case already.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a date with Jenna-… erm, I mean, a date with my Wii… I mean… oh, forget it. You know what I mean. Either way, it's like Leonidas says in 300; "we're in for one wild night," indeed.
This impeccable piece of penmanship was blatantly lifted from some very skilled
chap named 'Corey' from the WiiChat Forums. Yes, yes, I know I could have easily
linked instead of copied the entire thing clumsily into my LJ, but this piece of
writing is far to good to be lost to the annals of forum history. It must be
preserved safely for generations to come.