GIRLS.
GIRLS.
Im just gonna kinda go on and rant in this blog. You read this by your own choice. and do not hold anything against me. It is rare i post this kind of stuff. thank you
PAST: I used to be the kind of guy that would just hook up and fuck girls every night and whenever i could. i used to be the whore everyone currently thinks I am. I have slept with alot of women at my early age. I have had alot of sexual encounters, some are not of the normal default. I was bad, sometimes 2-3 woman a weekend,threesomes,blowjob parties,virginities,group sex, you name it i have most likely done it. I was a horny kid who happend to be able to get girls at my age when i wanted to, and i used that to my advantage. I have wrote about my sexual encounters in a prvate book of mine and sometimes i read it and i do not even believe what i did. I have gon on tour,moved,traveled alot so i guess i really do meet alot of people, and girls are more fond of me then my own gender so the majority of my friends are female, as it remains today. I do NOT have any form of sexualy transmitted disease. i get tested.
PRESENT: When i hit 18, i realized alot of shit about myself and that it was time to grow up. Not saying i stopped having sex and everything , cuz god no that didnt stop, but i just made smarter choices and what not. Since 18, i have dated a few girls and they have changed my life, in a negative way (So i think). im not going to mention their names. I dated one 2 years or so ago and i was head over fucking heels for her (at least i thought i was). i treated her like gold. i would be the perfect gentlemen, and i loved it. i was chivalrous. 2 months later she dumps me for NO apparent reason and then 2 days later i leave for tour (most depressing tour). obviously i did get over her, but her scars remained very much. after i her i got around again, trying to find my heart. girls girls girls. after a while of that, i found my heart buried under all the dirt. i met this girl. i dated her for mostly 9 months ( i think everyone in the world knows this person) and eventually broke up. we didnt just break up. she decided to become dead to me. woke up one day and she was out of my world. along with that she took my heart and uses that as her voodoo doll. i didnt really treat her as good as i did previous relationship, but i did not treat her like shit. what was in my head and what i presented were different. i loved her to fucking death and would have dismembered my own limbs for her if she asked. but i did not show it. i would flirt with other girls here and there but NEVER cheat. after going out with her for a while i got comfortable. real comfortable. but i never presented myself as "whipped" as i really was. i was convinced she was the one id spend the rest of my life with. i loved her. i still do, not gonna lie. but what that has come down to is never speaking to her again and jus randon prank calls and texts from her stating "i hate you fuck you die bye". and thats cool. but after she had dissapeard from my world, i hit a deep depression. deep. i cut myself off from the world. i stayed home, and didnt care about myself. i wanted to die. i would only leave rarely and for band practice. i didnt even care what i looked like. hell ill even come out and admit it. the only time i would feel the slightest of happiness was in the form of a small powder called cocaine. i was not addicted. i just liked smiling for maybe 20 minutes a day. for a good maybe 3-4 months this deep depression took over me like a bad skin i had to shed. i have picked myself up from it and decided it was time to live again. but these scars would never heal. I can not find the heart to trust anybody, namely females, but everyone in general. i mostly do not open myself up for a person. my heart has this fear of being put back into the deep period. even tho i try to overcome this, it does not work. i get 3 steps ahead then 2 steps back. this has caused me to push several female companions away and continues to this very fucking day. i am trying to move foward. i will never have the opportunity to be the boyfreind i want to be with the girl i want to be with. im scared to give myself in.scared to surrender my heart once more. i feel i should revert back to being a sexoholic, and jus have sex with several women like the past. i just know, the one girl i want, i will not be able to asset myself the man who i want to be to her. the asshole in me is somewhere and i dont know where.
FUTURE: This rant has been casued by several unspoken things. some of the feelings expressed are very hard for me to talk about, let alone broadcast my life to the whole world of cyberspace for millions to read and whoever actually gives a shit. every word spoken comes form the bottom of my heart, believe it or not. I just guess there is "venom" inside me that not even I know about, but i can feel it fighting inside of me. I hope to one day i recover from the posion that rests inside me and i can be the person I want to be. I have tried dating other girls but i jus become un trusting of them and i become very pessimistic and wlasy think someone is out to get me and screw me over again. and quite frankly, im starting to get tired of it. its pushing the ones i adore away from me. and im not even choosing to be that way. the venom does. I jus think i need to be on tour the great majority of my life, aka all my life so i can never actually fall for someone and actually have feelings for them, and every day is a new day and i have nothing to worry about and dont have to worry about being hurt by someone i might like. Iam a really awesome guy and it sucks. my gaurd is always up and im always on defense rather then jus not worrying. I dont think anybody should judge me of my past or anytihng, we were all young and horny before. Im just not the monster you think Iam. So thank you for taking your time out to read about my pointless shit.Noone really thought i was hurting, but the truth is; I really am.
-danny lavarco.
Im just gonna kinda go on and rant in this blog. You read this by your own choice. and do not hold anything against me. It is rare i post this kind of stuff. thank you
PAST: I used to be the kind of guy that would just hook up and fuck girls every night and whenever i could. i used to be the whore everyone currently thinks I am. I have slept with alot of women at my early age. I have had alot of sexual encounters, some are not of the normal default. I was bad, sometimes 2-3 woman a weekend,threesomes,blowjob parties,virginities,group sex, you name it i have most likely done it. I was a horny kid who happend to be able to get girls at my age when i wanted to, and i used that to my advantage. I have wrote about my sexual encounters in a prvate book of mine and sometimes i read it and i do not even believe what i did. I have gon on tour,moved,traveled alot so i guess i really do meet alot of people, and girls are more fond of me then my own gender so the majority of my friends are female, as it remains today. I do NOT have any form of sexualy transmitted disease. i get tested.
PRESENT: When i hit 18, i realized alot of shit about myself and that it was time to grow up. Not saying i stopped having sex and everything , cuz god no that didnt stop, but i just made smarter choices and what not. Since 18, i have dated a few girls and they have changed my life, in a negative way (So i think). im not going to mention their names. I dated one 2 years or so ago and i was head over fucking heels for her (at least i thought i was). i treated her like gold. i would be the perfect gentlemen, and i loved it. i was chivalrous. 2 months later she dumps me for NO apparent reason and then 2 days later i leave for tour (most depressing tour). obviously i did get over her, but her scars remained very much. after i her i got around again, trying to find my heart. girls girls girls. after a while of that, i found my heart buried under all the dirt. i met this girl. i dated her for mostly 9 months ( i think everyone in the world knows this person) and eventually broke up. we didnt just break up. she decided to become dead to me. woke up one day and she was out of my world. along with that she took my heart and uses that as her voodoo doll. i didnt really treat her as good as i did previous relationship, but i did not treat her like shit. what was in my head and what i presented were different. i loved her to fucking death and would have dismembered my own limbs for her if she asked. but i did not show it. i would flirt with other girls here and there but NEVER cheat. after going out with her for a while i got comfortable. real comfortable. but i never presented myself as "whipped" as i really was. i was convinced she was the one id spend the rest of my life with. i loved her. i still do, not gonna lie. but what that has come down to is never speaking to her again and jus randon prank calls and texts from her stating "i hate you fuck you die bye". and thats cool. but after she had dissapeard from my world, i hit a deep depression. deep. i cut myself off from the world. i stayed home, and didnt care about myself. i wanted to die. i would only leave rarely and for band practice. i didnt even care what i looked like. hell ill even come out and admit it. the only time i would feel the slightest of happiness was in the form of a small powder called cocaine. i was not addicted. i just liked smiling for maybe 20 minutes a day. for a good maybe 3-4 months this deep depression took over me like a bad skin i had to shed. i have picked myself up from it and decided it was time to live again. but these scars would never heal. I can not find the heart to trust anybody, namely females, but everyone in general. i mostly do not open myself up for a person. my heart has this fear of being put back into the deep period. even tho i try to overcome this, it does not work. i get 3 steps ahead then 2 steps back. this has caused me to push several female companions away and continues to this very fucking day. i am trying to move foward. i will never have the opportunity to be the boyfreind i want to be with the girl i want to be with. im scared to give myself in.scared to surrender my heart once more. i feel i should revert back to being a sexoholic, and jus have sex with several women like the past. i just know, the one girl i want, i will not be able to asset myself the man who i want to be to her. the asshole in me is somewhere and i dont know where.
FUTURE: This rant has been casued by several unspoken things. some of the feelings expressed are very hard for me to talk about, let alone broadcast my life to the whole world of cyberspace for millions to read and whoever actually gives a shit. every word spoken comes form the bottom of my heart, believe it or not. I just guess there is "venom" inside me that not even I know about, but i can feel it fighting inside of me. I hope to one day i recover from the posion that rests inside me and i can be the person I want to be. I have tried dating other girls but i jus become un trusting of them and i become very pessimistic and wlasy think someone is out to get me and screw me over again. and quite frankly, im starting to get tired of it. its pushing the ones i adore away from me. and im not even choosing to be that way. the venom does. I jus think i need to be on tour the great majority of my life, aka all my life so i can never actually fall for someone and actually have feelings for them, and every day is a new day and i have nothing to worry about and dont have to worry about being hurt by someone i might like. Iam a really awesome guy and it sucks. my gaurd is always up and im always on defense rather then jus not worrying. I dont think anybody should judge me of my past or anytihng, we were all young and horny before. Im just not the monster you think Iam. So thank you for taking your time out to read about my pointless shit.Noone really thought i was hurting, but the truth is; I really am.
-danny lavarco.