yeah....

[dbomb]

so yeah...i've realized that my problems lie within my sleeping habits. i stay up late. i like to stay up late because while i'm sitting around watching a move/tv, snacking, and playing video games, i think. i think about all kinds of things. what's happened in my day, music i like, conversations i'd had earlier in the day. and then there's times when i think about things that bother me, things that are getting me down. this is also the reason i like to just drive, especially alone. lately i've been staying up later and cruising alot more than usual. at first i didn't know why, nor did i really care, because it seemed a minor change. but now i realize why i stay up late and cruise around. it's because somethings troubling me. there are those among you(who "you" entails i have no idea, because i doubt many people read this) who know what's troubling me, or at least some of it. there's more to it than i think anyone knows about. i thought i was over much of this. it has become very obvious, to myself at least, that i am not. some people think i move on too quickly, or that i'm a freak and can do it at will, whenever i feel like it. this, however, is not the truth. i just let myself move on, tell myself that it won't work, and let another person grab my attention. sometimes this works, sometimes it does not. in light of recent (and not so recent) events, i have realized that when this doesn't work, it's a real kick in the stomach. i just don't know what to do anymore. on the one hand, there is absolutely, positively no way i could be with the one. on the other, there are friendships at stake, and things have gone wrong with this one before, and i'm not sure i'm comfortable with how i am/would be in that relationship. i hate how you realize errors after you can't fix them.

i just don't know anymore

in conclusion...
everything would be ok if i would just go to sleep earlier.