100 SUJU FICS CHALLENGE [ 1/100 ]
100 SUJU FICS CHALLENGE [ 1/100 ]
058. LIES, Shiwon/Shiwon
Angst? - PG - 337 Words
[ DEE'S 100 SUJU FICS ARCHIVE ]
Shiwon cringed, it was subtle, but he did. And he felt it. He felt every shake and every awkward flinch Shiwon made everytime he reaches out to touch him. It never used to be like this. They used to be closer, something was there --- between them, not a long time ago. But just like that, it was gone. And he didn’t know why.
Shiwon didn’t know either.
He was supposed to be happy, this was supposed to be it, THEY were supposed to be okay. But at the back of his mind, he kept lingering on the thought of what they have being wrong. He loved it when he kissed him. He craved his taste on his lips, his warmth beneath his arms, his voice tickling his ear, his everything… Shiwon craved all of him.
What am I gonna do? Oh my god, what am I supposed to do.
But his cravings overwhelm him sometimes. And Shiwon hates it when he catches himself off-guard --- trembling, aching for more of what he’s not supposed to have. He wasn’t supposed to be Shiwon’s. And Shiwon wasn’t supposed to be his. And this, what THEY have, wasn’t supposed to be real.
I can’t keep doing this. I have to… stop? I have to stop!
Shiwon called his name for the first time that day… almost desperately, almost pleading, almost but not quite. And he stepped up, with inquiring eyes and trembling lips.
Then his eyes fell, his throat drained, his breath quickened, and his heart got broken in two as Shiwon told the biggest and the most painful lie of his life.
“…I’m not gay.”
And he walked away, ignoring his about to be tear drenched face, silently calling out for him to take it back and return things to the way they were…
It hurts.
“I’m not gay…”
It really hurts…
“I’m. Not. Gay.”
Why does it hurt so bad…?
“I can’t be gay…”
Shiwon whispered to himself, one last time, before shutting the door behind him.
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:: DB
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