A Lack Of Color
I am very tired. It has been a long day, and its not even one of my tues/thurs hell days :(
So stressed out. Lots of reading to do. Tests are in a couple of weeks. I am going home this weekend too, so Im going to try and get ahead by the end of the week.
I guess you could say Im in one of those blah moods. I found my journal from highschool, started reading it, its pretty depressing, dont really wanna go into it because its pretty bad. So I thought about how I am so much happier now, but lately I feel pretty low and hurt. I'm so confused, i thought i wanted to go back home for good, but lately i want to stay here in whitewater. Yea Im pretty popular, but all my so called friends are forgetting about me. Sometimes i feel like a ghost, no one even notices i am there. I honestly dont know what to do. And for the record, I dont have a single best friend that is a girl. I would say Jackie and Jamie and I are pretty close but I just want a best friend. I miss Matt and Mark so much. And I will never replace them. I hate getting phone calls from friends saying oh we are going to go do this or go do that. Its not fair. I swear, i will never make everyone/everything in my life happy all at once. I need a vacation. I need to get away from everything, then i will be permanently forgotten. I think thats why I want to do the peace corps, i love volunteering and helping others,plus I would be gone for 2 years in a foreign country. My parents arent too thrilled about that idea, so idk, they think im going to get killed or something. So maybe i will just do a study abroad for a year, that would really test friendships.
When I am home, I must get ice cream with Tom. I also really hope I can see Matt and Mark. idk what i am going to do with my hair, i have told myself that i refuse to have someone else cut my hair besides andrea, but im mad at her so idk what im going to do. Maybe ill just grow it out until we talk or something.
Well I should probably get to hw.
Its going to be a long night.
So stressed out. Lots of reading to do. Tests are in a couple of weeks. I am going home this weekend too, so Im going to try and get ahead by the end of the week.
I guess you could say Im in one of those blah moods. I found my journal from highschool, started reading it, its pretty depressing, dont really wanna go into it because its pretty bad. So I thought about how I am so much happier now, but lately I feel pretty low and hurt. I'm so confused, i thought i wanted to go back home for good, but lately i want to stay here in whitewater. Yea Im pretty popular, but all my so called friends are forgetting about me. Sometimes i feel like a ghost, no one even notices i am there. I honestly dont know what to do. And for the record, I dont have a single best friend that is a girl. I would say Jackie and Jamie and I are pretty close but I just want a best friend. I miss Matt and Mark so much. And I will never replace them. I hate getting phone calls from friends saying oh we are going to go do this or go do that. Its not fair. I swear, i will never make everyone/everything in my life happy all at once. I need a vacation. I need to get away from everything, then i will be permanently forgotten. I think thats why I want to do the peace corps, i love volunteering and helping others,plus I would be gone for 2 years in a foreign country. My parents arent too thrilled about that idea, so idk, they think im going to get killed or something. So maybe i will just do a study abroad for a year, that would really test friendships.
When I am home, I must get ice cream with Tom. I also really hope I can see Matt and Mark. idk what i am going to do with my hair, i have told myself that i refuse to have someone else cut my hair besides andrea, but im mad at her so idk what im going to do. Maybe ill just grow it out until we talk or something.
Well I should probably get to hw.
Its going to be a long night.