Smiling Again!
Where to even begin!
Week 2 of Ceramics was hell!!!
We worked on the wheel the whole damn week, 5 hrs a day, but that wasnt enough in our teachers eyes so he expected us to come in for extra hours! aka me working my butt of in there for over 10 more hrs a day! The stress level was at its all time high, and that totally fucked me up: i never slept, i barely ate, and i was using caffeine pills to stay awake. I seriously cried each day when i would take a break and then i would go back to that hell. I never realized how loyal and awesome my friends are, well i know they are really good friends, but its times like these where they really come out and are there for you and thats when you realize why they are apart of your life. Many of them offered me words of encouragement, and many of them felt my pain and wished they could have helped me in some way. The IM's, notes, phone calls, and voicemails really kept me sane, thanks Matt for all your advice and encouragement. Then again, I'd have to say Matt has been the one to always be there for me, and Mark too. End of junior year through senior year i was a wreck, alot of shit went down end of junior year: the horrible breakup, losing my best friend,and all the drama, and senior year was a downer, classes were getting tough, my parents were being so strict and always yelling at me "wow reminds me when i almost ran away and matt was ready to pick me up", the drinking became heavier and i honestly didnt think i was going to make it. I burst into tears so much and I remember telling Mark and Matt that i couldnt take it anymore, and that i wasnt going to make it and that i wanted out of this world. Instead of freaking out, they were so concerned and they saved me and Im thankful that now I am living the good life, and this is the happiest ive ever been. So I think thats why Matt mentioned to me " you can handle it, you've been more overwhelmed before and you have so many people who are here for you". Weird, everyone believed in me more than I believed in myself. Another loyal friend, Andrea. I miss that girl and one day last week i was checking my LJ and she left some words of encouragement " natalie. i miss you. just kick this classes ass.. show it who is boss. YOU! and i'll see you when the class is over. i love you!" Jamie and Jackie called alot during the week to let me vent, Jamie left a voice mail with that song from Ghost because she knew i was working on the wheel! Sam even felt bad because i was so stressed out. Oh, ignore my last entry, we kinda got into a fight. It wasnt a huge fight, but enough to make me really think about this relationship. He said something about how we have hung out more this summer than the past year, which is true, but then he said something about me forgetting him next semester, soooo me being all stressed, i really took that to heart, when he said that, i felt like something just stabbed my heart. I was bawling my eyes out because it was like he was making it sound like its going to be my fault if we fall apart, so then i thought well if its going to be my fault then maybe we should end it now if im going to "forget him" during the fall. He got me so upset, so I went back to the ceramics room and thought, maybe he is too good to be true, maybe he doesnt really love me, maybe he'll be the one to break my heart, so I talked to Matt and he told me to calm down and that I was overreacting because I was stressed about ceramics, so then i got on the pottery wheel and thought about everything about sam, i thought of all the good things: meeting him for the first time, watching simpsons and family guy, our first kiss, having wota together, and him making dinner for me not once, but twice, so when i thought of all that i cooled down and realized that i love him so much and i always will, i would be heartbroken without him in my life so I went home late and I came back to the longest apology I have ever gotten in my life, so I accepted and also said sorry because I was all worked up and I shouldnt have been thinking such awful thoughts about us breaking up. So the whole weekend, I worked my ass off in the ceramics room! Alanna stopped by saturday and bought me icecream and my parents came up on sunday and took me out to lunch. After finishing all my projects i was sooo relieved and decided to go see sam because we havent seen eachother in like a week. So I get to his house and he comes outside and gives me the biggest hug ever, I missed him so much, and being in his arms gives me such a feeling of security and I never want him to let go. He bought me a gift :) A stuffed animal welsh corgi :) it is absolutly adorable!!! Thats the kind of puppy we want to get in the future :) Gosh he makes me so happy. He is the best boyfriend ever!
So I got back to whitewater pretty late, that was fine by me though :) i went to the ceramics room for a lil bit to make sure my projects were drying and then went to sleep.
I woke up in a good mood this morning! Went to ceramics and the whole class mood was great because we all finished our projects and we werent stressed anymore! So basically we are glazing and firing this week so we can come and go as we please! I got let out today at 10:30 and tomorrow i dont have to go to class until 9 so yay!!!!! :) F-U Clay! and yes my arms are still burning red, my whole body aches especially my hand muscles, and i dont like having short nails. Thank god this is the last week of class. Well Im sleepy so i think its time for a nice nap :) much love to all my friend back in so mil, dont worry i will be home soon!
Week 2 of Ceramics was hell!!!
We worked on the wheel the whole damn week, 5 hrs a day, but that wasnt enough in our teachers eyes so he expected us to come in for extra hours! aka me working my butt of in there for over 10 more hrs a day! The stress level was at its all time high, and that totally fucked me up: i never slept, i barely ate, and i was using caffeine pills to stay awake. I seriously cried each day when i would take a break and then i would go back to that hell. I never realized how loyal and awesome my friends are, well i know they are really good friends, but its times like these where they really come out and are there for you and thats when you realize why they are apart of your life. Many of them offered me words of encouragement, and many of them felt my pain and wished they could have helped me in some way. The IM's, notes, phone calls, and voicemails really kept me sane, thanks Matt for all your advice and encouragement. Then again, I'd have to say Matt has been the one to always be there for me, and Mark too. End of junior year through senior year i was a wreck, alot of shit went down end of junior year: the horrible breakup, losing my best friend,and all the drama, and senior year was a downer, classes were getting tough, my parents were being so strict and always yelling at me "wow reminds me when i almost ran away and matt was ready to pick me up", the drinking became heavier and i honestly didnt think i was going to make it. I burst into tears so much and I remember telling Mark and Matt that i couldnt take it anymore, and that i wasnt going to make it and that i wanted out of this world. Instead of freaking out, they were so concerned and they saved me and Im thankful that now I am living the good life, and this is the happiest ive ever been. So I think thats why Matt mentioned to me " you can handle it, you've been more overwhelmed before and you have so many people who are here for you". Weird, everyone believed in me more than I believed in myself. Another loyal friend, Andrea. I miss that girl and one day last week i was checking my LJ and she left some words of encouragement " natalie. i miss you. just kick this classes ass.. show it who is boss. YOU! and i'll see you when the class is over. i love you!" Jamie and Jackie called alot during the week to let me vent, Jamie left a voice mail with that song from Ghost because she knew i was working on the wheel! Sam even felt bad because i was so stressed out. Oh, ignore my last entry, we kinda got into a fight. It wasnt a huge fight, but enough to make me really think about this relationship. He said something about how we have hung out more this summer than the past year, which is true, but then he said something about me forgetting him next semester, soooo me being all stressed, i really took that to heart, when he said that, i felt like something just stabbed my heart. I was bawling my eyes out because it was like he was making it sound like its going to be my fault if we fall apart, so then i thought well if its going to be my fault then maybe we should end it now if im going to "forget him" during the fall. He got me so upset, so I went back to the ceramics room and thought, maybe he is too good to be true, maybe he doesnt really love me, maybe he'll be the one to break my heart, so I talked to Matt and he told me to calm down and that I was overreacting because I was stressed about ceramics, so then i got on the pottery wheel and thought about everything about sam, i thought of all the good things: meeting him for the first time, watching simpsons and family guy, our first kiss, having wota together, and him making dinner for me not once, but twice, so when i thought of all that i cooled down and realized that i love him so much and i always will, i would be heartbroken without him in my life so I went home late and I came back to the longest apology I have ever gotten in my life, so I accepted and also said sorry because I was all worked up and I shouldnt have been thinking such awful thoughts about us breaking up. So the whole weekend, I worked my ass off in the ceramics room! Alanna stopped by saturday and bought me icecream and my parents came up on sunday and took me out to lunch. After finishing all my projects i was sooo relieved and decided to go see sam because we havent seen eachother in like a week. So I get to his house and he comes outside and gives me the biggest hug ever, I missed him so much, and being in his arms gives me such a feeling of security and I never want him to let go. He bought me a gift :) A stuffed animal welsh corgi :) it is absolutly adorable!!! Thats the kind of puppy we want to get in the future :) Gosh he makes me so happy. He is the best boyfriend ever!
So I got back to whitewater pretty late, that was fine by me though :) i went to the ceramics room for a lil bit to make sure my projects were drying and then went to sleep.
I woke up in a good mood this morning! Went to ceramics and the whole class mood was great because we all finished our projects and we werent stressed anymore! So basically we are glazing and firing this week so we can come and go as we please! I got let out today at 10:30 and tomorrow i dont have to go to class until 9 so yay!!!!! :) F-U Clay! and yes my arms are still burning red, my whole body aches especially my hand muscles, and i dont like having short nails. Thank god this is the last week of class. Well Im sleepy so i think its time for a nice nap :) much love to all my friend back in so mil, dont worry i will be home soon!