(no subject)
well,
i've shipped my son off to california for what he says is "not forever" i'm wondering if i did the right thing and at the same time, feeling it was what i had to do. things were getting too bad between us and i just couldn't reach him for some reason. his fault? my fault? i don't even know. all i know is that i miss him. i wish he didn't change on me and that he respected and appreciated me enough to understand that he could live a positive life, and that he didn't have to conform to his greedy, worldly desires. i'm more relaxed and feel better than i have in the past couple of years, but it still hurts not having him here. i don't think people understand how much i care about him and how much effort i've put into trying to make him a productive member of society. the worst part is that i feel like i've failed at something that matters the most to me and I DONT FAIL!!!!!
at least not until now. i'm not sure if he's going to change. if he really was, i don't understand why he hasn't up until this point, and if he does, why couldn't he before? all i can do at this point is hope and pray. the only thing that's certain for now is that i realize now that i love him more than i thought i did and that i miss him.
i've shipped my son off to california for what he says is "not forever" i'm wondering if i did the right thing and at the same time, feeling it was what i had to do. things were getting too bad between us and i just couldn't reach him for some reason. his fault? my fault? i don't even know. all i know is that i miss him. i wish he didn't change on me and that he respected and appreciated me enough to understand that he could live a positive life, and that he didn't have to conform to his greedy, worldly desires. i'm more relaxed and feel better than i have in the past couple of years, but it still hurts not having him here. i don't think people understand how much i care about him and how much effort i've put into trying to make him a productive member of society. the worst part is that i feel like i've failed at something that matters the most to me and I DONT FAIL!!!!!
at least not until now. i'm not sure if he's going to change. if he really was, i don't understand why he hasn't up until this point, and if he does, why couldn't he before? all i can do at this point is hope and pray. the only thing that's certain for now is that i realize now that i love him more than i thought i did and that i miss him.