Toil, toil, turmoil and trouble
“…Barbarous Nations who breathe only blood and have drink that of the Martyrs." Now, if that doesn't make you want to study history, I don't know what will! :p
I've been thinking so much about next year. All of this has been so overwhelming! I've been tossing around these ideas for next year:
1) Stay in the program I'm in now, finish my degree and poossibly go into grad school and/or work a government job.
2) Take a year off, make some money, wrap my head around things and come back after a year.
3) Work my ass off this year and apply to music school, and become a teacher.
I'm not sure what I want to do yet. All I know is that I've never felt so crazy in my entire life. You thought pondering about this stuff before you were done highschool was bad... just you wait until you get here. There's so much pressure from my friends and family do "do the right thing"... I just don't know what the right thing for ME is yet.
Meeting Jason was like a life time dream come true. It's wierd having all these goals completed. Literally, my life list when I was younger was (in no particular order) to: Go to University, fall in love and have a good relationship, meet my brother, have straight hair, graduate highschool with honors, and travel. So the question now is, "...what next?" I'm at a stand-still point. I'm happy that I've achieved my goals, but I'm dissatisfied with having no more real direction. I know what I don't want to do... but what do I really want to do? Am I in this program to impress and please other people, or am I in it for myself? Is money and "prestige" really important to me, or would I be more satisfied living a different life style? Agh!
I'm so thankful I have someone like Teddy in my life right now. The advantage to having an older fiencee is that they've probably already gone through what you've gone through. Teddy's pretty good for advice, and he understands the turmoil I've been going through... because he's already been there himself! In a way, I wish I had moved in with him sooner... BUT at least this gives me some time to figure myself out! The seclusion is driving me crazy though!- gosh, I love that guy!- I need to get out there and get involved in something! USC, Wednesday night.. here I come!