Fic: Courage (R, Fantastic Four, Johnny/Lyja/Peter)

[dazzledfirestar]

Title: Courage (Part 1)
Fandom: Fantastic Four/Spider-Man
Pairing(s)/Characters: Johnny Storm/Lyja the Laserfist/Peter Parker, Ben Grimm, Reed Richards, Susan Storm-Richards
Word Count: 11, 381
Warnings: Brief violence, M/M sexual situations, PSTD related issues
Beta: ladydeathfaerie
Summary: when Johnny comes back from the Negative Zone, he needs all the support he can get. He wants it from his lover and his ex-wife. Peter and Lyja want what's best for him.

LINK to art by salvadore_hart

Alarms were never a good thing at the Baxter Building. Peter had learned that years ago. The first time he’d set his alarm clock and it had ended up melted with a quiet ‘sorry… instinct kicked in.’ from Johnny, he’d figured out that the beep of an alarm would put everyone on edge.

Johnny had gotten him a new one that just played CDs or MP3s or the radio after that.

Peter ignored the tightness in his chest as he ran along side Susan toward whatever was making that really annoyingly high pitched racket. “What is it?”

Reed’s voice didn’t lend him any strength. “It’s the Negative Zone portal proximity alarm.”

That almost stopped three of them in their tracks. Peter watched Ben grit his teeth; suddenly much more ready for a fight… or at least much more ready to rip whatever came through that portal to pieces. Susan swallowed hard but if you weren’t looking closely, you wouldn’t notice the tightness around her eyes for a split second.

Peter quashed down the same questions and guilt he’d been quashing down since Johnny… well, since Johnny died. Why wasn’t I here? Why wasn’t I there with him? Why why why… On top of those were all the whys he had yet to really examine. Why hadn’t he said something sooner? Why did he put off taking things to another level? Why hadn’t Johnny kissed him years ago? None of that was going to help in a fight against whatever was checking out the hole in this level of reality.

Reed hit a few buttons, talking to Sue as he did. “Something took out the visual feed after-" He sighed and tapped at the keypad again. “But I might be able to get-“

“Is anyone there? For Kly'bn’s sake!”

“Kly’bn?” Susan repeated the word. “That’s-“

“That’s Lyja!” Ben stepped up behind Reed. “Open it.”

“Ben, I can’t just-“

“Open the damn gate, Reed.”

Peter heard all the things Ben wasn’t saying. That he didn’t want to leave another person to die on the other side of that iris. That he wasn’t going to stand there and listen while Lyja... Peter’s throat tightened. Oh God… that was Johnny’s ex. What the hell was going on?

Ben repeated his demand. “Open the damn door, Reed!”

Susan seemed to be arguing with herself, but came down on her husband’s side of the argument. “Ben, how can we be sure it’s even her? How can we know what else is out there?”

Something crackled over the speaker and they heard two voices. Lyja’s was the one that came through clearly. “Please! Gods, please let us through!”

Peter’s head shot up in sync with the rest of the people in the room. “Did she say ‘us’?”

They all stared at each other for what felt like an age, but was actually more like a couple seconds. Susan’s voice broke when she spoke. “Reed, open the portal.”

“Sue-“

“Reed, do it, or I’ll do it myself.”

He started hitting buttons again and Susan put up a field around the entrance. If there was an army on the other side, she would be able to hold them for a couple seconds. Peter swallowed hard. A couple seconds before they faced what Johnny had faced alone. He couldn’t stop his heart from pounding in his chest. It wasn’t the usual fight rush though. There was something deeper, something that felt like he shouldn’t want it; like it wasn’t a responsible or reasonable way to get into a fight. If Peter was being honest with himself, it felt like a chance at getting a little payback, a little revenge.

And to find out who this ‘us’ Johnny’s ex was talking about was. He had a thought on it, but he wouldn’t let himself believe it. Because Johnny was gone. He knew that. Reed had said Annihilus had made a point of rubbing it in. But something about the way she said ‘us’ was tickling his brain.

The force field around the iris seemed to shimmer as whatever was on the other side started to appear. Really, all Peter could see at first was what looked like deep space, but the sounds coming through the small opening were bizarre, nearly impossible to put a name to. The weird clicking and screeching; it reminded him of-

Bugs. That’s what was on the other side of the iris. Peter frowned; ready to take on whatever came through the portal as soon as Sue dropped the shield.

The shield didn’t drop though. He heard Sue say something quietly. “Oh my God… Reed! Now!”

Before he had time to react, Sue pulled a bubble carrying two forms in it through the tight squeeze of the half opened iris. Peter focused on the limbs and occasional head that poked through behind it. It felt like forever until the iris closed again, taking off some kind of… leg, maybe, with it. The limb twitched on the floor and Peter had a joke about having a bug problem all ready.

It caught in his throat when he turned around.

Ben had an arm around Sue’s shoulders and Sue looked like she needed it, face pale and knees shaking. Ben didn’t look much better, but Peter reasoned that it was harder to floor Ben. His brain refused to take in the reason for the shock that had them-and him-glued to the spot.

He took her in first. Dark hair hanging lank where it had gotten free of the knot at the base of her skull. Skin-well, green-but covered in scratches and a few deeper cuts and painted a pretty sick color by the blood and guts of whatever they’d been fighting.

Reed’s voice made it easier for a second to not acknowledge the other figure. “Susan.” He rushed past her and Ben and was stopped in his tracks. “The force field. You need to-“

“Right.” She shook her head. “Right. Sorry.” That shimmery thing happened and the field was gone.

Reed rushed in, kneeling next to Lyja and the figure Peter still couldn’t focus on. He couldn’t look at the way all that dried blood had matted his hair to his head. He couldn’t look at the bites and cuts and god only knew what else that covered so much of the skin he could see. Which was a lot, he noticed.

Lyja’s voice came out breathy, a little panicked and probably a little higher than it normally would be. “I-I tried to help. I did everything I could but-I had to get him back here. There was no way I could-“

“Tell me.” Reed’s voice was flat, devoid of any emotional response. Peter was sure there was one in there, but analytical soul that he was, Reed tended to deal well when he had a problem to solve, and from the look of Johnny, this problem needed solving.

“I… I infiltrated Annihilus’ army. I thought if I could get enough information on whatever it was he was planning, I could get back here in time to warn all of you.” Her eyes lifted and caught each of theirs. They lingered on Peter’s for a moment longer than the others. He didn’t want to think about why when she reached down and placed her hand on Johnny’s chest. “When-when Johnny was trapped I shifted and…” her voice broke. “I got him out of there. I’ve been… we’ve been hiding any place we could until it was safe enough to bring him here but-“ something cold crept into her voice. “They ambushed us. The sentry squad was nearly four times larger than it should have been and...” She sighed heavily.

“Susan, can we get him to the lab, please?”

Sue shook her head again and rushed forward, putting a force field under her brother’s body. She raised him up and quickly sent him after Reed, who had left at a rather impressive pace. She turned and stared at the Skrull woman beside her before wrapping her in her arms. “Thank you. Thank you for bringing him home.”

Ben moved first. Mainly because Peter was pretty sure he’d lost all ability to move. “C’mon kid,” he held out a hand to Lyja and helped her to her feet. “Looks like you could use a shower and a couple years a’ sleep.”

She shook her head. “No, no… I can’t--" she looked at Peter again. He almost found himself squirming under the look. He saw her drop her gaze and sigh in his peripheral vision a moment after he looked away. “Maybe you’re right. Can I just…?” she motioned in the direction of the living quarters.

“Sure. You still remember the way.”

“Yes.” She turned on a shaky heel and moved toward the door. She paused and turned back. “If… if anything changes?”

“I’ll come find you.” Ben’s voice carried a promise and she nodded again before disappearing down the hall. She was out of sight when Peter’s knees finally gave out. His brain kicked back in as his butt hit the floor. Ben had a hand on his shoulder a moment later. “Jeez. You okay?”

“Y-yeah. I think so.” Peter found himself peeling back his mask in an effort to make it easier to catch his breath. “Th-this is really happening isn’t it? He’s really… back.”

“Looks that way.” Ben’s eyes drifted toward the hallway that led to where Reed was probably already three quarters of the way through assessing Johnny’s health.

Peter swallowed and climbed back to his feet. “I should… I mean, should I…? I don’t want to get in Reed’s way or anything so maybe I should-“

“Pete, go.” Ben patted his shoulder. “He’ll wanna see you.”

Peter nodded. Of course Johnny would want to see him. After everything, even if he was with Lyja now-and Peter was pretty sure that was the case-they’d been friends for so long even before they’d taken that last step and decided that the occasional hook up wasn’t enough.

“You’re family, Pete. He said it himself, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah. I remember.” He reached up and rubbed his eyes.

Ben shook his head. “C’mon.” He pulled Peter down the hallway and into the lab.

Peter’s knees wobbled again as they got into the room. Johnny was still unconscious but Reed had patched him up. Bandages covered most of his chest and down both arms; one of which was bound tight to his body. But the blood was out of his hair and he looked… well, better wasn’t the right word, but he looked like he wasn’t going to die any second. That had to be an improvement.

Ben sat him down in a chair next to the bed. Peter found himself blinking at Sue over Johnny’s body and she gave him a weak smile. “He’ll be alright, Peter. He just needs-“

“Time. Yeah. I know.” He reached out and put his hand on Johnny’s tentatively; as if-if Peter touched him-he’d vanish and this would just be another nightmare to wake up from. He kept repeating the words in his head. Over and over again until he was sure they’d sunk in. Johnny was alive. Beyond any rational hope, Johnny was alive.

Everything else could be worked out later.

~*~*~*~*~

Ben had been right. The shower had definitely helped. She felt boneless, exhausted… but the lingering fear that had been there for months was still tickling her brain. Susan, Reed, Ben… they wouldn’t let anything happen to Johnny while she slept. She knew that but the disquiet that had clung to her in every hiding spot in the Negative Zone would not go away.

Lyja stood and slipped the robe that had been in the bathroom on again. She’d just check on Johnny. Just to make sure…

Something about being back-really back, not just ordered to be there-felt strange. She couldn’t be sure how welcome she was, of course. That was the down side to her last visit. People generally didn’t take kindly to having their home blown into another dimension. She sighed and made her way toward the lab. At least there was a chance she wouldn’t feel nearly as out of place there.

Or not.

She stopped dead in the doorway and took a few steps back before her mind totally processed what was going on. Spider-Man’s voice broke through the silence.

“I keep thinking I should have been here.” He held Johnny’s hand loosely in his own. “I… I couldn’t even drag myself out of bed for your funeral.” His voice shook before he took a deep breath and bent over Johnny’s hand, presumably pressing a kiss to it. “I missed you so much. Reed showed me that message you left and… I tried, Johnny. I tried to make this work but it always felt like something was missing. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make it better…”

Lyja sighed and cleared her throat before she heard anything she thought she really shouldn’t. “Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to make sure he was-“

“Oh, yeah… yeah, sorry.” Peter jumped up from his chair. “Sue just asked me to sit here in case he woke up. She doesn’t like the idea of him being alone when-“

“It’s all right.”

His brow furrowed a little. “What’s all right?”

“I know, Peter.” Lyja pulled up another chair. “Johnny told me about… about everything.”

His eyes went wide as he glanced down at Johnny and back at her. “Oh… Jesus… uh, I’m sorry. I didn’t think you two were… and I would never-“

“Peter, stop. If any apologies were needed, I’d be the one giving them. They’re not. It’s fine.” She stared at Johnny for a moment, finally letting the fact that they were safely back where he belonged sink in before speaking again. “He loves you.”

“W-what?”

She stared at him for a moment; watching as he tensed and fidgeted. She’d made peace with what Johnny had told her and she imagined it would take some time for Peter to do the same. “Nothing. I’m sorry. That’s a conversation for the two of you to have.”

His jaw moved a few times, as if he was trying to speak but the words would not come out. His brow went from crinkled to furrowed and he lowered himself back into the chair. “So…” he started slowly several minutes later. “He told you everything? Like… everything everything?”

“Well, I can’t know for sure, but… he told me a lot.”

Peter nodded. “Same here.”

Lyja considered that for a moment. She couldn’t think of a proper response to that. She couldn’t quite find the right phrase to convey that she didn’t hold anything against him for knowing things that were no doubt deeply personal. She couldn’t because she had some rather deeply personal information on him too. She finally sighed and turned her eyes back on Johnny. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” The silence took over the room, but Peter moved his chair closer to Johnny’s bed again, as if suddenly sure he wouldn’t be kicked out and shunted away. She had just put her head down on her arms when he spoke again. “Wanna compare notes?”

Lyja laughed for the first time in what felt like forever.

~*~*~*~

Flying felt better than it had in a very long time. After weeks of laying in bed and having Sue and Lyja fuss over him; Reed asking him a million questions about what happened that he had no actual answers for-he had been too out of it at first to take notes on anything-and Ben apologizing over and over again, one thing became really clear. He needed some air.

And he needed to find Peter.

He’d all but disappeared after Johnny woke up. Johnny had figured he was waiting… hanging back so they could have a little privacy. Peter wasn’t really an out in the open kind of guy so, with that in mind, Johnny let it slide. At least until he kept doing it. Every visit, he was at arms length, hands in pockets, shuffling feet and making for the door as fast as his Spider-bitten ass would go.

It hurt. A lot. More than he actually wanted to admit to anyone. Lyja saw it though and sighed heavily. She told him Peter might think things between them had changed because of her just like she wondered how things were going to be now that they were back and Peter was… well, available.

That had him thinking for a long time; thinking far harder than he usually liked to. He was pretty sure he had it figured out. It wasn’t something that was going to be easy but they’d manage. He had to believe they could pull it off because he hated the idea of losing Peter or Lyja. Johnny knew he was asking a lot from them. He knew there was a chance this would all blow up in his face. But he didn’t think it would. He thought they could pull it off. All he had to do was find Peter and talk to him about it; after he’d kissed him senseless, anyway.

Johnny spotted Peter swinging down into a dark alley. He considered for a moment going down and lending a hand, but thought it might be a little too soon for that. He felt good-better than he had in months-but for the first time in his life, risking further injury at the hands of some mugger or thief really didn’t seem like it was worth it.

You died for your family. Nothing’s going to be worth it compared to that.

Johnny shook his head, as if that might get the lingering fear and pain to disappear. It didn’t work, but Peter gave him something to focus on. He headed down to the nearest fire escape and stood watching as Spider-Man strung the mugger-he could see the purse the scumbag had grabbed-up by his feet.

Peter was half way up the wall before he noticed Johnny smiling at him. “Feeling better?” The words came out hesitantly as he hopped over the ledge onto the roof.

“Getting there.” Johnny found himself unconsciously rubbing at a new scar on his bicep. “A little worse for wear but-“ Peter seemed to be looking for an out. Even under the mask, Johnny knew that ‘I’m gonna jump and swing away’ look. “Pete, come on.” Johnny smiled and reached out to him. “Come here. I’m not going to bite… unless you ask me to. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Peter sighed loudly enough that Johnny heard it. He looked around and after a minute pulled the mask off and took a step forward. Johnny took the advantage, pulling him closer and pressing a deep kiss to his lips. For a moment, it seemed like Pete would let him too, but he suddenly mustered all that Spidey strength and pushed away. “I don’t think this… I don’t want to hurt anyone, Johnny.”

“You aren’t… well, that shove kinda hurt.” Johnny reached out again. “Come and kiss it better for me.”

“No.”

“No? Pete-“

“No, Johnny I’m not going to help you cheat on Lyja. She… she saved your life probably a million times over. She deserves some respect on this and I’m not-“

“Peter, shut up.” Johnny slowly worked his fingers into Peter’s hair and down his neck, feeling the tension that was growing by leaps and bounds. He leaned in, pressing his forehead to Peter’s. “She’s fine with it.”

“Well, I’m not.” Peter pulled back.

“Pete, look, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“On a rooftop in the middle of the city? You’re breaking things off here?”

“Who said anything about breaking anything off? God, Pete. Just calm down, okay?” Johnny held onto his arm and pulled him closer again, knowing full well it was only because Peter let him. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too. I thought I’d screwed this up. That I should have said something years ago.”

Johnny smiled. “You should have. Or I should have…”

He watched as Peter tried to swallow past a no doubt very dry throat. “But-“

“No, no buts. Its fine, Pete.” Johnny leaned in and pressed a far more tentative kiss to Peter’s lips. “It’s fine. Don’t go. Please?”

Peter’s lips narrowed but he stepped closer. “I just don’t know what you want now.” He said quietly into Johnny’s shoulder.

“I want you.”

“And her.”

“Well… yeah.” Johnny’s fingers found their way into his hair again.

Peter shook his head but didn’t pull back. “It doesn’t work like that, Johnny.”

“Why not?”

“Because it doesn’t. Nobody wants to be the secret piece of ass.” Peter’s brow crinkled.

“You aren’t! You won’t be. Nothing changes between you and me.”

“So… Lyja’s the piece of ass?”

“No!” Johnny growled and turned away. “Nobody’s a piece of ass!” He walked away, sitting down on the ledge. “I’m not explaining this right…”

“I hope so.” Peter frowned and sat down next to him. “Just… what do you want?”

“I want both of you. I don’t want to lose either of you.” He lifted his head and stared into Peter’s eyes. “I love you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you… but I don’t know.”

Johnny sighed again and let his head fall into his hands. “I thought a lot about this, Pete. I guess I can’t expect you to figure it out on a rooftop in five minutes, right?”

“Yeah.” Peter shuffled closer and rested his head on Johnny’s shoulder. “So… a threesome?”

“Yup.”

Peter’s face changed as he stared at Johnny. “This isn’t… I mean, you’ve been through a lot and…”

Johnny tried to take a deep breath. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Peter grabbed his hands and Johnny fought every urge to pull back. “Johnny…”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it. It’s over. I’m… I’m back. I just--" he stopped and tried to find the words. None came to him.

“You’re shaking.” Peter’s voice stayed low, careful. The way you talk to a cornered animal. Johnny guessed that was a fair analogy even if he didn’t like it much.

“I’m okay.” He knew he was jumpy. Sue had tried to get him to open up but he was telling the truth when he said he didn’t want to talk about it. Reed quoted psychology stats at him a couple times before Johnny flat out told him to stop and that if-and he made sure to make clear that it was a big if-he wanted to talk about it, he’d do it in his own time. At least Ben just ignored it if his hands started shaking or he got too quiet for too long.

The only times he felt like maybe he could talk about almost dying was when he woke up in the middle of the night, wrapped tight around Lyja as she ran a hand softly up and down his back and told him he was safe. He could let some of it out then, but he didn’t have to. She’d been there. She’d seen what happened so he didn’t feel like he had to explain anything.

Most nights he’d just lift his head and kiss her, touch her… anything to get that safe contact again. She knew him well enough to know that was what he was looking for and he knew her well enough to know that she needed it, too. They were wired the same way when it came to sex and affection. It was real; the love he felt for her was absolutely real but he’d never found a better way of showing that than making love to her.

He was getting that safe feeling on that rooftop too and he couldn’t help but wonder if it would only grow if he took Peter home and did that very same thing. Touching, tasting, relearning every line on his body to show him that he meant every word; that he really wanted to find a way to work this all out. He needed to prove to Peter-and maybe a little to himself-that this was real and he wasn’t going anywhere. Johnny only knew one way to do that that would leave no doubt in Peter’s mind.

He knew they were both worried about him though. Lyja made him promise to keep in touch or at least leave his communicator or cell on just in case. She’d mentioned something about using the tracker in his costume if she couldn’t get a hold of him. It wasn’t a possessive move though it probably should have felt that way. With the nightmares and everything… she just wanted to make sure that if something tripped him up, he had a way of getting help. Not that he thought that would happen, but still.

He saw the same concern in Peter as he lifted Johnny’s hands to his lips and pressed a kiss to each palm. “You’re okay now. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” He shuddered a little, a chill running up his spine. He couldn’t lose this. There had to be a way to work this out. “Pete, just… think about this, okay? If you can’t do it, we’ll… well, I don’t know. We’ll think of something else but I don’t want to lose this.”

“Subtle topic change, Matchstick.” He smiled a little. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I’m asking for.” Johnny pulled him closer again; resting his forehead on Peter’s. “Can I touch you while you think about it?”

Peter laughed softly and that sent a new shiver up Johnny’s spine. “Can we not do this on a dirty, cold rooftop?”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Johnny smiled.

Peter shook his head but the smile didn’t fade. “We’re not 19 anymore.”

“Fine.” Johnny smirked and tried to push back the last of his fears. “First one to your apartment gets the good pillow.”

He barely heard Peter yell something about that not being fair as he took off. He found the open window-always the same one and always the easiest to get to if you could fly or climb walls-and was sitting in Peter’s living room when he got there. Peter pulled his mask off and smirked at him. “Just once couldn’t you let me win?”

“Nope.”

Peter shook his head. “I need a shower.”

“Want company?” Johnny got to his feet and moved up behind Peter, nipping softly at his neck.

“Are you sure she’s okay with this?” His brow crinkled a little. “Like, absolutely sure?”

“Yes.” Johnny spun him around and kissed him soundly. “Yes, I’m absolutely sure.” He kissed him again, slowly deepening it and pressing closer. When Peter’s back hit the nearest wall, they both groaned. “Pete, come on. Keep me hanging on like this and I’ll just drop and blow you in the hallway.”

Peter moaned and his hips rolled up against Johnny’s as he fumbled for the handle to the bathroom door. “Didn’t learn any patience, huh?”

It seemed like getting skin tight costumes off was like riding a bike and before Johnny had time to say anything too mouthy, Peter’s fingers were tracing over his skin. “Peter… please…” His eyes flickered open to see Peter’s travelling over him, cataloguing each new scar. And there were plenty of them. His hand came up and traced a large one that nearly covered his shoulder. “Pete…”

“It’s okay. I know… it just means you survived.” Peter leaned in and pressed his lips to the still pinkish skin. “It means you came back to--" He stopped and stared up at Johnny, eyes a little wide as he realized what he’d almost said.

“It means I came back to you.” Johnny tried to smile. He felt tense, strung too tight and not in the good way he had when they’d come into the bathroom. He did his best to ignore it as they got into the shower. He was having a hard time remembering when exactly Peter had turned it on.

Peter’s hands moved over him, rubbing out knots almost as fast as they formed, trying to outrun the sudden fight or flight response that had risen in Johnny’s chest. He closed his eyes and focused on the feel of Peter’s hands on him, his skin-cool and a little sweaty-pressed against his. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “Peter…” He heard his own voice shake.

“What is it?” Peter’s voice was soft against his ear but all he could hear was the tinny sound of the water hitting the shower door. Something in him shut down, something else took over and he curled in on himself. “Johnny?”

His knees started to give out. Peter caught him and sat them both down in the shower. He tried to get the words out; tried to tell Peter what it was that was wrong but the words wouldn’t come. He just clung to him, trying to somehow communicate that even with Peter’s arms around him; all he could think about was the dark mass of Annihilus’s army closing in around him. No matter how hot he burned, no matter how many of them he beat, there were millions more. It never ended.

“It’s okay.” Peter pulled him close; let him try to regain that safe feeling. “I’ve got you. You’re fine. You’re safe. I promise.”

As his body tensed again, Johnny really wished he could believe that.

~*~*~*~*~

There was a distinct possibility that she was walking into something that she had no business interrupting. Some instinct was telling her that wasn’t the case, though. Johnny had told her a few times that Peter tended to leave a window open, for those of his friends that flew and for himself when he was ‘wall crawling’. It made sense. His apartment was high enough up that one would have to be a meta-human or very close to get in the window.

Flying up wasn’t a problem. Though she did put some thought into how exactly. New Yorkers in general were used to seeing the occasional flying person. Most were even rather blasé about it but Skrulls were still the enemy. She rarely left the Baxter Building without her ‘human look’, as Johnny and Ben had come to call it.

Lyja took a quick look around before shifting and sprouting a pair of wings to carry her up. She hovered for a moment, wondering if there was some kind of etiquette here; if maybe she should knock. She finally shook her head, deciding that the longer she flapped outside the window, the more likely it would be for someone to look up and wonder what she was up to.

She got rid of the wings as soon as her feet hit the floor. She got rid of the human look, too. She glanced around, finding Peter’s mask on the couch and hearing the shower. For a moment she considered just leaving, but that instinct told her again that something wasn’t right. “Peter?” Her voice rose as loud as she dared.

She heard something from behind the door. “Lyja?”

“C-can I come in?” She squeezed her eyes shut. This was nothing if not awkward but if she was right…

“Yes. Now!”

She pushed the door open and saw the two of them in the shower but not quite how she had thought she would. Johnny’s eyes were closed tightly, like he tended to do after one of the nightmares he’d been having; as if he could just shut it out if he tried hard enough. His head rested on Peter’s shoulder and Peter had his arms wrapped tight around Johnny. His hands moved slowly and lightly over Johnny’s arms and back, trying to sooth away whatever had taken hold of him.

The water had to have been running for quite some time as the only steam in the room was coming off of Johnny and Peter was shivering. She reached in, turning off the water and kneeling next to the tub. “What happened?”

Peter looked up at her and she reached for a towel. Once he had that wrapped around himself. “He just… I think something triggered a flashback.” Peter pressed a kiss to Johnny’s temple and he finally opened his eyes.

“Lyj?”

She smiled and took the hand he reached out to her. “Let’s get you out of there, okay?”

Several minutes later, as Peter was digging out some warmer pajamas to try to stop shivering, she found herself curled up on his couch with Johnny. He had closed his eyes again, but this time it seemed more to focus on the feel of her hand on his arm or the soft kisses she pressed to his lips when he turned to face her. “I’ll be okay.” He said quietly, as if he knew she was going to ask.

“I don’t know about that…” Peter’s voice cut through the room and he sat down on Johnny’s other side.

Johnny scowled but still leaned into Peter’s touch. “I’m sorry. I know that wasn’t what you had in mind tonight.” He tried to smile. Lyja could hear it in his voice. “But I’ll be fine. I’ve got you. Both of you.” He turned to face her again. “It won’t happen again.”

She sighed heavily and shared a look with Peter. They both knew the truth of the situation and one of them was going to have to say it. “Yes, it will.” Johnny got that little crinkle between his eyes that almost always appeared when he didn’t like what he was hearing. Lyja glanced past him to Peter, silently begging for help.

“I think what we’re trying to say here… maybe you need more than just us.” Peter rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck with his free hand. When he spoke again, it was hurried, as if he thought Johnny might cut him off. “I love you. You know that but it wouldn’t hurt to… talk to someone, maybe?”

“Right…” Johnny’s muscles were tensing again and Lyja moved her hands to rub at the knots forming in his neck.

“Johnny, come on.” Peter took him by the shoulders and turned him so they were face to face. Lyja kept her hands moving over his back, still rubbing softly at the tense muscles. “I…” he took a quick look at Lyja. She nodded, picking up what he was trying to read from her. “I think it’s safe to say that we both love you.”

“You said you weren’t sure you could do this.” She could almost see Johnny’s eyes narrowing. The brief spike in temperature told her more than he wanted her to know.

Peter sighed. “I know. And I’m not sure I can.” He looked at Lyja again and gave her a half smile. “I’m not sure I can share that well.”

“I understand.” She smiled back. “Believe me.”

“But even so… Johnny, I’m worried about you.” Peter’s voice got quiet.

“Look, Pete, I’m sorry, okay?”

“I don’t want you to be sorry.” Peter leaned in, pressing his forehead to Johnny’s and surprisingly, he didn’t pull back. “I want you to…”

“To what?” Johnny’s sounded strained but he didn’t pull away from either of them. Lyja took that as a good sign that maybe… just maybe they were getting through where she’d failed to on her own. “To pour my heart out to someone who can never really get what it was like?”

“Hey,” Peter smiled again. “I know all about things nobody else will get.”

Lyja spoke up. “I’m sure the Avengers have someone on staff for this kind of thing, right?”

“And even if they don’t, I’m sure Reed knows somebody.”

Johnny let out a small, strained laugh. “Doesn’t he always?”

“Right?” Peter’s smile got wider. “You’ll get through this. And we’re with you.”

Johnny shook his head again. “You said-“

“I know what I said.” Peter sighed. “But whether we can pull this… this threesome idea off or not doesn’t matter because I’m not going anywhere. Even if we’re not together, I’ve been your friend for way too long to just let go now.”

The three of them sat there for longer than Lyja thought they would. Both men were too quiet, especially for them. She was going to say something when she felt Johnny’s shoulders slump a little. Not relax, just slump.

He lifted his head, looking at her first then at Peter. Their eyes held for a long moment. Johnny’s voice came out a little sharper than she expected. “I’ll think about it.”

She saw the want to flinch in Peter’s eyes. Perhaps that was the answer he’d given Johnny when he’d proposed this way of doing things. His eyes closed and he leaned in again, pressing a tender, but quick-perhaps for her sake-kiss to Johnny’s lips. “That’s all I’m asking for.”

When Peter pulled back, she leaned in, kissing softly at the base of Johnny’s neck. “Will you be alright?” He nodded slowly and rested his weight against her for a moment. “Then I should go.”

Johnny’s hand came up and rested on hers. Their eyes met and she knew what he was thinking. She saw the sudden doubt that she was as alright with everything as she’s told him. She smiled and pressed a kiss to his lips.

It was Peter’s voice that surprised her. “You don’t have to.” He rubbed at the back of his neck again. “I mean… you don’t have to go.”

She shook her head. “I think I do. You two…” She felt her own brow furrow as she tried to explain something that shouldn’t need explaining. “I had months with him, alone… granted not in the best of circumstances but…” She stood. “You need a night where you don’t have to think about how complicated things might be.”

“Lyj…” Johnny bit his lip and his eyebrow seemed to be making a break for his hair line. Again, she knew what he was thinking. He was looking for the signs. Any sign that the jealousy she admittedly nursed for far longer than was good for anyone was coming back.

“Have a good night.” She moved toward the window, shifting as she went. She heard Peter’s reaction, though he did an admirable job of keeping it to a minimum. She supposed he’d get used to it if things went the way Johnny wanted them to.

She was soaring over the city a few minutes later, letting her mind wander over everything that had happened since they’d come back. She hoped Johnny would take their concerns to heart and find some way to deal with the fear that was gnawing at him. Peter had said he was afraid for him and she agreed. But there was no forcing the issue. Johnny didn’t respond well to demands. Surely they both knew that after so much time with him. So she hoped.

Lyja let herself go for a few moments, dipping and rising with the wind as she made her way back toward the Baxter Building. The mindless motion let her mind wander over the other issues at hand. She had been honest with Johnny when he first brought up the idea of seeing both her and Peter and she’d told him she didn’t have a problem with it. She hadn’t told him that it was a practice on her home world-though one rarely spoken of-to have multiple lovers of multiple genders. She’d been surprised in her original studies of Earth-at least the North American part of it-to learn that while polysexuality was something people acknowledged, most were either unfamiliar or at best, uncomfortable with the idea of polyamory.

She was honest enough with herself to know that, had Johnny said he’d wanted another woman, her reaction would not have been as calm or rational. She knew there were things Peter could offer that, even as a shape shifter, she couldn’t and vice versa. And most importantly, Johnny loved him. She couldn’t really find it in herself to be angry or hurt by it. Nor could she really see herself denying him that. After all, she loved him, too.

That left her wondering if Peter’s answer would reflect what he really wanted or just that he didn’t want to lose Johnny. That worried her, perhaps more than it should since she was fully aware that they didn’t know each other well enough to have any idea how the other would react to anything. He was a good man, by all accounts. A true hero and someone who-from what Johnny had said-would give anything for the people he cared about. That was what worried her because giving anything when one does not really want to give it could not turn out well for any of them.

She sighed as she slipped though the open window to her rooms and shifted back into her regular form. There was nothing she could do about Peter’s decision. Perhaps, if things worked out, eventually they’d be friendly enough to talk about any of the issues that might come up, both with their relationships and…

Lyja flopped down on the bed and groaned. Maybe, just maybe if this worked, Johnny would get something he needed. That was his word for it, before they’d come back to Earth. He needed the two people he’d said he’d really been in love with. He needed her and he needed Peter.

Gods willing, between the two of them they could bring Johnny back to himself again. Or at least make him realize he needed help. Maybe… just maybe, this could work.

Maybe this could be great.

~*~*~*~

He shifted in his seat. This shouldn’t be that hard. Really, it shouldn’t be. He’d thought long and hard about what Peter and Lyja had said to him about… well, everything. And they were right. He knew that, but sitting in that really uncomfortable seat across from this woman he’d never met before, it didn’t seem as easy as it should have.

“So, what’s brought you here?”

“I… uh, well, Reed said he sent you all the info on what happened…”

“Yes, Dr. Richards was very thorough.” She smiled. It was a nice smile. Welcoming, safe… but Johnny shifted again. “But you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have something to talk about, right?”

“Yeah. I guess.” He frowned at the edge of the table between them and told himself to just get it over with. “I… I don’t know. I’ve been having nightmares. But that’s normal right? After being through something really horrible, it’s gonna stick for a little while, right?”

“A lot of people do have nightmares after a traumatic event. And a lot of them find it helps to talk about it.” She smiled again. He was started to wonder if she just plastered it on in the morning because it didn’t seem to want to move even as she spoke. “Have you spoken to anyone in your life about it? Did it help at all?”

“Well, Lyja has been there a few times when I wake up so…”

“Girlfriend?”

“Ex-wife.”

“Oh.”

Johnny tensed slightly at that oh. “But yeah, I guess now she is my girlfriend.”

“Alright. Do you think you might be looking for some stability in reigniting an old relationship?”

“She saved my life. She’s the reason I--" He stopped and sighed. “Look, we talked before all this and honestly, no. That’s not what this is. This is fixing something that was broken before it started the first time.”

“You sound defensive about her.”

‘Well, I am!”

“There’s no need.” She smiled again. “I’m not here to judge any of your choices, Johnny. And given your line of work… I’m sure many of them are made in extreme situations.”

“Being with her wasn’t one of them.”

“Alright.” She wrote something on her notepad. He fought every urge to try to take a look. “Have you spoken with anyone else about the things that are bothering you?”

“Well, Peter knows about them. I… I kinda broke down on him in the shower…”

“You were at a gym?” She was writing notes again.

Johnny’s brow crinkled. “No… I was at his apartment.”

She started scribbling notes again. “So he had to come in to help you?”

“No.” Johnny started speaking slower, suddenly sure this woman didn’t entirely understand English. “He was in there with me.”

She looked up from her note pad. “Oh.”

“You know every time you say ‘Oh’ like that, I get the distinct feeling I’ve done something painfully wrong in your eyes.” Johnny’s eyes narrowed on her.

“I’m not judging your choices, Johnny.”

He let out a dry laugh. “Yeah, I’m smelling bullshit.”

“I just think that perhaps cheating on your girlfriend with this Peter fellow-“

“I’m not cheating.”

She looked thoroughly confused. “But you said-“

“I know what I said. I’m not cheating on either of them. Lyja is my girlfriend. Peter is my boyfriend. They are fully aware of each other. In fact, I’m pretty sure they’re having lunch together right now, waiting for me to be done with all this.” He clenched his fists and tried to count to ten. “Where’s your lack of judgment now?”

She sighed heavily and adjusted her glasses before setting down her pad of paper. “I just think perhaps that is not the healthiest way to run either relationship. Given your current state of mind and the things you’ve been through you might be seeking out comfort-“

“You’re damn right I am.”

She continued as if he hadn’t interrupted. “And mistaking that comfort for real affection.”

He could feel his control slipping, both of his temper and his powers. Again, he counted to ten. Then twenty. Then thirty. “You don’t think I know what love is when I have it?”

“I think your judgment on this might be compromised.”

“I think this session is over.” He pushed his chair back violently and stormed from the office, past the rather scandalized looking receptionist and into the elevator. If he could just get out of the building…

When his feet hit pavement, he took off, climbing until he was clear of the tallest buildings and hovering there for a moment, catching his breath and letting the anger burn away. She was wrong. This woman knew nothing about any of them and she presumed to judge something she’d never seen with her own eyes. It was ridiculous. She was wrong.

And he was going to do everything he could think of to prove it.

~*~*~*~

Peter twirled his water glass between his hands and stared at the strawberry blond woman sitting across from him. “I gotta tell you, this is a little weird. I mean… I know it’s you but-“

“It does take some getting used to but,” she sighed and took a sip from her own glass. “It’s for the best. For now, at least. I don’t think I’d get the best service with my normal appearance at this point.”

“Right.” Peter shifted his feet. “Yeah, there’s probably still a lot of Skrull-“

“Hate?”

“I wasn’t going to say that. But people are scared. Can’t really blame them after what happened.”

“I know. And I had a hand in that so I can’t really blame anyone.” She stared at the ice in her glass. “I just don’t like hiding.”

Peter pushed his food around his plate for a second. “I guess I’m just used to it.”

“Oh. I didn’t mean to… I understand that.” She shifted uncomfortably. “I just hid for so long; I would rather not go back to it.”

“Right, yeah. I can see that.” That awkward silence that had been stalking the entire conversation took over again. This was weird and they both knew it. Peter wracked his brain for something they had in common. The only thing that came up was… “How’s Johnny been with you lately?”

“A little better…” She frowned at her plate. “I think maybe having the people he loves around him…”

“Right.”

“I know this is strange for you, Peter.” She looked him in the eye and sighed. “Would it help to know it’s not that strange in some other cultures?”

“Like yours?”

She shifted in her seat again. “Well, it’s not something everyone does, but yes.”

“And how does that work out?” Peter stirred his drink with the straw and rested a cheek on his hand.

He felt her studying him for a moment before she answered. “Rather well, if the right people are involved.”

He lifted his head and studied her back. “Do you think we’re all the right people?”

“I wouldn’t have agreed to this if I didn’t.”

He couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at that. “But we barely know each other. What if I’m a complete ass, or really annoying? Which, I’ve been told I am, so…”

“Johnny loves you.”

“And his judgment is flawless.”

Lyja laughed. She couldn’t help it. “Of course not. But that isn’t what’s important here. He loves you; I love him, and so on. We need to find a… rhythm.”

“Literally? You don’t want to-“

It took a moment for her to latch onto what Peter was talking about. Her eyes went wide and she shook her head quickly. She hadn’t even really thought about possibly-what had been the words Johnny had used?-crossing the streams in their sex lives. “No.” She waved her hand dismissively. “No, I… I don’t know if I’d be comfortable with that yet.”

“Okay, so… we need to figure out how to balance everything without making Johnny do all the heavy lifting?”

“Basically, yes.”

Peter sighed loudly. “Okay…” his hand ran through his hair again. “How exactly do we do that?”

Lyja studied her plate for a moment. “I… I’m not really sure. I would think the two of us getting to know each other might help, but-“

Before she could finish, Johnny landed a little way up the block. Peter saw the flash of flames through the window. Lyja must have seen the reflection because she turned in her seat. “Guess it didn’t go well.” Peter frowned as the door to the restaurant opened.

Johnny spotted them quickly and smiled. It was forced. Really forced. Even has he bent to press a quick kiss to Lyja’s lips and do the same to Peter, that underlying tension was there. “How are my two favorite people?” He pulled up a chair and reached out, grabbing one of Peter’s fries.

“What happened?” Lyja cut right to the chase. That was probably good. Peter knew he’d have danced around it for at least the next twenty minutes.

“It didn’t work out.”

“Johnny…”

“No, this one… She wasn’t the right person for the job, okay?” He frowned and picked up another of Peter’s fries.

Peter didn’t stop himself. He reached out and took hold of Johnny’s wrist. “What happened?”

“Did she not understand that you aren’t…? I mean,” Lyja’s brow crinkled a little, like she was trying to translate her thoughts. Maybe she was. Peter wasn’t sure how compatible Skrull and English were. “Given the situation, she should have understood there would be issues out of the ordinary.”

“Oh, the superhero stuff was fine.” He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “It’s us she had a problem with.”

“Us as in you and me or you and Lyja?”

“Us as in all of us.” Peter watched Johnny’s jaw tense. “She told me I wasn’t thinking clearly. That I’m just a big old cheater and I don’t know love when I see it.”

“Johnny, I’m sorry.” Lyja reached over and took his hand. “Maybe we can find someone else.”

“Yeah,” Peter put his hand on Johnny’s shoulder, gradually moving it to the back of his neck. “We’ll figure something out. There’s got to be somebody out there that-“

“That can handle the superhero stuff and deal with this?” Johnny sighed and his head fell onto his arms. “I don’t know, man. That might be asking too much.”

Lyja squeezed his hand again and Peter bent down, pressing a kiss to the top of Johnny’s head. At least his temperature was going down, which meant he was calming down. “Hey, come on Johnny. We’ve worked through worse than this. So some shrink doesn’t get it? So what?” Peter kissed him when he lifted his head.

“Is that an official ‘I’m in’ from you?” Johnny took his hand with his free one.

Peter smiled. It had been implied for awhile that this was how things were going to be but he hadn’t actually said anything. He hadn’t told Johnny to go back to Lyja either so the assumption was that he was fine. And he was. That was starting to sink in, too. “Yeah, Firefly. I’m in.”

Peter nearly jumped when Lyja reached across the table and took his free hand. “We’ll figure this out.” She smiled.

Johnny didn’t smile, he flat out grinned. “You’re damn right we will.”

~*~*~*~

Link to Part Two